Chuck Vs Himself
by MissMonk
Summary: After Sarah walked away from him on the beach Chuck fell apart. His friends are family are trying to help him but the government wants the Intersect up and running. With Chuck unable the function normally the government sees one option to get what they want: Laudanol
1. Chapter 1

AN: I dont own chuck or anyone. No money is being made. etc. etc

Chapter 1

It has been six weeks since she left. Six long weeks since the beach where he sat with her for hours telling her their story. Where he confessed Morgan's idea of a magical kiss healing everything. She had conceded, asking him to kiss her. It was sweet and beautiful and she could feel all his emotions for her pour in though that kiss. It felt like it lasted for hours but in reality probably only a few minutes.

It was so intense that Sarah had put a stop to it. She broke the kiss, looked down at her hands feeling overwhelmed by everything. Chuck pulled back slowly, his heart feeling heavy as he watched the tears stream down her face.

"Sarah…" He said softly, not wanting to startle her, but not really sure of being able to speak in the first place. Sarah looked up suddenly at the sound of his voice as if he had yelled it. She stared at the ocean furiously wiping the tears from her face.

"I...I have to go. I'm sorry." She said quickly getting up from her spot on the sand. Chuck looked up at her and stood as well in alarm, not knowing what was happening or where she was going.

"Sarah, please…Don't leave." He pleaded after her retrieving form. She walked quickly and determinedly away from him, heading towards her car. "I LOVE YOU." She shouted, but she hadn't seemed to hear as she entered her car and drove quickly away.

His heart feeling heavy and pained Chuck collapsed onto his knees sobbing. He doubled over placing his face in his hands upon the sand. His heart felt like it was ripping apart and he couldn't breathe. Yet another person has left him. Not just any one, the love of his life, the person he loved more than anything. His wife.

The pain radiating through him was so intense, he just collapsed onto the sand, sobbing his pain out into the world. Chuck didn't know how long he had lain in the sand like that. It could have been minutes, or hours, or even days for all he knew.

He had no idea how he had gotten home after that. All Chuck remembered was waking up in his own bed sometime later. Time seemed irrelevant anymore. It didn't matter the time of day or day of the week. Yet again his life seemed to have fallen apart in ruins.

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"Guys, we really need to do something he's really falling apart." Ellie said desperately at the congregation of friends and family in the court yard. Everyone nodded in agreement, well aware of what is needed but not quite sure what to do.

"Are you sure it's wise to leave Clara with him?" Alex asked concerned. They all turned to glance in the window to see Chuck. He was in the same position they left him in 10 minutes ago, lying on the couch curled up in as tight a ball as possible staring into space. Clara, his almost year old niece was laying on top of him with his arms around his neck and her head against his napping. If the situation weren't so dyer it would have been the cutest thing ever.

"She's fine. But what are we going to do about Chuck?" Ellie said impatiently. Again nothing but silence. "Seriously, am I the only one who cares here? My brother is dying!"

"Babe, we get it, we know. You need to calm down." Devon said calmly coming up to his wife. Ellie just glared at him giving him a 'don't touch me look' as he reached out to embrace her. Mary stepped up between her daughter and her husband to quail any trouble.

"Honey, we just don't know what to do. Maybe if we get him active again. I'll call General Beckman and see if there's"

"What? NO! That's not what I meant. Going on a mission is not an option." Ellie shouted.

"And why not Eleanor? It's what he does, it's who he is." Mary argued back. Ellie took a deep breath and let it out slowly counting to ten, thinking that perhaps getting everyone involved in helping Chuck was a bad idea.

"Sending him out there to do whatever it is spies do in his current frame of mind would probably just get him killed. Is that what you want mother?"

"Of course not. But this attitude is exactly evidence that you have no idea how spies operate." Mary countered.

"I don't care how spies operate, I care about Chuck and how he operates. Sending him out there will just get him hurt, or worst, killed. And I will not let that happen."

"ENOUGH!" Everyone jumped slightly at the shout coming from the smallest of the group, one Morgan Grimes. They all stared at him wide eyed. Morgan may be semi obnoxious, chaotic, and loud at times, but he never shouts. Morgan just shook his head in disgust standing on the edge of the fountain.

"That is my best friend in there, and he is hurting and this arguing on how to help him isn't actually helping him!" He looked at each of them as his words sunk in. "Mrs. B. I know you mean well but I agree with Ellie. Chuck is in no condition to go on any mission. Especially since the intersect is probably not working." Mary just huffed and turned away from him to look at Ellie again.

"I know you mean well Morgan dear but you siding with Ellie is not exactly a surprise with your little crush." She said.

"Now wait a minute." Alex started to cut in only to be stopped by Morgan putting his hand on her shoulder.

"That was uncalled for mother. Just, forget it. I'll help him myself." Ellie huffed out and turned to go enter Chuck's, now her and Devon's as well apartment. She was tempted to slam the door to emphasize how angry she was but decided it wouldn't be best to startle Chuck and Clara.

She plopped down into the big comfy chair next to the couch and stared at her brother and daughter. Clara was fast asleep still atop her Uncle while Chuck just laid there staring straight, not seeing anything. Ellie was tempted to turn off the TV to get some silence but decided against it, actually hoping that while he wasn't watching the screen her brother was at least listening to it. It was The Mermaid, Clara's current favorite Disney movie.

She rested her head back against the back of the chair and curled up staring at the ceiling. For the millionth time in the past few months she thought about how everything had gone so wrong for Chuck. Their lives together has always been trouble and marked with horrible experiences, stemmed mostly from their parents abandoning them. She had had to raise chuck since her mother walked out, even before their father left them.

She had had to grow up fast with a little brother to care for. College was hard for her, harder than it should have been. She was smart and she knew it, getting full rides to both college and medical school. But she had still had Chuck in high school to deal with. Luckily Mrs. Grimes, Morgan's mother adored Chuck, like every other adult in the world aside from their own parents apparently and had allowed him to practically live with them the last couple years of high school.

She couldn't be more proud of him then when he told her over one of their Saturday gouge fests they did that he had gotten a full ride scholarship to Stanford. She had burst into tears when he told her and they had spent all night planning the future and what they want and dreamed of. It was one of her favorite memories.

With Chuck off to Stanford she was finally able to feel free enough to focus on her own life, her main focus being on her schooling and raising Chuck. She had then met Devon on the first day of Medical school. What was supposed to be a fling or two in a supply closet turned out to become her first real relationship. Everything was going so well for her, and for Chuck.

That was until a phone call one afternoon a few years later. Chuck had gotten kicked out of school. She was horrified. She couldn't believe it. They had accused him of stealing tests and expelled him. She didn't even have to ask if it was true, knowing it wasn't. A week later after moving home she had come home from work, doing her first year of residency, to find chuck laying on the couch, much like he was now. He had gone up to Stanford to talk to Jill, his girlfriend of 3 years, to find out she was sleeping with Bryce Larkin, his best friend, who had got him kicked out of school.

The time after that was some of the most difficult and painful times. Watching her brother fall apart wasn't easy. She tried to be the supportive sister but she was worried about him and always tried to get him out of his depression, going so far as to even suggest, frequently, that he seek some medical help for it. Luckily Morgan was there for him, like always. She never really liked Morgan, and found him creepy and disgusting most times, but she tolerated him, a lot, because of his loyalty to Chuck.

After that time it just was up and down with Chuck. He took everything after that so hard, accepted failures and let them build, never accepting success. His promotion to Nerd Herd supervisor, while she wanted him to live up to his potential and get a better job, she was proud of him, while he just saw it as another chain added that will keep him there forever.

Eventually he met Sarah Walker, and though she came with all sorts of ups and downs and drama and depressions and pains for her brother, ultimately they got it together and her brother was happy. Truly happy. He had a job he loved, he had his soul mate, he wasn't lying anymore to everyone, since they all knew his secret now, and he had gotten their mother back. Even with things like Sarah being poisoned and them getting kicked out of the CIA, they were on top of the world. But now Ellie was worried that this could be the blow that finally takes her brother away.

Three weeks ago, she and Devon had decided to not go to Chicago. After Sarah had left, and Casey, Ellie couldn't leave him. Not in the state he was in. So after talking to Devon, who was well aware since the beginning of their relationship all those years ago knew that Chuck was one of under Clara now the most important people in her life, they decided to stay. They had already given their notice so they lost their apartment, but that was fine. They just moved back in with Chuck. She didn't even think he noticed, but she was glad they did. He was bad now, she was too afraid to imagine how he would end up if they hadn't. So here they were.

"Babe." Devon said in a whisper, putting his hands on her shoulders and gently massaging them. She had jumped slightly, so lost in her own thoughts she didn't hear him enter the house again. She tipped her chin up to give him a kiss in which he reciprocated.

"Don't worry El, we'll figure it out. We won't let him fade." He said encouragingly, kissing her again. She just looked back at Chuck for a moment taking a deep breath.

"I hope so. I really really hope so."

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General Diane Beckman stared at the report on her desk. It was from the highest government official possible, the President himself. With domestic terrorism on the highest level happening he wanted the Intersect up and running. The report that Chuck Bartowski had once again uploaded the Intersect had been tremendous news for all agencies, and they were all eager to put them into action.

However what none of the other agencies knew, or even cared about if Beckman was honest, was how glitch it could be when the host was in an emotional state, and that right now, it probably was not working at all. While she tried to keep everything professional and unattached even she, a hardened 25 year veteran of the US military, General and head of the NSA, couldn't help but be affected by Chuck Bartowski's kind nature.

The news of Sarah's departure of the damaged Intersect had erased her memories and split even her harden heart and feel for Chuck. She knew without a doubt, with Sarah gone and back at the farm at Langley getting recertified, that the intersect in Chuck Bartowski was out of commission, and would be for a long time.

Beckman took a deep breath considering her options. Before reporting to the Chief she would need more information on what the situation at hand was. She debated on who would be the best source, grimacing severely as she thought of Morgan Grimes. While she appreciated his enthusiasm she found him to be a general pain in the ass. His sister, Ellie Woodcomb was also out of the question, knowing how protective she was of her brother, which while obnoxious the General could understand and appreciate, would not give any information if it would lead to Chuck being put back in the field.

Her last option was Col. John Casey. She knew he was currently out of the country with Gertrude Verbanski, a private security specialist, and that he was no longer a member of the NSA, hence why he was last but she needed the report and she needed it soon and without as much civilian drama as possible. She took a deep breath before picking the phone and calling Casey's secure private phone number. It rang several times before he picked up.

"John Casey, how may I help you General" John Casey's gruff voice came over the phone.

"Colonel, I need a report on Chuck Bartowski's current state." She stated briefly, conveying authority in her voice. She heard Casey pause for a moment, probably to try on what angle she was pulling. She tried to hide the small smile that crept upon her stern face. Chuck Bartowski was certainly a special man if he could instill such loyalty in someone such as John Casey and make him hesitate to report what he knows to a General.

"As far as I know Bartowski is still in Burbank. Aside from that I have no knowledge of his current actives." He said briskly. Beckman could tell he was holding something back.

"You have no knowledge of anything involving Bartowski?" She pushed. Again silence for a moment on the other side.

"No Ma'am. I have not been in contact much with anyone there except to check on my daughter." He stated. Beckman nodded, not that he could see that. "If I may inquire General, why are you seeking information on Bartowski?" He inquired. Beckman paused for a moment herself, thinking if it would be beneficial to inform him of the situation or to give him minimal as needed information.

"The Joint Chiefs want to put the Intersect back out in the field as soon as possible."

"That is not a good idea General." Casey burst out. Beckman raised her eyebrow knowingly. Yes, she knew he was hiding something.

"And why is that Col." She heard him on the other line take a few deep breaths. She almost felt bad about pushing him for information but orders were orders.

"General," He started and paused again. It was silent a few moments with Casey gathering his thoughts and Beckman waiting for what she knew would be coming.

"General, Bartowski is in no condition to go out in the field. From my intel he's practically catatonic." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "Last I heard from Alex Ellie was looking into putting him away." He stated. That surprised her a little.

"What do you mean by 'put him away?'" She inquired, knowing exactly what he meant but needing him to spell it out for her. The more solid information she had the better she'll have to attempt to shut this down.

"They're looking for a hospital to put him in." He said grudgingly, hating the feeling of betraying his friend. That surprised her a bit. She didn't think the situation could have been that bad off.

"I see. " She said simply not exactly knowing what to say to that. The silence stretched out to an almost uncomfortable time.

"Thank you Col. for informing me of the situation." She stated briskly before terminating the call in her normal abrupt manner.

She looked down at the orders in front of her again, ordering her to assess the situation on the Intersect. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sitting back in her big chair, considering the best course of action to take.

AN: as you can tell i love Angsty stories. I would LOVE if you could recemend some to me.

Next chapter in a few days.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: so i'm not much for waiting so here's the next chapter.

Chapter 2

Chuck sat on his comfy chair in his room by the window. He'd been staring out at the fountain for; he didn't even know the amount of time. He was curled up in as tight a ball as his tall frame would allow on the chair, resting his cheek against his knees under his chin. He was cold, and wanted a blanket or a sweatshirt but he didn't feel like moving. He's been cold so much in the past weeks, both inside and out, only feeling the numb feeling barely coursing through his extremities.

He had been spending more and more time in this chair staring out the window. He liked to look at the fountain. The sound it made as it flowed through the top and dropped to the bottom soothed him mind. He could focus on the beautiful sound of moving water and less on what coursed through his mind and his aching heart.

He knew his reaction to his wife's leaving was extreme but he couldn't help how he felt. He was just tired. Tired of all the drama, of everything happening to him. Despite all the bad things that have ever happened to him, he always tried to be a good person. He was well aware that his frequent depression showed through greatly over there years despite trying hard to hide it, but it was always towards him, he never wanted to hurt anybody else. But this last straw just broke him. He had felt it when she had walked away. He knew it was different and he couldn't shake out of it.

He has spent the past month or so doing nothing. He didn't have the energy or the will to do anything. After a few weeks he managed to get himself out of bed and into the living room at least, only to slightly appease his sister. He knew she was upset over what was happening to him, but he couldn't bring himself to exactly care. Which in turn hurt more and buried him deeper in his grief.

That was until one day when she had begged and pleaded with him to get out of bed and come to the living room. He had ignored her as he always did, choosing to stare into space and keep his mind as blank as possible, she just collapsed on his bed. She sobbed uncontrollably and incoherently. He had never heard her like that before. She crawled up the length of his and wrapper and lay there, wrapping herself around him as much as possible as if protecting him. She had sobbed at him that he couldn't leave her, that she needed him. That she loved him too.

She had stayed there for hours just whispering to him, and sobbing every now and then only to calm down and repeat. It had alarmed him how numb he had felt during the whole thing. He knew he should feel something, regret, sadness, anger at himself for causing this to his sister who had done nothing but loved him, raised him, and encouraged him his whole life. But he couldn't feel anything at all. The next day he had dragged himself, literally out of bed, and took a shower.

After weeks of lying in bed it was a struggle but the hot water felt good upon his skin cascading down his head and over his body. He had taken a moment to look at himself, seeing more sharp angles then before, not even knowing when he had last eaten, feeling it was years ago. The momentary reprieve of physical feeling was short lived after that, the numbness returning and his mind starting to fog again. He just stayed under the spray of the water, not realizing the hot water had long since run out and was pouring icy water down on his naked thinned self.

He didn't remember anything after that. He presumed since his next cognitive thought had him lying in bed once more that someone had gotten him out of the shower. He burrowed and curled deeper into the blankets that had covered him, seeking warmth that he knew would never come again and let his mind go blank again.

The next day, or perhaps days later, he wasn't sure as time lost all meaning to him, his mind jolted back to Ellie and the last interaction of her and somehow got the energy to drag himself out to the living room. That was a few weeks after the beach, when Sarah walked away from him. He was vaguely aware that Ellie and Devon had moved into his apartment, mostly from the frequently noise of Clara.

But recently he's taken to staring out the window of his room. Thoughts of drowning himself in the fountain flickered through his mind briefly, frequently. Thoughts of just ending and getting it over with, moving on, has become frequent thoughts in his mind. He knew he should be frightened of these thoughts of visions of suicide but he couldn't feel anything, and if he felt anything at all regarding them, it was a bit of comfort. He knew the only thing from stopping himself was his family and the possibility, though he acknowledges slim, that Sarah would come back to him.

A Noise at his door broke him out of his thoughts, almost startling him. It was a small tapping sound at the bottom. If he had pets he'd swear it was them trying to get in but he knew it was Clara. It had been an increased frequent thing for her. Now almost a year old she was crawling all over the place, and one place she frequented was Chucks door, tapping at the very bottom, somehow knowing he was in there.

He turned away from the door again to stare back out the window ignoring her.

The door opened slightly and he heard the patter of knees and hands crawling on the floor quickly, and a small giggle rising as she was obviously picked up from the floor. Little feet were dangled in front of his face as the child giggled and was held out to him. But Chuck didn't reach out for her. He wanted to be alone, but the person, Ellie was persistent and unwrapped his arms from his legs and deposited the child on him then sat at the end of his bed.

Chuck didn't know what to do. Clara wiggled in his arms, babbled her baby talk as if everything was normal. A brief sharp pain from the numbness of his heart shot through him knowing that he wasn't a good Uncle to her. He turned back to the window.

"Chuck." Ellie started, sitting forward a bit on the bed. He didn't acknowledge she said anything. She blew out a breath she was holding trying to hold back tears.

"I don't know what to do for you Chuck." She said. Silence spread between them, the only sounds were from Clara as she babbled to Chuck. "Please look at me." She begged. But he wouldn't. He knew what was coming. He had heard them discussing it. He had waited for it, knowing it would come eventually.

"Chuck, you need more help then what we can give you here. " He heard her sniff as her voice cracked. He didn't want her to cry more over him.

"We've decided, that we you need more help. You're wasting away dying here and I can't let that happen. I need to do what I can and as much as it pains me that means I have to let a professional help." She was full out crying now. He turned from the window then, glancing down at Clara. For the first time in weeks speaking. He wanted to ease her pain, and let her move on.

"I think that is what's best." He said softly, his voice husky from lack of use. Ellie's crying hitched as she took a deep breath afraid if she breaths he won't speak again.

"Chuck…" She started quietly, not quite sure what to say, afraid if she said anything more he'll never speak again. He turned to look at her, and for the first time in months made eye contact with his sister. He took a deep breath.

"I want you to put me away, get a doctor to say I'm incompetent, and get a lawyer to take control of my assets." He said firmly. He knew this had to be done. Sarah had left without taking anything. He wasn't even sure if she was aware of all they had, the money, the Buy More, the house he had bought in hopes of starting a family with her once their funds were released from the CIA. They needed someone to care for them, and as much as he hated to burden anyone, or admit it, he needed someone he trusted to care for him too. Otherwise he knew he would just let himself waste away to nothing.

"I don't want to do that Chuck. I want you better, why are you doing this?" She sobbed. Chuck felt his heart beat a few times, tugging at him to feel something but it just went back to being numb.

"I know you don't but it has to be. And I…" He stopped. He what? He wanted to say he trusted her. Because he knew deep down that he did. Out of everyone in the world he trusted her the most. She had never let him down. But trust was a fickle thing with him. He trusted Sarah, and through no real fault of her own, but because of Quinn, she had broken it and walked away. He knew she wasn't to blame. She didn't even know who he was, but it hurt deeply regardless.

"Ellie, please." He whispered quieter than before. For the first time since the beach he felt tears fall down him cheek. He hadn't cried since then, too numb to do so. He knew this was the right course of action. She nodded, and wiped the tears furiously from her cheeks before more came rushing down faster than before.

Chuck squeezed Clara tighter to him. She squealed at delight at finally getting a reaction from her Uncle, causing more tears to fall from his own eyes. She reached up and patted his cheeks as if to say 'it's alright' It was quiet in the room for a few more minutes before Ellie finally stood up and reached to take Clara from his arms.

"I'll make the arrangements Chuck. I want you to get better. I need you to get better. We all do. We need you." She said fiercely, he knew she believed it. He watched her exit his room, glancing back at him once more before closing the door behind her. He wiped the tears from his face, and went back to staring out the window. The flowing water from the fountain once more calming his mind.

Washington DC

"Yes sir. I understand but I don't believe. ….Yes sir…..The report states he's not doing well in the facility he's in. No sir I believe its Bartowski not the facility it's self." General Beckman rolled the pin that sat on her desk back and forth as she listened to the Director of the NSA on the other end of the phone. A habit she had put a stop to years ago but for some reason couldn't stop right now.

"Sir, I don't think it's in the best interest of…..I understand sir. I will make arrangements." With a sigh she hung up the phone finally. She had spent the past 2 weeks since her call to Col Casey regarding Bartowski trying to squelch this effort to put the intersect back into working order.

Since her last report when the initial orders came through she had learned that, per his request, Chuck Bartowski had had his sister Ellie Woodcomb put him in a psychiatric hospital and took control of all his financial assets. She had pulled the national security card and got access to all his records at the facility. The prognoses was not good and her report to her bosses was not received well.

Chuck Bartowski was currently tied to a bed with a feeding tube in him due to his unwillingness to eat. His malnutrition and severe depression had his doctors extremely concerned and is getting to the point where they will be nothing they can do for him. The medications he's on has done nothing to alleviate what ails him. He had denied anyone to visit him including Ellie, which didn't go over well as she had power of attorney over him.

Yet despite his decline, the Joint Chiefs still wanted him in the field. They wanted their intersect, and General Diane Beckman hadn't a clue how to deliver him. They have kicked ideas out over the past two weeks, from forcing him to suck it up, which she still wasn't sure how that would work, to sending Agent Walker back to him. She didn't think that was a good idea either.

She knew that Agent Walker would go back if ordered; she was after all a good Agent of the CIA. However even General Beckman felt that was a low blow to such an asset to the country, and she had voice that point vehemently.

She jumped slightly as her phone rang again, annoyed at herself for being so deep in thought and not paying attention to her surroundings.

"General Beckman." She said briskly picking up the phone. She listened to the caller for a moment or two before her eyes went wide in astonishment.

"That is not an option sir. That hasn't even been tested on human subjects yet." She argued. The voice on the other side of the line didn't seem to notice her disagreement as they continued. Once they were finished General Diane Beckman took a deep breath to try to calm herself, she was talking to a superior after all.

"Sir, I must vehemently disagree with this plan of action. To use that method could cause devastating results to Mr. Bartowski." She listened for a few minutes more before the call ended and she hung up. She stared out wide eyed in shock, not sure what exactly she can to do fix this.

The Joint Chiefs and Directors of the NSA and CIA have decided the best course of action for the intersect is to put him on Laudanol.

A/N: So I post when its done. Next weeks updates may be slow since its the biggest week of the year for my job (horse racing)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

6 months later

Sarah Walker, spy extraordinaire jumped from the roof of the building following the target and duck rolled back to her feet on the lower roof of the next building. She quickly followed him, using a bar nearby to swing her forward to kick him in the back to knock him down. He fell flat on his face and quickly rolled to his back to reach for his gun, but it was too late. Sarah stood over him, gun drawn poised to shoot.

"One move and I kill you." She spat ruthlessly. By then other agents involved from the op they were on flooded the roof pointing guns at the target. Sarah relaxed and stepped back slightly, allowing a fellow agent take charge of the now captured terrorist.

"Nice job Agent Walker." SAC Andrews stated walking up to her. She gave him a look and a slight nod of her head before turning and walking away. Andrews followed her, stepping up to walk beside her as she headed for the stairs.

"Can I help you Agent Andrews." She asked, trying to keep her voice neutral. Since she recertified at the farm a few weeks ago she had decided to keep everything professional for now on. Seeing how personal entanglements have not worked out in the past for her. Agent Andrews just smiled slightly at her blunt politeness.

"Just curious on what an Agent with your skills is doing chasing down a simple little 2 man terrorist group in Virginia. I've read your file, you are, or were, the CIA's top Agent." He stated. Sarah didn't even glance at him as she went down the staircase quickly, disgruntled at the moment that he apparently was following her and there were 18 flights to go.

"I would think they would have you off in far off places, doing much more important things." He continued, oblivious to her indifference to the conversation as a whole. She continued down the stairwell to the bottom and exited out the side door heading to her car.

"Agent Walker!" He shouts after her. She stops in her steps and turns around with an annoyed look.

"What is it Agent Andrews." She said icily. He just smiled at her and waived.

"It was nice working with you." He stated simply. She nodded once and continued on her car.

She had spent the next hour driving around Virginia with no real destination to calm herself down. She loved the feel of the high after capturing the target. It would make her energized for days afterwards. Now it just wound her up, made her tired.

Something was wrong and she knew it, but she refused to acknowledge it. After leaving Burbank she had come back to Washington to recertify at the CIA farm. Her body felt weird to her, a sign she was out of the spy game for a while.

Of course she knew all about why. Shaw discrediting them, being poisoned, the plot to charge chuck with cybercrimes by releasing a virus. But she just felt so wrong in her own body, not remembering exactly how it had happened, without living it.

Going back to the farm, she felt a lot more comfortable in her skin then she was before. Her body felt refreshed and she felt more capable of dealing with her memory and her situation. Her memories before she left Burbank were practically non-existent but she was starting to remember a little, barely. But now after getting back to her old self, or what she perceived as herself in the first place, had helped a lot.

More and more memories came flashing back to her every day. She was ordered, as part of the agreement of her return to the CIA to see a psychiatrist, and to make actual progress, not just waste their time. She had hesitated at first but after the first few sessions had helped her sort what she felt about the memories that came back, she took it seriously then.

Sarah was startled out of her own thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing. She jumped slightly before glaring at herself for not being more alert.

"Walker." She stated briskly.

"Agent Walker, I hear we captured the target before he was able to pass on his package." Deputy Director Mika Carlos stated on the line.

"Yes sir. He is being transported to the holding facility right now by Agent Andrews." She replied. She turned on her blinker to exit the freeway she was on, heading home finally.

"Good. Have your report on my desk by Wednesday. In the meantime, you are to report to General Diane Beckman tomorrow morning at 8:30 am. She has requested your presence in a joint NSA/CIA taskforce."

Sarah was silent for a moment. Not quite sure what to say. She knew General Beckman was head of the Intersect project, which handled Chuck, her supposed husband. He had downloaded the Intersect into his head before she had left.

"Agent Walker, did you hear me?" The Deputy Director asked. Sarah took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

"Yes sir. May I inquire what it is that they need me for?" She inquired, holding her breath waiting for the answer.

"You will have to wait and see tomorrow Agent Walker. " He said. And with that final response he disconnected the call. Sarah pulled into her parking spot at her apartment and just sat there breathing deeply trying to calm herself down. She had come along way, but she wasn't quite sure if she was ready to deal with anything having to do with her life from Burbank.

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From the way she was ushered quickly into General Beckman's office the next morning when she arrived alerted Sarah that whatever this task force is that she's being requested on could be big. She walked into the office briskly, walking up to the front of the desk where the General was currently reading a report.

"Have a seat, Agent Walker." She stated without looking up. Sarah sat in the chair across from the desk, crossing her leg over her knee and stared ahead waiting for General Beckman to begin. The room was engulfed in silence for a few long moments; the only sound was some ticking sound in the back of the office behind her and the shuffling of the General turning the pages on what she was reading.

She fought the urge to ask the General what this was about, but knew that would not be well received. High ups frequently used the silent busy tactic to unnerve those below them to signify who is in charge of the meeting. She was about to give in to impulse however when she finally spoke.

"We are just waiting for Col. Casey to arrive. I've been informed he should be here momentarily." She stated, still not looking at Sarah. They waited a few more moments in silence before the door was opened and Col. John Casey entered the room. She stood up, not quite sure what to say.

Her eyes widened however when behind him entered none other than Morgan Grimes and Mary Bartowski. She looked from them to General Beckman in confusion, knowing without a doubt now that this somehow involved Chuck and her stomach dropped a few feet in fear and anticipation of seeing him after waking away from him almost 8 months ago.

"I'm glad you're all here. Please take a seat." Beckman said gesturing towards the conference table on the off to the side of her large office. They all glanced at each other and took seats around the head of the table where Beckman stood. She handed each of them a file with the NSA seal on it and a large stamp saying "CLASSIFIED". On top of the file was a thick stack of papers.

"Is this a gag order Diane?" Mary Bartowski asked flipping through it.

"Yes it is. You are all sworn to secrecy already from your affiliation with being government employees but this is classified at the highest level." She looked at the 4 sitting before her, making sure to make eye contact with each of them, drilling in the importance of this mission into each of them. Spending a little more time glaring at Morgan until he squirmed and tried ducking behind Casey, who just growled at him.

"I don't understand General, what is the mission." Sarah asked confused. She's never had to sign extra confidentiality agreements before. Beckman just pointed at the forms in front of her and sat down waiting. The next few minutes was filled with silence as they read through what they were signing, except for Morgan who didn't understand any of it anyways and waited to see if Casey would sign it before signing it himself, figuring it would be ok.

Once Beckman had the forms back, she stacked them neatly and placed them in an envelope that was sitting next to her. She then sat forward; placing her hands together and began.

"The reason you four are here is because the Joint Chiefs believe you are the best to handle this task." She motioned for them to open the files in front of them. Sarah sat forward and flipped it open, eyes widening at the sight of Chucks photo sitting in front of her.

"What the hell is this Diane?" Mary burst out after opening her own file. She glared up at the General who met her look just as hard. The other just looked in shock and confusion.

"This is the mission Mary. " She stated simply. She cleared her throat before continuing. "As you can see from the report in front of you, the objective is to apprehend Agent Bartowski."

"Why? What has he done?" Sarah asked baffled. She looked over at the other three to see if they were as confused as she was to see them all distressed and stealing glances at each other. "What is going on?" She finally asked. Nobody seemed to want to answer her.

"Agent Walker." General Beckman started then paused, trying to gather her wits. Sarah stared at her expectantly.

"Chuck is gone, he just vanished, and it's the governments fault." Morgan burst out.

"Grimes!" Casey growled at him at once, trying his best to disrespect General Beckman and strangle the life out of his daughter's boyfriend.

"What? It's true!" he shouted back. General Beckman looked sternly at Morgan before looking at Mary, to help calm him down, but she knew from the look on her face she would not have an ally there. Mary Bartowski was pissed, and she showed it. She agreed with Morgan that the government was to blame for what happened to her son, and Beckman knew that she would not help make this any easier.

It was Sarah who stepped in, looking from each of them before finally settling on the small but powerful General, knowing she'd get the most answers out of her. She stared at her expectantly for a few moments while General Beckman gathered her wits again after Morgan's outburst.

"As you are aware Agent Walker, Agent Bartowski had uploaded the Intersect again into his head. Out of any and all people who have uploaded the Intersect he has proved to be the only one who was capable of handling it with any form of efficiency. The Joint Chiefs were eager to put him back to use in the field." She paused for a moment letting Sarah absorb the information she'd been given so far.

"However there was a problem. The Intersect is greatly tied to his emotions." Sarah looked down at that, knowing what was coming. She knew she had hurt Chuck by walking away. She knew he loved her, but at the time she couldn't return the feelings he felt for her. She knew he was distressed as she walked away, hearing him shout after her as she quickly got into her car and drove away, never returning.

"So the Intersect didn't work" She said softly. To her surprise Mary reached over and placed her hand upon Sarah's that was resting on the table and gave it a small squeeze. She looked over at her and saw a small encouraging smile on her face.

"Correct Agent Walker. In fact…we were quite close to losing the Intersect all together." She said quietly.

"What? How?" Sarah asked stunned. Nobody seemed to want to answer that one. The room was in an uncomfortable silence.

"Because when you left it destroyed him." Morgan said quietly, for once not getting growled at by Casey. That seemed to break the silence that had overtaken the room.

"Once you left, Agent Bartowski fell into a severe depression that caused him sister to put him in a psychiatric hospital. He did not fare any better there. It seemed Agent Bartowski had given up. "General Beckman explained.

"Then why are we here discussing apprehending him? Isn't he still there if he's this bad off?" Sarah asked still confused.

"That's where the governments fault comes in." Mary finally pops in. "Diane, would you like to explain what you people have done to my son?" She pushed heatedly. Sarah looked back to Beckman who almost looked remorseful.

"The Joint Chiefs wanted the Intersect in the field no matter what. So they ordered that he be given Laudanol." She said slowly, closing her eyes for a moment. It was obvious that she had been against that course of action but regardless, she had gone along with it.

"Forgive me, but, what is Laudanol?" Sarah asked going through the list of drugs in her mind trying to think of it.

"It's a drug that was developed for soldiers to eliminate fear and help them work better in the field. It makes them fearless, stronger, and even reduces pain. In other words the perfect way to make a super solider, just by giving them a pill." Casey explained.

Sarah was horrified at the description, knowing already where this was heading.

"It wasn't tested on humans yet, the only prototype they had had been taken by Chuck during a mission a few years ago. The results were positive in he was able to overcome his fear and take down the enemy but"

"He almost killed one of them by strangling them." Sarah finished quietly. Mary immediately sat up and turned towards her.

"You remember that?" She asked her hopefully. Sarah stared at the desk a few beats more before meeting Mary's eyes.

"He had stopped. When I said his name. He was so horrified by what he'd almost done. The fear in his eyes frightened me." She said.

"Correct Agent Walker. We were lucky you were able to stop him, but it was decided after that that the Laudanol was just too dangerous at the time to test further, so it was back shelved. "Beckman finished her explanation.

"But that was until their precious Intersect was broken and they decided it was time to do more tests, using Chuck as the guinea pig." Mary spat. Sarah was horrified at that. That the government she worked for, while she knew they did horrible things, would still use a drug like that on not only Chuck, but on someone who was clearly not stable mentally and emotionally.

"They transferred a few CIA doctors and nurses into the facility where Agent Bartowski was and added it to his medication. The effect was immediate and they were happy with the results. A few days after he began the drug he was taken out of the facility and brought to Washington."

"Which scared the shit out of Ellie just so you know." Morgan interrupted again. "She called the police and everything. She's in the process of suing the crap out of that place."

"You took him out without telling anyone?" Sarah asked aghast. Through her memory recovery she did remember how close Chuck and Ellie were. She remembered that his parents had abandoned them both at a very young age and his sister had for the most part raised him.

"It was classified Agent Walker. Ellie Woodcomb had power of attorney over everything involving Chuck Bartowski. The superiors knew that even if we had read her in she would never have agreed to give Agent Bartowski the Laudanol and they wanted the Intersect.

That stopped Sarah for a moment. She knew that with walking away from Chuck and going back to the CIA she had no claim on him. But for some reason it bother her that someone else, in Chuck's time of need had that position. Even though it was Ellie, and she was glad for that, knowing already that nobody would have Chucks best interest more than Ellie Woodcomb.

"How did you three find out then if it was classified?" Sarah asked. Casey took lead on this one.

"When I got a call from Alex a couple days after it had happened I figured it out. Verbanski and I did a little digging with Mary and found out about the Laudanol." He stated simply, always to the point.

"And you didn't tell Ellie?" She asked. Casey shook his head.

"We didn't feel she should know. She was under a lot of stress. On top of having to deal with Chuck and his assets, she had Clara and Devon, the hospital, the Buy More. She was swamped. "Mary consoled.

"So you let her think that someone kidnapped Chuck?" Sarah was shocked at this.

"We had a choice Walker. Either was a bad choice so we went with the best option. We could tell her that the government was kidnapping her brother to force a drug down his throat that would turn him into a drone super solider and watch as chaos insures from her trying to get him back. Or we don't tell her anything and allow the investigation into the facility and disappearance." Casey stated.

"So from the beginning you were helping the government cover it up?" She said angrily

"No Sarah. But we knew who had him and knew the best chance to get him back was to at least act like we were cooperating." Mary said trying to sooth her while at the same time quail her excitement that perhaps Sarah was remembering her feelings for Chuck. Beckman cleared her throat.

"It was a good call. The CIA is handling this investigation in the guise of LAPD so we are controlling it, as well as the lawsuit against the hospital. But that is not why we are here. We knew on the Laudanol Agent Bartowski would be dangerous and they figured they could control him but limiting his access to the Laudanol." Beckman explained further.

"Hmm, so he'll be loyal as long as he'll need it." Casey grunted out.

"That was the point Col. However, what we under estimated was Agent Bartowski himself. Between his natural intelligence and the Intersect he was able to synthesize his own. We lost control of him, and he took off during a mission." Beckman said.

Sarah couldn't help the smile that crossed her face when hearing that Chuck had bested the government. However her smile was short lived when looking at the gloom hanging over the others at this news.

"What happened then, where is he?" She asked. Morgan shrugged.

"That's all we were able to get figure out after that. Perhaps Diane has more information." Mary prompted. General Beckman nodded in acknowledgement.

"This is what happened." She said simply, turning round to the TV behind her. She clicked the play button on the remote next to her on the table and the screen came to life. What played was the most horrifying scene they could imagine.

The view was a security feed in a large room. Inside were around 50 people milling around, talking, and drinking. It was some kind of gathering. They all could recognize several people on the screen as terrorist, drug dealers, arms dealers. Just a bunch of bad guys and their dates. A few minutes into the video however everyone on screen cowered and dropped to the ground as gunfire was seen being shot off camera, the doors closing in the scene of their own accord.

Then, to the horror of everyone in Beckman's office, a tall, thin, lanky figure stepped into the shot. She heard sounds of gasps and surprise from the other 4 around her as she watched in horror as the man she was slowly remembering, remembering as a kind, gentle soul, slaughtered everyone in the room.

Once his guns appeared to run out of he stepped into action fighting off those who felt brave enough to attack him after that. He kicked, spun, chopped, and grabbed. He was the perfect example of Kung-Fu and offensive fighting there was. But they were too horrified by the scene of Chuck killing them.

Whether one by one or as a group while they attacked Chuck ended their lives. He broke their necks, arms, ribs, legs, everything. At one point someone brought out a knife and the blood bath began. Chuck quickly gained control of the knife plunging it deep into the throat of its owner and pushing him back, swinging his arm back to catch the guy behind him.

Finally nobody was left to attack. The remaining survivors were the dates that had brought to the party who were banging on the doors in the back to get out. To everyone's horror, he stooped down to the nearest body and picked up whatever gun was there and advanced towards the not so innocent victims. He then proceeded to shoot each one.

Chuck stood there for a moment, assessing the chaos he had caused. Nobody in the room breathed as he turned around slowly and look directly into the camera. Blood covered him from head to toe, but what was most disturbing to all was the look nothing on his face. He showed no emotion. No anger, regret, sadness, horror, nothing. He raises the gun he was still holding, pointed it directly at the security camera that was recording him and shot it.

Nobody said anything, or even breathed as the screen went fuzzy and then off. It was quiet in the room for what felt like hours as General Beckman turned the TV off and turned back around to face them.

"What…what have you done to Chuck?" Morgan stuttered out. Beckman just shook her head and sat back.

"There have been at least another 4 instances similar to this. Regardless that he is going after enemies of the US, the fact that he is willing to kill anyone in his way has made him a liability and we've been ordered to bring him in. However, any agent that has gotten remotely close to being able to do so has been killed as well. His estimated total killed is around 500 now. He needs to be taken out." She said.

"Taken out? You're going to terminate him? You did this to him!" Mary shouted standing. Beckman raised her hand in defeat, and motioned for her to take her seat again. Once she was Beckman spoke up.

"Which is exactly the point I brought up during the meeting on what to do about this situation. There is a termination order on Chuck Bartowski." She said, the other three started protesting but she raised her hand to silence them. "But I was able to talk them into allowing a chance to apprehend him. If you four are able to get to Chuck first, and bring him in, they will rescind the termination order."

"And then what? You put him jail? You terminate him in custody? What is your grand plan for him once he's caught?" Mary spat.

"It was agreed upon to attempt detox from the Laudanol, and depending on the results, they will ascertain what to do at that time. "

"What do you mean by 'depending on the results' " Morgan inquired raising a hand and finger in the air. The other three looked at General Beckman expectedly.

"Since there has been no human test subjects the withdrawal effects are currently unknown. But the projected results of it are thought to be devastating. The Laudanol suppresses all emotions. It is thought that with the withdrawal from the drug it could cause instability in the person." She let her words sink in.

The room was quiet for the next few minutes while everyone processed what they had learned. Sarah wasn't exactly sure what to feel, and considering the situation, thought it was kind of ironic. She wasn't sure what to do. She was remembering him sure, but she's being included on this team like she's his best friend. Which considering they are married would make her so? But still, this would be heading straight into her past, the five years missing. Was she ready for this?

"When do we start?" She asked, taking a deep breath.

A/N: Next update prob weds or thursday. Thank you for the reviews. I know its angsty and depressing its kinda the point. Eventually it will get lighter but not for a while. I'd say i'm sorry but i'm not.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The pain he felt was unbearable. His body was over heated, sweat soaking him threw. Every nerve on under his skin pulsed and shot throughout his anatomy feeling as if he were being electrocuted. He figured this was the closest to the cruciatus curse that anyone could get.

He knew it was necessary what he was doing, but he also knew that he would give in eventually. He knew that he would give in soon or he could quite possibly lose his mind more then he already has. He'd begun doing this the past month or so. So tired of being completely numb, of not feeling anything, he would deliberately not take the Laudanol just to feel something. Even if that something was nothing but excruciating pain.

It allowed him a moment to feel the anger he knew he should feel towards his government for doing this to him. Despite holding them responsible for breaking his family apart at a young age, taking his parents away, he had gone into service and joined the CIA. He had lied to his sister and friends. Had sacrificed so much of himself to become what they required, only to end up being drugged into submission and taken away.

He followed their orders for the first few months after that, having no choice. They only gave him enough Laudanol to survive the missions they sent him out on. They had finally found a way to control their Intersect, ignoring the fact that he was a human as well.

Chuck smiled through the pain at the remembrance of besting them. They have under estimated him. Jill may have been right when he slept through bio-chem at Stanford, but he still had knowledge of it, and he was able to replicate the Laudanol, taking control away from the CIA.

Chuck finally couldn't take it anymore and rolled out of bed and onto the floor. He slithered and crawled as best he could, grimacing and moaning in pain to the table across the room where he kept the Laudanol out of direct reach. He quickly grabbed the bottle that kept it and took a pill out, careful to only take one, not wanting to accidently increase the dose in his desperation to stop the pain.

He swallowed the small white and green pill whole and dry and lay back on the floor to curl up and wait for it to take effect. Luckily it was quick acting and he wouldn't suffer for much longer. After a few minutes he could feel it take effect. He felt his body start to numb from head to toe as if ice was starting to flow through his veins until he was left unfeeling again with only a few muscle spasms to remind him what he had just done.

Chuck rolled over onto his back, stretching his long frame out, resting his hands upon his chest and stared at the ceiling. He knew that the best way to completely stay out of anyone's control was to lose his dependency on the Laudanol, but he wasn't sure if he could do it alone, and he didn't exactly trust anyone at the moment. Everyone was just out for their own gain. To find what they could use him for and do so without any regard to him.

He wanted to feel the anger, but felt nothing at all.

Chuck lay on the floor for what felt like hours before finally lifting himself off the floor carefully and standing at his full height. He stood there for a moment looking around the room he was in. It was a hotel room he had randomly crashed in a few nights ago. Staying off the grid was easier than he had thought. Sarah had always made it sound so difficult but aside from his extracurricular actives he found it relatively easy.

The room was small and dingy. It was bathed in darkness with the curtains drawn tightly. He liked the dark; it's how he imagined he felt on the inside. Walking into the bathroom he turned the water on full blast, turning the water on has hot as possible.

He stripped his clothes that were covered in his sweat off his body, pooling them on the floor at his feet. He paused at the mirror above the sink, glaring at the face that stared back at him in the reflection. He barely recognized the man. His face was pale and thin, thick dark bags under his eyes telling of sleepless nights. Almost a full beard from lack of shaving the last few weeks. He hated the person he saw.

He felt a stab of anger rise up, causing him to momentarily forget to breath. The sudden bought of emotion after a withdrawal session always startled and hurt the most. He leaned into the sink, using what strength he had left to hold himself up while he got his breath back. He looked back up in the mirror, once again seeing his hated reflection.

Without warning he pulled his fist back and put it through the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. The shards crashed into the sink and around him on the floor scattering all around him. He held still for a moment before pulling his fist back and slowly bringing it up to his face. Blood dripped from the broken skin caused by the glass, shards still sticking out from the split skin.

He stared at it, willing to feel the pain in his hands, to feel the agony of hitting the glass and wall behind it. Of splitting his skin open and the blood dripping down his arm. But he felt nothing. Looking down at the blood pooling in the sink he picked up a larger shard sitting inside and turned towards the shower and stepped under the spray.

The water had long lost the heat and was ice cold as it pounded down on his naked body. Chuck leaned against the wall of the stall and slowly slid down the length to the floor pulling his knees up to under his chin. He wanted to cry, to scream, anything. But all he felt was nothing. He watched the blood from his hand wash down the drain, fascinated by the swirl pattern it would make until it was almost completely clear water again.

He brought the shard of glass up to his vision, staring at the razor sharp edges for a few moments before bringing it down to his thigh, pressing hard and dragging it across his skin. He closed his eyes for a moment at the sight of it, feeling a small twinge shooting from the wound he had caused. His breath hitched in his throat again and he felt the prickle of tears in the corner of his eyes that he knew would not fall. He just wanted things back to normal.

With that he brought the shard down again upon his thigh, drawing out more lines. If he can't feel the pain inside, he can at least show it on the outside.

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Chuck walked down the street towards the club on Franklin Street. He had flashed on an arms dealer that was currently in Baltimore, Maryland looking to sell weapons to a drug cartel that the DEA was tracking and trying to shut down. The information he feds had collected showed that he liked to frequent high end clubs in the New England area. Chuck decided he would be his next target.

He may be stuck with the drug coursing through his body, controlling him, but he made the decision that he would take control of his fate and what he did with it. He was a rogue government Agent with the best intelligence available. He knew he could have just gone off grid and stayed in hiding forever, but even though he didn't feel his emotions, he remembered who he was.

He was Chuck Bartowski. He had been at one time a caring person who just wanted to help people. And with the information he had stored in his brain from the Intersect, he didn't believe his old self would allow it to go to waste.

Besides, he didn't feel fear so nothing was really stopping him now.

He walked up to the bar finding a small line in front and got in line with the others. He flashed two $500 bills to the muscle at the front door when it was his turn to step up and he was waived in with barely a glance.

The club was dark except for the flashing strobing lights around the room, smoke hazing around everything as the music pounded loudly in his ears. He stepped to the side to avoid the people who danced wildly all around the room as he looked around for his target.

Not spotting him right away he walked up to the bar where a beautiful blonde in skimpy clothing was serving alcohol to mostly men who flung obscene offers at her. He pushed himself through them to the front, gaining glares and loud gestures and words in annoyance. He didn't care.

"What can I get you sweetie." The barmaid asked as he stepped up to the bar.

"Gin and tonic." He said simply, pushing a hundred dollar bill across the counter. She raised her eyebrow and a crooked smile at him as she began making his drink. She put it on the bar in front of him with a napkin underneath. "Keep it." He stated when she took the bill and he walked away to look for his mark again.

He decided to sit at a table near the back to have a better view of those around him. He sat in his chair and sipped his drink, watching the bodies sway on the dance floor freely. He remembered his first date with Sarah. How she had dragged him out onto the dance floor and danced around him. He was amazed at her skill and turned on by how beautiful she was.

That was of course until she dragged him outside, broke into the nerd hearder and efficiently changed his life in that one night.

Chuck shook his head to break himself out of his memories. He didn't want to think of that. That was the past. One that he could never go back to. His wife had lost her memories and walked away from him. He had become a burden on his family and friends at his inability to cope with the loss. While he didn't like being forced into the situation he's in now, he knew he couldn't go back. They were better off without him.

He grimaced for a second as he saw someone come towards him. It was one of the hazards of sitting alone, people tended to feel you needed company. She was a tall thin woman wearing a beautiful gold skin tight dress that glittered when hit by one of the lights. His face became neutral when recognizing Sarah's old friend Carina Miller. He hoped she wasn't here to apprehend him; he wouldn't want to kill his wife's best friend.

She stopped in front of his table, towering over him for a moment. He raised his drink, tipping the glass back smoothly the finish the liquid that was in there, burning its way down his throat. He didn't acknowledge her presence until she crossed her arms and cleared her throat, sounding slightly husky from the smoke they were breathing in.

"Chuckles, what are you doing here?" She asked simply. He looked up and met her stare. Her jaw dropped as she finally got a look at his appearance and she pulled out a chair and dropped her lanky body into it. "What happened to you?"

"Please leave Carina." He said simply, looking her in the eyes. She closed her mouth tightly her eyes going hard.

"I don't take orders from you Chuck. What are you doing here?"

"Why don't you tell me what you are first?" He countered. She thought for a long moment, debating if she should tell him.

"I'm on a case. I'm meeting my mark here for drinks." She said after a few minutes silent. He nodded at her response.

"Is your mark Jose Calibro?" He inquired, already knowing the answer. She didn't confirm nor deny.

"What is the CIA's interest? Or are you here on vacation? I heard Sarah is in DC now." She said. Chuck slammed his glass down on the table hard causing her to jump startled. Silence once again took over.

"Jose Calibro is here to speak to an arms dealer by the name of Mika Baros. I'm here to stop both." Carina's eyes widened at that proclamation.

"No, you do that and you ruin 4 months of DEA undercover work. Not to mention..."

"I don't care about your undercover work. I'm sure the DEA can find another assignment for you to whore yourself out to." He sneered out. Her face got tight with anger and raised her hand quickly to slap him. His hand shot up quicker stopping her hand in place grasping tightly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He said silently to her. She glared back at him trying to pull her arm back but he had a firm grip on her wrist. After a few more moments of their staring contest he slowly loosed his grip and let her take her arm back.

"And what do we have here my sweet?" A voice behind Carina inquired, resting his arms on her shoulders. Chuck didn't take his eyes off Carina's, conveying to her to not blow his cover. She gave a look of defeat and a small nod to her head before turning around slightly to face the man behind her, greeting him with a kiss as he leaned down.

"Jose, this is a friend of mine. This is…"

"Charles. Charles Carmichael." Chuck said simply, finally looking at the man, raising his hand to shake his.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Charles. Carina here doesn't introduce many friends. Are you from the area?" Jose inquired politely, still with his hands tightly on Carina's shoulders, showing obvious possession."

"I'm here on business. I just happened to have bumped into Carina here. "Chuck said.

"And what kinds of business are you into that bring you to Baltimore?"

"He's in shipping dear. Perhaps you two should chat about that. He could help you with your business." Carina said helpfully. Chuck gave a slight smile as thanks.

"And what kind of work are you in that we would speak?" Jose was silent for a moment or two, obviously appraising Chuck.

"I'm in shipping. Perhaps you would like to join Carina and me in the back. I have a meeting with another partner that perhaps would be able to use your services." He said invitingly. Meeting Carina's eyes again he nodded his acceptance of the invitation. Surprised by how quickly everything had gone. He filed away a thought to put more consideration into Carina's talent as an agent.

They headed through the dancers in the middle of the club to the other side to go to the private VIP rooms. The muscles at the curtain stepped aside, holding the curtain open for them to pass through. The back room was surprisingly lit brighter, something he was not expecting for a club. He could see people in booths separated around the room, with partially closed curtains for privacy conducting their business.

Chuck followed Jose and his men and Carina to a table in the far back where a large man sat with three heavy set bodyguards standing to the side. They approached the table and Jose introduced everyone and sat down.

"Let's just get to business Baros. I'm looking for some hardware; tell me what you've got." Jose started, apparently not one for small talk. Baros went over what weapons he had to sell and they discussed prices. Once everything was agreed upon Baros ordered drinks for them all to seal the deal.

"So, Mr. Carmichael, you're in shipping huh? What exactly do you ship?" Baros inquired Chuck. Chuck took a sip of his whisky before answering.

"I ship whatever needs it." He said vaguely. Carina looked over at him, eye brow raised impressed. Chuck had come a long way from where he was when she first met him.

"Really. What sort of protection do you offer to your clients for their goods?" Chuck had trouble not rolling his eyes at how trusting these guys seemed to be for people breaking the law. Chuck was getting bored with the whole charade, he wanted to finish the job and get out of Maryland before the CIA figured out he was there.

Chuck finished his drink and set his glass down on the table. He reached up behind him to draw the curtains closed fully before reaching into his holster to pull out his gun with the silencer on quickly and shot both in the head between the eyes before either could react or even know what was going to happen.

Carina jumped in shock but her training kicked in quick enough to not allow a sound to come out. Jose's arm still wrapped around her shoulder she was covered on the face and her top with brain matter. She just stared at Chuck in shock, never believing that Sarah's cute sweet overly sensitive husband would become a cold blooded killer.

Not saying a word Chuck handed over a handkerchief to wipe her face off and his coat to cover her top. When she was presentable again they both slid out from the boot h, careful not to pull the curtains away too far to allow those around them to see inside.

"Andy, the bosses want to be alone for a while to discuss their business further, they said not to interrupt." Carina said passing the dealers bodyguards. The one named Andy nodded his acknowledgement and Carina and Chuck walked out of the club and into the chilled night.

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They walked quickly down to the waterfront as far away from the club as possible, not sure how much time they had before the bodies were discovered. They stopped after a few minutes and stood overlooking the water. They stayed in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Perhaps you should hurry back to wherever you were staying and get your belongings before they realize you were involved in their boss's murder." Chuck suggested, not looking at her. Carina turned around and leaned against the gate.

"No point. A good spy knows not to have anything you may need to leave behind. Nothing important will be lost." She said looking at him. Chuck continued to stare out onto the water.

"What are you going to do now?" He inquired. Carina thought for a moment before answering.

"Go back to Washington. Report to my bosses." She stated.

"What are you going to tell them?" He asked quietly. Again silence stretched between.

"I'll tell them that a rival of one of theirs came in and killed them." She said casually. Chuck finally looked at Carina, meeting her eyes, wondering what her motive would be for lying. "It's fully plausible." She said simply.

Chuck turned from the water and stepped closer to her, trying to gather the words for his request. Carina's reputation as a wildcard made her very unpredictable and hard to trust.

"Will you be telling them about me?" He inquired quietly. She thought for a moment, enjoying watching him squirm a bit though he didn't show it.

"I see no reason to." She said quietly.

"Thank you." He replied back and turned back out to the water. Carina took that moment to step closer to Chuck, getting in his personal space.

"Chuck, where are you with Sarah?" She asked him. Chuck barked out a laugh.

"Are you hitting on me Carina?" He asked.

"Well, I'm here, you're here. A double murder was involved. I figure, why not." She shrugged. Chuck couldn't help the smile gracing his face. He knew he should feel something about what was happening, but honestly, he didn't know what.

"I'm surprised you asked about Sarah then."  
"Well, you may think I'm a whore, and while it seems mostly true, Sarah is the closest thing I have to a best friend. She's always been there and I don't know, I kinda don't want to mess that up." Carina admitted.

Chuck leaned in closing the distance between them, getting as close to her lips as possible without actually touching them.

"Sarah made her choice and I wasn't it." He whispered to her. He closed the distance and pressed his lips to Carina. She responded immediately, opening her mouth to allow him entry. He pressed himself into her running his fingers through her hair. He was surprised by the feeling that course through him. Apparently lust wasn't one of the emotions suppressed, or perhaps it's just too strong a feeling.

"Chuck, are you sure this is a good idea." Carina asked between kisses. Chuck stopped and pulled back a bit gazing directly into her eyes.

"No, but that doesn't matter." He kissed her again more aggressively and he knew the next time he stopped the Laudanol he would hate himself even more then he already did.

A/N. I hate long AN's. Sorry for posting them. I promise this is going to be a Charah so dont start panicking. Yes this is dark, thats kind of the point. Next update will most likely be either next weds/thurs. I've said it earlier, its Derby weekend and i need mon/tues to recover lol. Thank you to those who have reviewed.

Please send recs for dark ansty to me. i loves them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

Sarah sat back in the swivel chair she sat in at the main conference table in Castle. It was decided it was the best location for their main base of operations. While they were working with the CIA to apprehend Chuck, they were also working against them to get to him first. The CIA's main objective was to terminate, while theirs were to apprehend. They were both working for different goals on the same side, and they didn't want to help the CIA get the lead on Chuck before them.

Gaining access to the secret was easier than they thought. With Ellie in control of all assets pertaining to Chuck they figured she would have had it locked down. Apparently they were wrong, and they were able to get in relatively easily with Sarah's codes.

They spent the first three days of their search going over as much data as they could. General Beckman sent over all official, and to their surprise, some unofficial reports of everything pertaining to Chuck and the intersect in the past year. Based off the what they can find there were more than just the 5 that Beckman had mentioned. There were at least a dozen similar events just in lesser scales. That thought alone frightened each of them, including Sarah who barely knew him but knew enough that this was beyond devastating news.

Sarah sighed loudly, tossing the report down on the table and rubbing her eyes tiredly. The others looked over at the loud sound startled. They had all been so quiet since they began digging through the reports days ago.

"This is starting to feel hopeless. There is nothing in here that will tell us where he is. Only where he's been." Sarah huffed out looking exhausted. So far they haven't gotten anywhere on the search for chuck. Mary got out of her chair and came over to stand by Sarah.

"Don't give up yet. We've only just begun. This is too important to quit." She said. Sarah nodded agreeing.

"I'm not suggesting we quit, I'm just stating that this route doesn't seem to be helping. There's no pattern of where he would be. He jumps from one place to another. The only thing that seems consistent is he's hasn't left the states yet. He's not even going in the same direction." She picks up a couple of folders from the table.

"This report has him in Oregon and then next in Virginia, and then back to New Mexico." She stated. They sat in silence thinking on that for a few moments.

"Are they connected in anyway?" Morgan asked reaching out for the reports in Sarah's hands. She passed it over to him and shook her head. She couldn't see any commonalities other than they were bad guys that were slaughtered. Except for the five that Beckman stated were the work of Chuck, the other seven just had common elements to the five confirmed, so they don't even know if it was him.

"Well, where was the last one at? Maybe we can start there and…"

"And what Casey? There is nothing linking them so how would we know his next step? By the time we got there he would be long gone. He's never stayed in the area after." Sarah said exasperated.

"He's following the intersect." Morgan said flipping through some other reports and comparing them. They stopped arguing and looked at him, but he didn't notice, he was looking at reports and highlighting lines on them

"What do you mean moron?" Casey grunted out, clearly annoyed that Morgan didn't continue explaining. Morgan ignored him only raising a finger to indicate he needed another minute. He went from report to report skimming and highlighting and skimming more. Eventually Mary had enough.

"Morgan dear, please. What are you taking about? "He finished what he was doing; capping the highlighter he was using then stood up and put the reports in some kind of order.

"I mean exactly what I said. He's following the intersect. I noticed on the report from Oregon you gave me that there was on the list of victims a Hugo Morales. And looking on a report before that on the time line, in face right before it, was in Florida of a drug cartel there that had quite a few victim names of Marty Schultz, Kent Donovan, and Manuel Calibro. They were associated with Hugo Morales though this cartel. Manuel Calibro is the brother of Jose Calibro who according to this report this morning is the latest victim along with the guy he was meeting. Some arms dealer named Mika Baros." Morgan finished.

While he was explaining the others had gathered around him looking over the reports and highlights of everything, tracking Morgan's line of thinking.

"Damn. The moron is right." Casey breathed out very impressed. Quickly they all gathered the files on the table and began placing a timeline and connection on the wall behind them. They spent the greater part of 3 hours doing it. Once finished they all stood back and looked at their work, a feeling of hope finally filling them up, giving them the feeling they could possibly do this. They could get Chuck.

"Ok, so now what?" Casey asks the question that's on all their minds. They have a timeline now, so now they just had to put it to good use.

An alarm sounded in the room as the security screen behind them popped on. They saw Alex's face standing in front of the panel in theater room trying to get in. Sarah was about to press the key sequence to allow her entry when to their horror Devon stepped into view of the camera and punched in a code. They heard the door open above as the two entered the elevator that would bring them down to castle.

"What the hell is your daughter thinking Casey?" Mary shouted angrily. Casey just met her glare and walked to the stair case where the two had just entered the base. Devon exited first, striding down the stairs with purpose and a stern look on his face. The face that makes him a formidable doctor.

"Devon, dear, what are you doing here? I thought you had Clara today." Mary inquired when he reached the bottom of the stairs. Devon crossed his arms and stared her down. No easy task since his mother in law was a trained spy.

"I did but I dropped her off at daycare on the way here." He said. Not giving anything else away. A few moments of uncomfortable silence filled the air.

"Well, what brings you by?" Mary tried again. Devon walked away and into the main conference area, glancing at the wall of their timeline, his eyes hardening at the sight of Chuck picture at the start of the timeline, and even further down with surveillance pictures amongst other things.

"What is all this?" He demanded, obviously angry now, not taking his eyes off the wall. "What are you guys doing here? What are YOU doing here?" He asks specifically of Sarah, finally looking at her.

Sarah took a step back from him, feeling the angry roll off him. She wasn't sure exactly what to say. She remembered almost nothing of him. Only that he was Chuck's brother in law, which would make him hers as well.

"Devon, what are you doing here. How did you know we were here?" Mary said stepping between Devon and Sarah. She put her complete spy face on, strict, determined, willing to fight, and knowing she'll win. Devon just shook his head as if clearing his thoughts and looked back at the wall.

"When Ellie locked this place down, Chuck had left instructions on how to secure it. I was going through a drawer in the kitchen when I notice this device." He pulled a small hand held device out of his pocket that was blinking. "When you click the button it tells you what is secure."

Devon pressed the button on the device and it cycled through a list of properties each green with the word secure until it came to the one with Castle which was red and blinking 'security breach'.

"I was on my way here when I ran into Alex here. She asked me where I was going, I told her. Apparently she's not exactly like Casey because I could tell she was hiding something." Casey grunted in annoyance but he couldn't figure out if it was from Alex lacking ability to hide things or from the way Devon was talking about her.

"I'm sorry guys. Once he said there was a breach at castle and he was on his way here, I didn't see the point in lying. Even if warned you, he'd still be able to see someone was here. "Alex stated dejectedly. Morgan walked over to her and gave her a tight hug.

"It's ok Alex. I would have caved before that." Casey grunted in agreement to that even though everyone knew it wasn't exactly true anymore. Sure Morgan screwed up a lot, and was the worst spy ever, but he had a good heart and he has improved a lot in the years.

"I don't care about any of this. What are you doing here and how did you get in." Devon said again, breaking up the moment.  
"It's Chuck man. He's in trouble." Morgan said simply. Devon finally stopped looking at the wall to look at those around him. They all nodded in agreement, backing Morgan's statement up.

"How can he be in trouble? He disappeared." Devon said simply.

"He didn't Devon. He was taken by the government. They wanted the intersect to work again." Mary started.

"Uh, Agent Bartowski, should you be telling him this?" Casey stated harshly, glaring at Devon.

"We have to Casey. He's here, he knows we're here. We may need his help when we get him back."

"Help how? To get in the way? To whine the whole time? We have Grimes for that." Casey argued. Sarah watched the tennis match between the two of them as they began arguing. A memory crossed her mind, a mission in a political type building, Devon and Chuck in scrubs.

"He's a doctor." Sarah said quietly. They all turned to her at that revelation.

"You have your memory back?" Devon asked after a minute. Sarah shook her head.

"Not entirely but it's coming back. You're a doctor. You'll be able to help once we have him." She stated fiercely.

"I don't think that's a great idea Sarah. What about Ellie? We'll have to tell her too." Mary said soothingly. Sarah once again shook her head.

"Then we should. " Sarah argued back. Devon put his hands up to them.

"Why don't you let me be the judge on what Ellie should or shouldn't know and just tell me what's going on." Devon suggested firmly. They all took a seat around the conference table and told Devon the horrible story of what's happened to his brother in law.

Devon was shocked, and horrified. As he should be. He couldn't believe that his mild mannered brother in law who last he saw was on the threshold of death at his own depression could turn out to be a killer. They explained to him the drug he was on, Laudanol. Devon had never heard of it but it didn't sound pleasant.

They sat in silence yet again after the tale was told. Devon just stared yet again at the wall, now understanding what it meant. It made his stomach turn in disgust to know they did this to Chuck. He sighed deeply before taking a deep breath and holding it, counting to ten to gather his wits.

"Ok, this is what we're going to do. You continue on what you're doing, and you get me everything you can on this drug he's on. I'll do some research and come up with a detox plan for him." He paused to look each of them in the eye. "And for now we don't tell Ellie." Morgan raised his hand.

"Dumbass this isn't a school." Casey spat out at him. Morgan didn't deter from his hand raising until Devon called on him.

"Are you sure that's a good idea. I mean, if anyone would be determined to help Chuck it would be Ellie." Morgan said. Devon shook his head to that.

"No, when it comes to Chuck, a mother bear defending her cubs are like playful kittens. We'll tell her when we have to and deal with the consequences at that time." Devon said decidedly.

"Do you really think you should be making decisions for Ellie, Devon?" Mary inquired angrily. She may have had to leave her children when they were young, but she had raised her daughter in the time she was there to be independent and rely on no man. Devon making decisions for her genuinely pissed her off.

"Yes, I should. Because Ellie has a lot on her plate and mind. Not only with Clara and me a our little family, she also has work and everything involving Chuck to deal with. She's stretched thin as it is and I don't want to give her false hope before we have to." He said decidedly.

"False hope?" Sarah asked quietly, staring at the table. "Is this really what you think this is? You don't think he'll find him?" Devon reached for her hand across the table comfortably. She looked him in the eyes and tried to hold back her tears.

"I'm a doctor. I live in the real world. And the unfortunate truth is that bad things happen to good people, and it's not like TV where it's easily resolved. "Devon took a deep breath, removing his hand from hers. "Once we have Chuck I'll tell Ellie. She'll want to be a part of his recovery."

They all nodded to that. They figured it would be the best way. It gave them hope to be discussing part of Chuck's recovery instead of just his demise.

"How did you guys get in here anyways? Ellie used that code Chuck had listed in his stuff that shut it out for everyone and you needed the counter code to be able to bypass it." He asked

"Well guess that code thingy didn't include any of Walkers logins as she was easily able to get in and do whatever she wanted. " Casey said.

"Well, she does own half of everything. Guess he wanted her to have access to all her stuff. "Mary jumped in. Sarah had yet to add, not really comfortable discussing this topic.

"What does that mean for Ellie?" Morgan asked. Sarah looked confused.

"What do you mean?" She inquired.

"Well Walker, you own half of everything Bartowski does. Including Castle, Buy More, the apartment at Echo Park, plus almost 1billion in net worth dollars. Who knows what else?" Casey informed her.

Sarah thought about it for a moment. The shear amount of the assets scared her. She never had much of anything that was really her property. She didn't feel any of it was here's. It was all Chucks. She was just beginning to remember things and people. She wasn't quite ready to handle anything of that proportion.

"I think it's best if she's willing to do so for her to continue to handle this stuff for now. I'll concentrate on finding Chuck." She suggested.

"She's stressed right now but I think it does help her. But just know it is yours, and you are free to take it back when you want. Regardless what happens with Chuck? I know that's what he would want." Devon told her.

"Great, now that the mushy shit is out of the way can we get back to work? Casey ground out. He gained a kick from his daughter for his effort. He just gave her a quick glare which she quickly returned. Devon raised his hands in apology.

'Sorry to interrupt bro. Is there anything I can help with?" Devon offered.

"Well, I've been thinking." Morgan started, walking to the wall timeline. "Anyone else thinks it's odd that all the other crime scenes were basically just a mass slaughter fest, while the last scene was only two deaths."

The others got up from the table and crowded along the end. Sarah picked up the file from the table behind them and skimmed through it.

"This club is notorious for all sorts of illegal activities from the back room. It's private." She said.

"He could have killed everyone back there without anyone in the front knowing for a while. So why only those two?" Mary cut in. Morgan agreed hopping slightly from foot to foot in excitement.

"And how neatly too. One shot each to the head. It's a complete change from his other…." Morgan deflated at that. Losing his excitement for catching it first. He didn't like thinking of his best friend as a murderer.

"What is it?" Mary asked breaking Morgan from his unhappy thoughts. He looked at Sarah and Casey who were still looking at the file, both with bleak expressions.

"What?" Morgan said a little more forcefully. Sarah and Casey glanced at each other for a second silently communicating.

"The reason for only two is he wasn't alone." Casey started. "He apparently had a friend.

Casey turned the file around showing a picture of Jose Calibro and Carina Miller cozying up together.

"According to the report, the DEA had her undercover investigating Jose Calibro. She was at the club that night.

"Did Jose's me say if anyone was around with them?" Mary asked

"Negative. In fact, everyone who was with Jose that night turned up in the morgue a few days later. The only person who is alive that was there was Carina. "Casey had a gleeful look on his face obviously thinking of what torture to use to gain the information from her.

"I'll call the General about getting Carina here to answer some question then." Mary said, walking away.

A/N. Ok I know I said i wasnt going to post till next week but i got bored last night trying to get sleep to come so i typed up a tiny chapter. Again next chap prob next weds/thurs.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Carina sat back in her chair, legs crossed and arms folded over her chest. She knew it was a sign of insecurity and hiding something, but Carina attempted to play it off as boredom and inconvenience.

When she got the phone call from her boss two days ago regarding the Jose Cabrillo case she feigned confusion, but knew right away it was regarding Chuck.

As promised to Chuck she hadn't mentioned his involvement to anyone. So getting a call to head to Burbank immediately surprised her. She thought about trying to contact Chuck, but she decided to wait till she knew more first, so here she sat, below the Buy More, once again.

She startled slightly at hearing clanking on the stairs to her left. She saw Casey stomp down the steps followed closely by Morgan, Chuck's mother whom she forgot her name, and to her surprise Sarah. She hid her shock of seeing Sarah there with a roll of her eyes and a look of derision.

"Well well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn't Sarah Bartowski, oh, sorry, Walker." Carina teased as they approached the table. Sarah gave her a friend a hard look before taking her seat. The other followed as well sitting around the table.

They all stared at each other for a few moments, silence permeating the air. Carina was starting to feel like one of her suspects, caught and placed in interrogation to sweat a bit. She did not like being treated as such.

"As fun as this is guy's I do have elsewhere to be, so if we could get this started." Carina huffed out, witching her crossed legs.

"Tell us about Jose Cabrillo." Casey started giving her a hard look. Carina gave him a huge grin, leaning forward on the table.

"Well Johnny, It started about eight months ago when…"

"We're only interested in the end." Mary cut in. Carina sat back again, not surprised in the least.

"Were you able to get my report?" Carina asked them. Casey held up the file with the DEA seal on it. She raised her perfectly drawn eyebrow knowingly.

"Well then. All you need to know is in that file. "She stated simply.

"Are you aware that an associate of Jose's was terminated as well as over half his organization in Florida?" Mary inquired.

Carina felt her heart beat an extra beat. She schooled her features to show nothing. After a few moments and no response from Carina, Mary continued.

"This associate was his cousin. After a week later, Jose himself is murdered as well as someone he was making a business deal with." She paused a second time to see any reaction from Carina. When she didn't react at all she continued.

"According to your report, you had left alone a few minutes before they were killed. That was good time Agent Miller."

"What can I say, they wanted to be alone, I left, and they died. No biggie." Carina said nonchalantly. "Are you guys working for Internal Affairs now?" She questioned annoyed.

"Is there anything you would like to add to your report?" Casey butted in. Carina didn't' answer, just made eye contact with each of them, trying to discover their angle.

Sarah sat up straighter looking Carina directly in the eyes. She could tell she'd changed in the past six years. She had glimpses of times with her from the time that was missing but not a lot of it. Just small memories here and there and she could tell that Carina had changed. She looked a bit softer and less like the hardened Agent she remembered more vividly.

"Carina, is there anything you would like to add?" Sarah asked softy, repeating Casey's question. Carina just started back at her not answering.

Sarah visibly sighed, turning to glance at Mary briefly, getting a slight nod before opening the file in front of her. She pulled out a few photos and laid them on the table in front of Carina. She looked down at them and steeled her face further, slipping on her strongest Agent mask.

"Once more Carina. Anything you would like to add." Sarah said once more, pointing at the photos.

Carina stared at them. They were surveillance photos from the club that night. It was of her and Chuck. One was from when she approached him, another from them walking with Jose to the back and lastly, of them walking out of the club after Chuck shocked the crap out of her by killing Jose and Mika.

She had to work to contain the small smile that wanted to grace her face from seeing that last photo. She was wearing Chuck's jacket. It was a beautiful black woolish material. It felt slightly heavy and kept her warm as they exited the club that night. The air had been chilled down on the pier and she was grateful for that jacket. She still had it, Chuck leaving it with her.

She looked back up at Sarah stonily, still refusing to say anything and beginning to worry more about Chuck.

"Carina, please." A quiet voice off to her left begged. She looked over at Morgan, seeing his desperation, the only one not trained to school their features. She sighed sitting forward again.

"Sorry Marty. I can't help you." She said simply. She gave him a weak smile at referring to him in the wrong name again. They had long ago gotten over that and she had learned his proper name but he will always be Marty to her.

Morgan moved his chair closer to hers, leaning into her personal space. It surprised her a little since he'd been trying to get away from her since Sarah's' wedding reception.

"I can't even pretend to express to you the importance of this. Please. You have to tell us." He begged her. She just shook her head and turned away, unable to look at his sad puppy eyes.

"Look, Carina. Anything you say here is strictly confidential. We are not reviewing your report for inaccuracies or anything. We need to know the truth." Mary stated. Carina was beyond confused.

"Tell me why you want to know." She said easily. They want information, she might as well find out why first. Nobody spoke at first. She was starting to get annoyed. Being a spy herself she knew how important keeping information away was, but even she knew that to get information you sometimes had to give it up and these people were complete mums on it.

Carina stood up, stacked the photos sitting in front of her and turned to leave. She had better things to do, and she kind of wanted to inform Chuck of this. But before she could get too far Casey had stood up and blocked her way. She gave her most fierce expression possible and told him in the most deadly voice to get out of her way.

"I'll tell you. Carina." Sarah said not looking at her but at the photos on the table. Carina turned back to the table, slight smile in a smug appearance at wining, though she hardly cared. She wanted to know what the fuck was going on. She moved back to her seat and sat down waiting for them to spin their little tale.

Casey walked next to the wall by the table and removed the covering that was there. Carina looked at the wall. It was some kind of timeline, crime scene photos, reports, Chuck, everything as there. What she saw horrified her. She stood up and walked to the wall, reading everything on there. She couldn't believe it. Chuck would never do this.

She stepped back from the wall at that thought. Yes he would. Perhaps not the old Chuck but whatever happened to him to change him. He was very capable of it now. She witnessed it. Witnessed him shooting two men point blank in the head then walk away as if it were nothing, with her on his arm. She suddenly felt sick and turned away back to her seat.

"What is going on. " She finally asked after taking time to compose herself. Nobody answered and she was getting pissed off. "What the fuck is going on. Why do you need to find him so badly?"

"Chuck is not himself." Morgan finally said.

"Grimes! This is classified." Casey growled angrily at Morgan. To her surprise Morgan glared right back at him. It wasn't particularly intimidating but it certainly was a good try, especially for someone of Morgan's size who could be crushed like a bug by John Casey.

"She has information we need. And if telling her will get it that I'm going to do that." He told him firmly. He then turned to Carina. "Chuck is sick. He fell apart after Sarah and the government decided they wanted him so they gave him a drug in which gets rid of emotions and used it to control him, but he escaped and is on the run."

Carina stared at him like he grew an extra head. So many questions popped into her head but she stopped them from coming through her mouth.

"This is a joke right?" She said simply, disbelieving. Morgan sighed and just sat back.

"I cannot tell you how much I wish this was a joke. This whole thing is a mess. And if we can't find him before someone else does there's a termination order on him. His only hope for survival and getting out of this is us. We have to find him. So please. Please I'm begging you, tell us what you know. You were with Chuck the night Jose died. He killed him didn't he?" Morgan pleaded.

Carina thought for a moment, fought with her conscience and her mind. Her Agent self told her not to divulge any information. In the spy world information was a high commodity. The rest of her remembered how Chuck was and how he used to be, and desperately wanted to help. She hated that Chuck had made her feel a soft spot for him. That's never happened to her before with anyone. But meeting Chuck, seeing his nativity, and his caring nature, especially what he's done for Walker. Well, she couldn't help but adore him and admire him.

"I…why…he…" She didn't know where to start. What to say.

"Whatever you tell us will not being going in any report. Everything is off the record. Not even these surveillance pictures will go in. We got these because we found a connection with Chuck. So don't worry about getting in trouble or anything. "Mary encouraged, seeing that Carina was about to give in. Carina just glared at her.

"I don't care about trouble. I care about my promise to Chuck." She spat annoyed. Everyone looked at her at that statement in surprise.

"You made a promise to Chuck?" Sarah said softly. Carina softened a bit at the saddened look in her eyes for a moment before remembering what Chuck had said right before she kissed him.

"Sarah made her choice and I wasn't it."

But looking over at her friend now, the saddened worried look on her face, the way she held herself. Sarah Walker was beginning to remember she was a Bartowski, and she felt what was left in her heart break for Chuck, for thinking and truly believing that Sarah was gone from him.

"I met him at the club. It wasn't intentional, he was just there drinking and watching out and I approached him. I was meeting Jose there. He…" She paused, feeling like she was betraying him. "He said he was there to take out Jose and Mika. He was just so different. "She said that last part mostly to herself.

"Jose, had come up behind me, and introduced him to Chuck." She gave a small laugh. "He still goes by Carmichael. Charles Carmichael." She looked over at Sarah who returned her smile, but it didn't meet her eyes. Morgan was hunched over the table next to her enthralled in her story.

"I informed Jose that he was in the shipping business, and suggested that they should talk. Jose took my word as a voucher and invited him to the back with him and me while he conducted his business. While we were all toasting the agreement, Jose and Mika will interested in Chuck's shipping business, obviously thinking on how they can get their products out."

Carina stopped talking for a moment, gathering herself. She hated how much this affected to, especially to the point where she was showing weakness in front of others. More specifically in front of other spies.

"He apparently got tired of it as he pulled out a gun with a silencer and just shot them. Jose's arm was still around me. I had blood all over me from the splatter. I could barely breath for a moment." She paused and looked at everyone. They were all disturbed.

"He took off his coat in the booth and handed it to me with a handkerchief thing to wipe my face. I put on the coat and we walked out. I told the guards they wanted some time alone and left. "

Morgan covered his face with his hands in distress. She felt a pang of sympathy for him. Chuck was his best friend after all.

"Where did you go after you left the club" Casey came in again. Carina licked her lips and thought for a moment. She thought about lying, but the desperate looks on each of their faces told her she shouldn't.

"After we left the club we ran down to the pier. We stood there and chatted for a bit. Kind of. More staring into the water. He asked me what was next, and I told him I'd report to my bosses. He asked me then if I was going to mention him. I could tell he didn't want me to. I had no idea what he was doing, or what was going on. But I told him that I wouldn't mention him. "

"He just killed two people and you didn't bother asking if it was sanctioned or what the plan was or anything? You just go along with it?" Casey asked, clearly upset that she had just let that happened. Carina however, didn't answer his question while Morgan and Sarah glared at him. Sarah looked apologetically at Carina.

"What happened after that? Did you go your separate ways?" She asked. Carina couldn't meet her eyes. This was her best friend. Even though Chuck had said it was over she knew it wasn't, and even if it was, it was her best friend. "Carina?" She prodded.

"You fucked him didn't you?" Casey ground out. Carina looked away at him and at Sarah instead. Sarah for her part couldn't look at Carina at all; she just stared at the table in front of her at Casey's accusation.

"Carina, please tell me you didn't." Morgan said next to her. She knew she should be offended. They already though of her as the DEA's call girl. And in most respects its true. She'd do anyone she was ordered to do in order to complete a case. But she couldn't in this case.

"I didn't." She took a deep sigh. Casey scoffed.

"Yeah right." He said. She just glared at him for his comment.

"I was going to but, we stopped." She said. Sarah looked up at her then and Carina met her eyes. "We started kissing on the pier and it got kinda heavy. Since we had just blown my case away I hadn't a place to stay at that second so he invited me to his hotel. When we got there we continued what we were doing earlier, but on his bed. We were really getting into it but then he stopped. He said he couldn't and then he just kinda collapsed next to me on the bed. "She looked away then, looking at Morgan instead.

"We laid there for a little bit. Maybe an hour. I asked him if it was Sarah." She looked back at Sarah then, seeing the hopeful. "He said, even though she doesn't love him anymore, he can't bring himself to be with anyone else. She will always have his heart."

With that proclamation Sarah stood up quickly and walked to the other side of the room, her back to them. She was overwhelmed by the relief she felt that he hadn't of, was it cheating? Is that what it would be considered even with them apart? She didn't know. She was just happy he hadn't. But her heart also broke a bit knowing that if she hadn't been regaining her memories, that she would have stopped a wonderful man from ever finding love again.

"What else?" Mary said quietly.

"We just lay there, in each other's arms for a while. Talking. That's it. He is so messed up. Eventually I fell asleep and sometime during the night he had left. When I woke up the next day the hotel room was empty of anything of his except his coat that I had worn after he….well. You know. "She stopped, she knew she needed to tell them about the hotel, but she was still horrified herself.

"Do you know where he went?" Mary asked her. Carina shook her head negatively.

"No, he was just gone when I woke up. If he had any possessions they were gone too. He had left the Hotel key on the table with some cash and a note saying breakfast was on him." Carina laughed lightly at that memory. She still had that note. It was in the jacket pocket in her suitcase.

"But…there's something, I think you should know." Carina started. At that everyone's attention turned directly to her and the tension rose. "I went into the bathroom to take a shower; there were shards of glass everywhere. They were covered with blood, as well as in the shower stall."

"Do you think he's brining victims back with him?" Mary asked the others. That was more worrisome.

"No, I think it was him." Carina whispered out.

"You think Chuck's harming himself?" Mary asked angrily. She didn't want to believe it. But then again, her baby boy had been doing a lot of things she never thought he would do recently.

"You haven't seen him. You haven't been with him. Lady he's fucked up in the worst way. I have no doubt that the mess in there is his. He needs help." Carina spat back. She was starting to feel exhausted. This was exactly why she didn't let her feelings get involved.

"Is the hotel room as it is?" Casey asked.

"No. He was very adamant that I not to inform anyone of me running into him. So I cleaned up everything and left."

"That was sloppy of him if he didn't want to be known." Casey said.

"Perhaps he was off his game because of Carina. She was an unknown variable and he made a hasty retreat. "Mary cut in. "Perhaps that's why there were only two deaths that night instead of the entire back room. Carina was there. He didn't want to put her in more danger."

"Well that explains that. Now to find his next target before he does." Morgan stated thoughtfully, going back to the files that were piled on the table.

Carina hesitated for a moment. She had something that could help her, but hearing all of this we was hesitant to tell them. If he found out they would lose this card. And she would lose what little trust he had for her, and with his state of mind, that frightened her a lot. Finally she made her decision.

"There's one more thing." She said hesitantly, she sat back in her chair and pulled out a folded piece of paper she kept in her pocket. She unfolded it and set it on the table looking directly at Casey. "You may only get one shot on this. So I would use this wisely." She slid the paper towards Casey.

Sarah walked over to his side and looked down, mouth agape. On the note in Chucks neat handwriting was simply:

Leave a message. 503-555-7855

"He left you his phone number." Sarah said stunned..

A/N: Wow this was hard to write. Not like..the chapter itself but writing it in general. It was SO crazy busy at work this weekend. (my horse lost BTW *sigh*) I'm still doing cleaning up on accounts and such from it. So it was hard to actually get time to type. I wanna say next chapter sunday...I gotta get this work done. Preakness is next week *bangs head* I really need to pick better time of year to write fanfic.

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	7. Chapter 7

A/N: ok I want to say right now. I REALLY suck at fight scenes. Sorry.

Chapter 7

The pain was unbearable. He could feel his mind tether on the edge of insanity at the white sharp stings and stabs that rose through his body. He hadn't intended it to go this far but he didn't have a choice at this point. His body had started to build up a tolerance to the Laudanol, and he refused thus far to give in and take more, but he wasn't sure how long his resolve would last.

Chuck rolled to his knees and tried to life himself up off the floor. His next allowed dose wasn't for another 2 hours and he was determined to make it through. He slowly crawled over to the desk provided by whatever crap hotel he was currently staying in and pulled himself up into the chair to sit in front of his computer.

He had been monitoring the progress of his friends in Castle. Once Sarah used her code to get in, a notification was sent to him notifying him of her entry. He had watched them frequently in the past two weeks. He knew they had come together to try to find them. He had the advantage of being able to access the security systems. He was surprised nobody thought to disable them.

He thought many times over the past weeks to just go to them, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He was a monster now. Before he was just ruining the lives of those who had stayed around him. He knew falling apart the way he did was just pathetic but he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried to dig himself up from the hell of his mind he couldn't do it. He was trapped.

And now, he was just horrified by himself. Yes horrified. He was starting to feel again much to his disdain. He hated how he felt or didn't feel while on the Laudanol, but even worse was when the emotions stopped being suppressed, which was more and more as his tolerance built. He was a monster, and he knew it, and now he couldn't deal with it. He didn't want to infect those around him. He didn't want them to have to deal with the backlash of this drug.

From his surveillance he knew they were tasked with brining him in before the rest of the government. There was a termination order out on him. He welcomed it. If he didn't feel he should at least take down as many bad guys as he could beforehand he would just go back to the government and let them do the deed.

No, he won't go to his friends. But he was proud of them. He watched them as they pieced together the crime scenes and figured out his sequence of moves. When Morgan discovered the Baltimore murder of Jose. His little friend was becoming quite the spy and he couldn't help but smile at that. He missed his friend.

A stab of pain spasms through Chuck's body as he booted up the computer. It took his breath away and he leaned heavily over the laptop trying to gain his breath back. He reached up to head, wrapping his fingers in his curls and held tight, trying not to pull knowing he'll pull all his hair out and be bald. The pain coursed through him for several minutes, sweat pooling down his body. It took all his will power not to expel what little was in his stomach.

After a few minutes he was able to lift his body up and turn back to the computer. The clock showed he had an hour and half before his next dose. He clicked on the feeds link on the desktop bringing up the security feeds from Castle. His heart jumped to the bottom of his stomach seeing Carina there. He listened in as they interrogated her about Baltimore. He could see her resolve falter and her mask begin to fade as they explained to her the situation, up until she gave Casey a piece a paper.

He knew what it was without having to adjust the camera. On a moment of weakness he had left a phone number in the jacket pocket, in case she really needed to get in touch with him, and secretly he hoped that she would. The isolation was starting to get to him, being a social creature by nature, though he would never admit to anyone, even Sarah that he craved human interaction even if that meant Carina.

He felt anger course through him with the pain. He felt betrayed in a way, though it did lessen at seeing Sarah's face.

Seeing Sarah. The first time he saw her in Castle; there was the thought of Hope. Did she come back for him? Did she remember him? Thoughts along those lines floated through his head for days after first seeing her there. They had faded since though. Hearing her voice, watching her peruse through files and build the timeline. Her only goal was to bring him in. She was a CIA agent and she had orders.

Chuck looked at the clock again, one hour to go. 'Fuck it.' He thought to himself. He reached over and grabbed the bottle taking out a white green capsule and swallowing it whole. He closed his eyes in a moment of relief and let himself drift and fall to the floor. He laid there with his eyes shut, listening to his breath and feeling his heart beat through his veins.

He was starting to want this to just end.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sarah's heart pounded in her chest as she hid behind a pile of boxes. They had come up with a plan and had Carina call the number Chuck left her to make arrangements to have him meet her in an empty building near Center St. Carina had been against it at first, not wanting to damage what fragile trust she might have with Chuck but ultimately she realized his best chance of survival would rest on his friends catching him before anyone else.

So he she was, crouched behind boxes. Mary was on the other side of the room in a similar stance while Casey was outside the building with a long range tranq gun. Carina stood in the middle of the large open room, pacing around the boxes, looking out for Chucks arrival.

She was nervous, and scared. These three and half weeks of being in Burbank, of spending time with Casey, Morgan and Mary had brought back more and more of her memories, and with them, the feelings associated with them. She even spent a couple afternoons with Ellie and Clara after Devon found out about them being in Castle.

Spending time with Ellie at first was awkward, as Ellie, though understood her situation blamed her entirely for what had happened to her little brother. But after a couple of hours and a letting Ellie vent, they had both, surprisingly to herself, sobbed apologies and made friends again. Sarah swore to Ellie that she would find Chuck and bring him back, and that just endeared Sarah to her.

Ellie was the only person in Burbank she felt comfortable talking to about the memories coming back. Sorting them out and actually talking about her feelings. She had smiled sadly at that. Chuck would have loved to be there for that.

"I don't think he's going to show." Sarah heard in her ear. She looked over at Carina who had stopped her pacing and just stood in the center of the room now.

"Patience Miller. Bartowski is a moron but he's not stupid. He's probably checking around." Casey responded. They all fell into a silence, being alert for any activity. Ten minutes later Sarah was about to agree with Carina when a soft sound of someone landing startled her.

She looked out towards Carina who had turned around quickly at the sound as well and there, in what would have been all his glory, stood Chuck. Carina and chuck slowly circled each other, not saying anything, obviously checking each for weapons and traps.

Sarah took that moment to look at Chuck the best she could from her angle on the floor. His tall lanky form seemed more skeletal then before, obviously from weight loss. The clothing on his body draped loosely and hung off him. His face was gaunt with bags under his eyes showing months of sleeplessness. His chin and upper lip covered in a thin beard and mustache and his hair was slightly longer than the photos she'd recently seen.

In all appearances, Chuck was a lot worse off than he had originally appeared from the photos from Baltimore, and the report from Carina. Sarah had to stifle a small sob that threated to escape, not wanting to give away her position yet.

"What did you call about?" Chuck started. Sarah listed in on the ear piece, his voice low and gravely from misuse. He sounded tired and warily. Carina stepped closer to him to reach for his hand but he stepped away quickly, surprising Sarah with the speed he still possessed despite appearances.

"Chuck, I was worried. I wanted to check on you and see how you were." Carina confessed. Chuck just stared at her, trying to detect a lie.

"I told you to only call if it were important." He spat out.

"No you didn't Chuckie. You just left a little note saying to leave a message, which I did." Carina countered back.

"What do you want Carina." He ground out. She plastered an amused expression upon her face.

"Aren't you happy to see me Chuck? I missed you. After you left me in the hotel room all by my lonesome." She said. Chuck looked away from her then. Sarah could see the sweat forming on his forehead. She was surprised, knowing the Laudanol suppressed emotions, his acting annoyed and angry at Carina was confusing her.

"Keep him talking." Sarah heard Mary tell Carina through the earwig.

"Seriously Chuck. I was just worried. You don't look so good." Carina offered as a kind of truce.  
"Get him over to the left 3 feet; I'll have a good enough shot." Casey ordered.

Carina reached out for Chuck. He stared at her hand for a few moments before blinking and slowly reaching for it. She walked backwards a few steps, as if to get him further into the light, but stopped suddenly at the smirk that graced Chucks face.

"Not very smart Carina." He hissed at her. He quickly grabbed her on the arms and swung her around, she felt a prick in the back as the tranq dart hit her and fell limply into Chuck's arms.

Sarah stood up, mouth agape as he laid her on the ground. She looked and saw Mary come out from her hiding spot and walk towards the center of the room.

"Chuck, stop. Its time com in." She said firmly. Chuck's smile broadened, frightening Sarah.

"Mom, long time no see. Shooting me, tying me up and blowing up my childhood home isn't enough? Now you're going to turn me into the government and let them deal with me once and for all?" He sneered at her. The venom behind his statement filled Sarah with dread.

"No Chuck. I want to help you." She said softly. "I want to help you Chuck. You need help."

Chuck recoiled and stepped further away hiding in the shadows.

"You need to get him to where Carina is if you want me to tranq him." Casey grunted out annoyed. Mary took a step towards Chuck again but he responded by pulling a gun from the back of his jeans and pointing it strait at her. Sarah couldn't take it anymore and stepped into the light.

Chucks eyes went wide seeing Sarah in person for the first time. His gun lowered slightly but quickly raised it back pointing it to Sarah instead. She walked slowly closer to him, schooling her face to impassive to mask the fear and sadness at seeing him this way. He didn't waiver, the gun still drawn on her.

"Chuck, you need help. Let us help you." She whispered to him when she was close enough. Chuck narrowed his eyes for a moment, his eyes half closed in what Sarah recognized easily as a flash. She wondered what would have trigged it. "Chuck?" She whispered again.

Before she could say anything further Mary had reached them and in one fell swoop grabbed the arm that was holding the gun, pushing it to the side where it went on. Chuck immediately jumped into action swinging his leg back and pushing his elbow into her. Mary fell down as he lifted her arm and swung her over his shoulder. She fell on her back with a loud thud. Sarah was stunned for only a moment as she reached out to take down chuck. She swung her arm and then kicked up to his side as he retaliated. He then raised his knee to hit her gut; she backed her elbow into his face. He reeled back for a second before coming back at her.

Mary jumped back in behind them but they were no match for Chuck. A few more hits and Mary was down for the count. Chuck kicked out at Sarah and sent her sailing through the pile of boxes behind her. Sarah couldn't move for a moment as Chuck sauntered up to her.

She looked up at him just in time to see him flash again, her heart beat faster, actually afraid of what was to come next.

"Where is the weapons cache?" Chuck shouted at her. She looked up at him terrified but narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"What…what are...?" She stammered.

"Don't lie to me Sibone. Where did you hide them?" He clenched his teeth and pressed further forward.

"Chuck…It's me, Sarah." She stammered out. He shook his head and she saw another flash take over. She sat up a little bit, raising her hand slowly to him but before she could get fore he blinked back and with a speed she wouldn't believe he could possess by his appearance he had her pressed into the ground on top of her with a knife to her throat.

"You've been naughty Landon. Blowing up that village. Do you have any idea what you've done?" He gritted through his teeth. Sarah was really starting to get scared now, not quite sure what was going on. She tried to speak but no words would come out. She could hear Casey shouting at her through the ear piece but she couldn't say anything.

Chuck's eyes rolled again, another flash. Only this time when he came out of it he dropped the knife and stood up quickly. His hands went grabbed his hair and he screamed. Sarah's heart burst seeing Chuck display such pain. He bent over as he stumbled away, crouching down, a sob escaping his lips. She sat up slowly from her petrified position on the floor amongst the littered boxes.

After a moment or two he stopped and collapsed on the floor. She wanted to get up and go to him but stopped as he pulled out a bottle from his pocket. She saw him pull out a pill and take it without hesitation knowing exactly what it was. She felt anger seeing him like that. At that stupid pill. Horrified that such a little object could cause so much damage.

Chuck lied there on the floor for a few moments, gaining his breath back. He turned himself over slowly, pushing himself up. He was unsteady but he closed his eyes for a second as if gathering his wits before opening them and looking at Sarah, a look of cold fury. She never thought she could ever see her Chuck look so deadly. He was starting to advance toward her again when the sound of a phone ringing startled them both.

Chuck grabbed the gun sitting down by his feet, pointing it at Sarah as he walked next to Mary looking for the offending object. Finding it he looked at the screen seeing Morgan's face beam up at him. Clicking the 'accept 'button he put the phone to his ear. He wanted to say something but was unsure of what to say to his friend so he was just silent.

"Mrs. B? You there?" Morgan's voice said sounding kind of frantic. When he heard no response he just continued. "I think there's some government people here. They're out in the court yard. They are trying to blend in but I don't think they're doing that great a job if I can see them. They seem to be casing Chuck's, I mean, Ellie's place. "He babbled.

Chuck growled into the phone quietly, obviously startling Morgan on the other line.

"Casey? Is that you?" He asked confused. "I thought I called Mrs. B."

Chuck disconnected the call and tossed the phone across the room and advanced towards Sarah.

"You're using my sister? How could you? You were my wife!" He shouted at her. Sarah stood up then, determined to face him head on.

"What are you talking about, who was that Chuck?" She asked him. He pointed his gun at her again.

"You're using my sister as bait. You think I would go there? You think I would endanger their lives? More importantly you would put them in harm's way?" Sarah wanted to step back at the force of Chuck's words but she was determined to stand up to him.

"We're not Chuck. I don't know who is there. But come with me and we'll find out." She said calmly. But Chuck was having none it.

"She's not like you. She can't defend herself. She has a baby! How dare you!" He strode towards her and she stepped back once but paused as his eyes went wide and he stopped mid step. He slowly looked down at his chest to see a dart sticking out.

"Bullzeye!" Casey shouted in her ear. Chuck stare down at the dart for a moment before dropping the gun to the floor. He reached up slowly, obviously feeling the effects of the dart, and pulled it out of his chest in one quick movement. His eyes danced as he fought to not give in to the effect.

"I guess you win this round walker." He slurred. Chuck tossed the dart to the ground and turned quickly making an exist. Too stunned to follow right away Sarah watched him go.

"I'll try to follow him." Casey said. Sarah stood there for a moment before remembering Mary and Carina. She went over to check on them. Carina just knocked out from a tranq dart but Mary had suffered some injuries. She was starting to wake as Sarah checked out her injuries.

"Chuck? "She mumbled and sat out grimacing in pain. Sarah sat down on the ground next to her.

"He's gone. Casey hit him with a dart and he fled." She stated simply. "It barely fazed him. I don't think Casey will catch him."

Mary nodded and tried standing up. She had finally gotten into a semi standing position when Casey came in, his most annoyed expression plastered on his face.

"Got away huh?" Sarah asked, knowing the answer.

"Well, he is on that drug. Guess it helps adrenaline so he could escape." Casey growled out. "Not sure if he actually escaped of if he was just able to hide. But regardless without the man power…" He trailed off and the other two nodded in agreement. They all knew they would not be calling in for assistance. That would be signing Chuck's death if they found him first.

"We need to get to Ellie's. Morgan called, there were agents at the place. Chuck was not happy." Sarah said as she reached down to try to get Carina. Casey grunted and pushed her aside, picking Carina up and putting her over his shoulder.

"I suggest we get going then." He stated.

The ride back to Casa Bartowski was full of silence. Each thinking of the events that had taken place. When they pulled up to the building and got out they saw agents all around doing various non-descript jobs. Sarah was sure she heard Casey grunt out "morons" as they entered through the gate to the court yard where Alex and Morgan sat at the fountain. They immediately stood up as the other 3 approached.

"What happened? I heard the phone crash before it disconnected." Morgan said in a staged whisper. Mary shook her head.

"I was out and Chuck answered your call. He was not pleased to hear that they are trying to use Ellie to get to him. "Mary said. "I'll call Diane and see what she can do about keeping them away from Ellie. I know they want him but compromising her is not the way to do it."

"Or the best. I mean wouldn't he come here if she was in danger." Alex piped in. Casey put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head.

"Chuck is fiercely loyal and loves a lot of people. But trust me; I believe if anyone fucks with Ellie and Clara, he won't just come here. He will kill everyone and anyone who is in the vicinity." Casey stated.

"And Sarah?" Alex asked curiously. Why not use her then, if not Ellie. Sarah thought about it for a moment. She had no doubt; especially after what Carina had told her that Chuck loved her. But she could take care of herself against bad guys. He knew she was independent and while he always worried about her, he always had faith in her abilities to defend herself.

"In the eyes of a child, mother is god." Sarah said simply. Everyone just stared at her confused. A small smile crept on her face, she remembered a movie she had watched based off a video game with Chuck. Silent Hill. She remembered that line from the end because Chuck had sniffled and she saw a tear fall from his eye. She had reached over and wiped it away gently before leaning in and giving him a tender kiss where it trailed.

"I love that line." He had whispered. "It reminds me of Ellie. Even when our parents were around, Ellie was the one to care for me the most. She raised me. In my eyes, I feel she's as close to being god as possible without actually being him."

Sarah smiled at the memory. She loved this place. Her memories came back faster and faster here.

"Anybody who goes near Ellie will not just have to deal with Intersect Chuck, but Chuck himself. And I'm afraid for anyone who has to do that.

A/N Thanks for the reviews. I know I said maybe Sunday but i hate when i actually type something up to not just post it. I mean whats the point in waiting. Again MAYBE Sunday...


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: A light chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Chuck groaned as he slowly drifted towards consciousness. Everything hurt in his body. He felt as if he'd gone ten rounds with a semi-truck. He had been able to escape the building but hadn't been able to get too far due to the tranq dart and had hidden off in a corner under debris. It wasn't the best hiding spot but Chuck was well aware that unless they called for assistance they wouldn't be able to search everywhere for him.

He rolled over from his side to his back to look up at whatever ceiling type thing was above him and took a deep breath. His head felt fuzzy and he was dizzy, his stomach turned and he felt like throwing up. Though it would be more heaving then anything since he couldn't remember when he last ate.

After laying there for an indeterminate amount of time Chuck finally pushed himself to rise from his spot on the ground. He had to get out of there and back to the hotel he was crashing in. He had to start planning. He thought back to his reaction to the news of hearing that his sister was being used as bait for him. In the deepest part of his mind that Sarah and his friends were not the ones doing it, but he still associated them with the others.

Either way, they were out to capture him.

Chuck made his way back to his hotel, using back allies and shadows. It was still dark out with no moonlight helping his cover to not be seen. Once inside his room he closed and locked the door and leaned his back against it, sliding down to the floor. He felt the sweat from the difficult task of moving cover every inch of his skin. His breath was labored from moving so quickly while he was week. He banged his head against the door softly a few times, hoping to clear some cobwebs.

His eyes fluttered and he felt the familiar tingle of a flash coming on. He saw Sarah in various missions, poisoning diplomats, surveillance of her shooting an arms dealer, a photo of her and Bryce in Lebanon. He came out of the flash, arching his back as pain overwhelmed him. His mind feeling as if one more throb would blow his mind out. A few minutes later it stopped and he slumped over, putting his head against his legs and arms around his neck breathing hard.

After months of not feeling anything at all the frequent bursts of pains that flew through his body now was over whelming. He no longer felt absolutely anything instead feeling everything with such intensity that it took his breath away. Now the only respite he receives is the few hours after finally giving in and taking another pill, the dose increasing exponentially as time went on.

Chuck sat up straight, smashing his head and back against the door as his eyes fluttered again in another flash. He held his breath allowing it to just go, knowing fighting would make it worse. Visions of destruction, bombs, death filled his eyes and it took all his will power not to scream aloud at the terror he saw. The flash finally ended again and he slumped once more against the door.

He couldn't take it anymore. He was going insane, and he needed it to stop. He palmed clumsily for his pocket, trying to reach inside it for the bottle with boneless fingers. He still had several hours he presumed; not knowing the exact time before he should take another pill but he couldn't handle it anymore and he took another.

He sat back, closing his eyes, face raised to the heavens as he waited for the blissful feeling of nothing to numb his body. It was ironic to him how only a short few weeks ago he was desperate to feel anything but this cold numbness and now he was begging for its release. Finally he was able to breathe again, his body feeling weary and tired.

He reached into his coat pocket grabbing a knife he had kept there, the same one that he had held against Sarah's throat not too long ago. He closed his eyes, trying to block out the look of terror on her face. He couldn't stop himself. He should have just gone with them but he couldn't. He was unable to get his body to comply with his wishes. He felt out of control.

He slowly pulled his coat off, leaving it on the floor behind him and looked at his arms. The skin was marred with lines and cuts. Some healed but most were red and angry marks, some still with red blood marks on them.

He grabbed the knife tightly in his left hand and turned his arm for an unmarked spot. He found one just inside the elbow and pressed the knife to the skin. He dragged the knife across the skin deeply, watching the blood pool along the line and spill down his arm.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream out. He wanted to do something but he could feel nothing. He was tired of this. He either felt too much or nothing. He missed the happy medium. The normalness of emotions. He never put much thought into such a subject till now. But at the moment, all he could was place the knife on his skin again and drag, continuing watching as his blood poured from him.

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She was dreaming. She knew she was. She felt a heavy weight upon her stomach and the warm breath on the side of her neck. It felt so real but she knew it wasn't. She kept her eyes closed, hoping to just stay in this dream forever. Here she felt calm, collected. She felt happy and whole. Here she didn't have to contend with the huge gaps of missing time and memories. Even feeling and connections didn't feel so far away. Here there was no question of anything. She felt complete and happy.

"I know you're awake." His voice whispered into her ear. She smiled. The base of his voice causing the hairs on her body stand up as goose bumps covered her flesh. She turned slightly and opened her eyes finally, looking into the beautiful light brownish hazel eyes of her husband.

"And how would you know? I could have been sleeping." She whispered back to him. He smiled at her and her heart fluttered.

"You don't think that after five years I'd be able to tell if you're awake or asleep. " He teased. She just rolled her eyes. "You're a fabulous spy but five years is a long time."

Chuck leaned closer to her, sharing her pillow now and pressed his lips to hers. She responded right away, bringing her hand to wrap around the curls on the back of his neck deepening the kiss. Her stomach fluttered at the feelings he stirred, never wanting it to end.

He slowly rolled her on her back and stretched his body out slightly on top of her. She wrapped her arms around him pulling him further on top enjoying the feel of his weight. The kiss depends and she felt a moan rise from her chest. Too soon he started pulling away, placing light kisses upon her lips as he did so and across her cheek, finally lifting up to look her in the eyes.

She stared into eyes, seeing the love that he had for her. It was overwhelming but she basked in its warmth. She ran her finger tips across his face, memorizing his features. She never wanted to forget this.

"Chuck…I" She started, but he shushed her by placing his lips upon hers again.

"Don't say a word." He whispered to her. He adjusted to hold his weight on his left arm as his right slowly made its way down her body. Her heart fluttered faster and her nerves came alive at his touch.

Then she felt a star pain and her breath hitched. She looked up into his eyes again and gone was the love she saw in there seconds ago and in its place was cold emotional eyes and a malicious smile upon his face. She felt the pain dig further into her and she looked down her stomach to where Chucks hand was, seeing blood seep from the wound and a knife protruding from her, Chucks hand wrapped tightly around the hilt.

"Chuck?" She whispered softly, shocked. He smiled down at her and lowered his lips to her once more. She was unable to respond to the kiss as she fought to breath, his weight falling on top of her.

Sarah bolted right up, eyes opened and breath panting. She looked around the room she was in. It was dark still, and she was alone. She felt goose bumps grace her skin as the air around her dried the sweat that poured out of her. Once she felt she was safe she started gasping, trying to hold the sobs that were wracking her body. The dream felt so real. She had to stand up, get some air in her starving lungs.

She looked around the room, and felt her heart constrict. She had been staying in Chucks room, correction, their room for the past couple weeks. After she had arrived in Burbank and met up with Ellie, finally making up their differences Ellie insisted that she stay. She had move Clara back out of the room and into their room so Sarah could be alone. She was uncomfortable at first, but spending time in that apartment and with Chucks family has helped her greatly in her recovering her memories.

Ellie figures that it's her finally her acceptance of her life during the missing five years and her willingness to gain those memories back is what's causing her to remember more and more. She finally stopped fighting them and who she was and is now fighting to get it back. She wished she had a better answer but Ellie, a neurologist, just gave her a sad look and a tight hug saying that the mind is a mysterious thing and there isn't really much on it to explain how anything really works.

Sarah turned on the lamp on what was her side of the bed, flooding the room with light. She wrapped her arms around herself sudden very cold. She looked around the room seeing comics and video game paraphernalia all around. She saw bits of her as well. She wondered why she didn't make more of an effort to put more of herself in the decorations in here. The closet was full of her clothes as were drawers and such but the walls, furniture, everything was Chuck.

The rest of the apartment was defiantly a combination of both of them. It had frightened her a bit when she first entered the apartment. It was still very obviously Chuck but she could see herself all around as well. It made her uncomfortable at first to see that she had started to feel comfortable enough to let herself bleed out and settle down. Not used to it in her current mind.

Sarah startled a bit when she heard a soft knock on the door and looked up to see Ellie walk in. She gave a small smile at seeing her.

"Sorry to disturb you, I saw the light on and wanted to check if everything was alright." She whispered to her as she closed the door, not wanting to wake up her husband and child. Sarah nodded slightly but held in a hiccup as she felt her eyes and body betray her and give in to despair in front of someone. She sat on the edge of the bed and placed her face in her hands not wanting to look at Ellie.

Ellie walked over around the bed and sat down gently next to her, placing her hand on her back and rubbed small circles as Sarah gave in and cried. It went on for what felt like ever before she was finally able to lift her head and look at Ellie again.

"I'm sorry Ellie. About Chuck." She said softly. Ellie just nodded and grabbed her hand in hers.

"No, Sarah. You have nothing to be sorry about." She told her. Sarah looked at Ellie in confusion, remembering how she had yelled and screamed at Sarah when she had come back to help find her brother.

"I don't blame you for what happened Sarah. I get why you left. Why you felt you had to."

"But look what happened. Chuck…"

"No. What happened really wasn't your fault Sarah. You have to know that." Sarah looked doubtfully at Ellie.

"I don't see how since it happened after I left." She said. Ellie just squeezed her hand more and turned on the bed to face her better.

"No. I mean yes, you're leaving was the last straw for Chuck but it's not your fault. Chuck…" She paused trying to think of the best way to phrase it. "I'm sure Chucks told you about our lives. Being abandoned by our parents and such. Things have been so hard for us, especially for Chuck. He is the best person the world could have. He's sweet, he's kind, generous. There's honestly not enough adjectives in the world to describe how great he really is." Sarah smiled in agreement. From what she remembers and from everyone around her, she's heard nothing but good things. Even the bad things were good.

"But you know how it is. Life likes to knock those people down hard. And unfortunately, Chuck just couldn't handle it anymore." Sarah looked away unable to meet her gaze any longer.

"I'm sorry Ellie. I know I'm sorry that I keep saying that. But I feel if I had just stayed…"

"No Sarah. I'll admit I hated you for leaving him. But I honestly don't blame you. You had to find out who you were. You didn't remember him, or us or anything. It wouldn't have been fair to you or to him if you had just stayed. Honestly I think it would have been a lot worse." Ellie confessed. Sarah looked back at her then, eyes narrowed confused once more.

"How could it be worse? You're brother fell apart and had to be locked away. And now he's gone. We can't find him Ellie. I can't find him. He's gone, he's lost." She wanted to start screaming now, but kept it in, feeling angry at herself for showing so much emotion. That thought made her almost laugh. All of this, this whole mess, is surrounded in misguided and misplaced emotions.

"Yeah but you staying here pretending to be who you were before when you clearly weren't. In the long run, I can't even fathom the amount of damage it would have caused. And he's not gone yet Sarah. I believe you will find him." She sounded so sure that Sarah almost believed her. But Ellie didn't know about the Laudanol or the government's role in Chuck's disappearance. She wanted to tell her, but it was agreed upon with Devon not to tell her till necessary.

She feared what Ellie's reaction would be when she did find out. To find out that her brother had turned into a monster that's killed hundreds of people. Who almost killed her and Mary? She was afraid of Chuck, and she hated that she was. The Chuck he was now was nowhere near the Chuck she happened to remember and what others know of him. She didn't know if he would be able to get better if Ellie wasn't there to support him, or any of them. What would happen if they capture him and just abandon him?

Sarah turned towards Ellie and scooted closer, grabbing both her hands in her own and looked straight at her.

"Ellie, I promise, no matter what happens I will stick by Chuck. I will not abandon him." She swore. Ellie quirked her eyebrow up at the strange declaration, though it did please her to hear it.

"What do you mean Sarah? Is there something you're not telling me?" She probed. It took all Sarah's skills as a spy to not just burst and tell Ellie everything but she took a deep breath and just shook her head, not trusting her voice to not betray her and spill everything to her sister-in-law.

"I'm glad to hear it though. I can't express how happy I am that you are here." With that Ellie wrapped her arms around Sarah and gave her the tightest hug possible. It took a moment for Sarah to return it, and she felt herself warm up at the feeling.

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Chuck climbed through the opened window of the bedroom his sister was currently occupying in his home. Looking around he noticed that it almost looked exactly the same as it did when he had lived with her last before moving out with her husband. He was glad that she had settled in, the apartment feeling empty and sad once Sarah had left.

He looked around the room silently, seeing Devon asleep on the bed. The room was dark making it easy for him to hide in the shadows but he noticed that his sisters' side of the bed was empty. He crept over to the bedroom door that was slightly ajar, seeing a light pull out from under what was his room, believing she was in there. He hoped she was just having trouble sleeping and sitting in there to not wake Devon and not having marriage problems.

A sound to the left startled him slightly as he looked at the source of the sound. There in a crib that was getting to small to hold her frame was his little niece Clara. Almost 2 years of age she stood in the crib holding on to the bar with one hand and reaching out for him with the other. Chuck glanced once more at the hall and then Devon before moving over to the crib.

Clara opened her mouth, obviously about to make a noise as she reached up to him but he put his finger across her tiny lips to shush her. She got the idea and was silent as Chuck reached down and picked her up. She wrapped her tiny arms around him in a tight hug, and glanced down at the floor with a bright smile, obviously enjoying the height.

Chuck stiffened for a second as a spasm of pain wracked through his body as a flash took over. He held on tightly afraid to drop her till it passed. Visions of experiments on children, and murders and other terrible things flashed into his vision. Chuck felt sick at the images and it took all his will power not to throw up. Clara saw her Uncle in pain and placed her little hands upon his cheeks gently. He turned his face slightly and placed a kiss on her palm.

The sound of his bedroom door down the hall opening quietly broke him out of the moment he was having with his niece. He quickly placed her back in the crib giving her the shush with his finger over his lips. She seemed to have gotten the message as she lay down quietly and hid under her blanket. Chuck silently slid into the opened closet next to the crib and hid behind some clothes.

Ellie walked into the room quietly to not wake up Devon. She walked over to the crib looking in on her daughter, smiling fondly at seeing her hiding under her blanket. She then proceeded over to the book case by the window, looking for a photo album before exiting as quietly as she came.

Once Chuck heard the door close softly he crept out of the closet, looking around before starting to head towards the window he had come in. Clara made a slight whining noise and he turned around to see her once again standing in her crib, this time holding out a tiny bear.

He remembered that bear. It was small and green. He had gotten it from the gift shop at the hospital on the night she was born and proudly presented it to her the moment they finally met. She had grabbed onto it immediately, rejecting all other stuffed animals since claiming this one as hers forever and nobody could take it away. But here she was offering it to him proudly with a look in her eyes knowing that her Uncle needed the tiny bear more.

Chuck stepped closer to her again, and slowly reached out for it before taking it into his hands. He bent down and gave her a tender kiss on her head as thanks. Clara gave him one last smile and a small waive before laying down quietly on her own and going back to sleep.

Chuck stood for a few more moments watching her drift to dreamland once more before finally turning one last time and exiting the window as quiet as he came. No evidence that he had visited them existed except for the missing bear that the little girl gladly gave up to her Uncle.

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews that you guys have done. Alot of them have been insightful and they really cheer me up in the morning when I get into work. As promised Sunday. Next chapter most likely thursday. Its the Preakness this weekend so of course..crazyness so its a maybe. Hope your day goes well-MissMonk


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Sarah opened her eyes slowly as the sun filtered through the curtains of the Morgan door. She fluttered them shut a few times before finally keeping them open. Taking a deep breath she took stock of herself, feeling surprisingly rested for having a nightmare and staying up for hours with Ellie, looking at old photo albums.

She raised her arms above her head and arched her back in a stretch, feeling her joints pop back into place. She made a loud moan of pleasure as she came back down to resting. A giggle to her right startled her slightly as she turned over quickly to see Clara lying on Chucks' half of the bed looking at her. Sarah smiled back at the little girl she had let into her heart.

"Hey girly what are you doing here?" She asked, not expecting an answer. Clara was learning new words but Sarah didn't hold out hope of having a decent conversation with her for years to come. The little girl just rolled over on the bed and stuck her head under the pillow. Sarah laughed at the girls actions and reached over to tickle her.

Clara started shrieking and giggling, trying to squirm away from Sarah wiggling fingers as Sarah tickled her making noises she would never admit even under torture would deny ever making. Ellie came into the room then, dressed for the day but looking frazzled a bit. She looked in on the two on the bed and couldn't help the smile that crossed her own face. There haven't much to smile about in recent months and this joy was too much to ignore.

"Good morning Sarah." Ellie said as Sarah and Clara settled down. Clara lay with her feet in the air reaching for her mother, hair all over the place. Ellie reached down to pick her up. "Did you sleep ok after I left?"

"Yeah, I did, thank you." Sarah said, smiling up at the pair. She couldn't help but think back on that last time with Chuck on the bullet train. It was one of the first memories to come back as she lay in this bed for the first time since leaving. Just leaning against the window, him drawing a picture of them as a family in front of a house. She had spent several days looking for it, knowing that Chuck would have kept it, but haven't been able to locate it.

"Sorry to have just dumped her here while you slept. We have to go shopping to day and I had things to get ready. She wasn't fully awake so I thought she'd just go back to sleep. I'm sorry she woke up." Ellie apologized.

"No, no she was quiet. She didn't make a sound till I did. She was laughing at my stretching...weren't you?" She wiggled her fingers on Clara's toes at that making her giggle and screeched again. It felt good to laugh and have what felt like a normal morning. The stress of the past months was piling up on her and she felt at the breaking point.

"Well, I'll just go get her ready to go." Ellie said turning from the bed towards the door. She stopped momentarily and looked at Sarah. "You haven't of happened to see her little green bear have you?" She asked.

Sarah thought for a moment trying to remember the bear. It took her a moment but it came back to her. The little green bear that Chuck had picked out at the gift shop. She tried to get him to get the pink one since baby Clara was a girl. But Chuck had been very adamant about the green one. Saying it's not as cliché. The infant instantly loved it and would never let it out of her sight. Even during bath times it sat atop the toilet watching over her.

"No, is it still in her crib?" She asked Ellie shook her head. She pressed Clara's head against her chest and put her hand over her other ear to mute what she was saying.

"I can't find it anywhere. I've looked. That's why I dumped her here. It's nowhere. It's like it just vanished." Sarah was perplexed. She's never heard of vanishing stuffed animals before. Especially one as beloved as that one. The fact that the little girl hadn't seemed to notice it missing was tickling her spy senses in a way she knew she should pay attention to but not quite sure what it would mean.

"What are you going to do?" Sarah inquired. Ellie released Clara's head and looked down at the little girl.

"Well, I've got to go grocery shopping so I'm going to try to go with her now while she's calm. Devon is going to try to pick up another one at work this afternoon. Maybe she won't notice it's new." Ellie turned away from Sarah then to go get the child ready for the day. Sarah sincerely hopped the new bear would work or they are in a world of misery.

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"What are you looking at?" Sarah asked Casey and Morgan as she came down to Castle. She had spent a few minutes looking for the bear before leaving but ultimately knew she was running extremely late already. Casey grunted at her. His normal response.

"This is Mika Barros network on the west coast. With his death in Baltimore his second has taken control and been moving more product. I think he's trying to clean up and out as quickly as possible in order to just take off. He's gotten very sloppy. We found this early this morning." He explained.

Sarah looked at the monitor and watched as people moved boxes and other things. Obviously something was going down.

"Hey Morgan." Sarah said quietly, seeing Morgan sitting next to Casey staring at the screen. Morgan ignored her. Things have been tense between the two since the beginning of this mission. He worked well and cooperated with her when needed, he would do anything to get Chuck back. But on a personal level he all but ignored her. It didn't bother her at first but with recovering her memories, she remembered more and more of him as well. They weren't best friends but they were close. He was her husband's best friend after all.

"Why are we watching them anyways? Shouldn't we contact the FBI or something and let them deal with this?" She inquired after several minutes of silence from Morgan not answering her. "This is outside our jurisdiction and assignment."

"We aren't going to bust them Agent Walker." Morgan told her, still not taking his eyes off the screen. "According to the sequence of events, this would be the most likely place for Chuck to strike next."

"They're moving a lot of guns there guys. Did you alert anyone to this?" She said exasperated. She knew she couldn't save everyone but sitting around watching crime happen was not what she signed up to do.

"We alerted the General who told us to record all surveillance and send it to her. She agreed this was a good chance of capturing Chuck. And if we alerted the other agencies their first priority would be to take out Barillos organization and eliminate him. The higher ups are putting Chuck as their first priority. He's a bigger danger then any of these bozos." Casey stated finally looking at her.

"Ok so all we do is wait?" She asked?

"Yes Agent Walker. That's all we can do right now." Morgan finally looked at her but only for a moment. Sarah's had enough of this and just walked away, grabbing reports from the table she decided to go back through them. Make sure she didn't miss anything.

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Ellie pushed the cart in the store slowly, feeling slightly uneasy. She's felt as if someone's been watching and following her since she's left the house. She wondered now if perhaps she should have mentioned it to Sarah. Sarah had been busy and burdened trying to find her brother, she didn't want to lay more stress on her with her paranoia, but at the same time, she was worried about what kind of people would come after her and her family because of who they were.

She stuck close to the cart, more so then usual. She would normally occasionally walk a few feet away or turn her back but this uneasy feeling she's felt for the past hour would not let up, so she stuck as close to her daughter as possible and had her phone easily able to be grabbed.

She turned around the corner down the cracker isle, looking for those cheddar crackers that Clara had fallen in love with, unfortunately. They were Chuck's favorite and he was…she meant had…always fed them to her whenever he saw her. She would gum on them before the teeth came in and now she just gobbled them up like they were going out of style. If the situation were different she wouldn't indulge her daughters cracker obsession but she wanted to keep as much of Chuck around as possible for her daughter.

As she was searching for the crackers on the shelf next to her, Clara let out a loud screech and looked around her mother. Ellie looked down at her daughter as she clapped then turned around to see who she was clapping at. There were several people behind her, none of who she recognized. Her unease crept higher into the pit of her stomach. She looked down at her daughter again who had moved her finger to her lips in a shush motion, still looking behind her mom.

Ellie turned around again to see who it was but saw nobody. She was beginning to panic. She needed to get out of the store. She grabbed the bars on the cart and began pushing but stopped when Clara screeched and pointed to her beloved crackers. Ellie quickly scooped a couple boxes into the cart and quickly pushed towards the checkout. She quickly unloaded what groceries she had been able to grab and paid for it, all the while looking around for the source of her panic.

"Are you alright miss?" The cashier asked her as he bagged the last of her groceries. He was concerned with the paranoid actions she was displaying. She looked at him and gave her best doctor smile.

"Yes, thank you. Just short on time. Have a good day." Without another glance she existed the store.

She walked quickly to her car, grabbing her keys as she did so and pressing the unlock button. Her thumb laid on the panic button in case of danger. A figure cloaked entirely in black stepped out from her and she jumped back in fear. Her heart was pounding and she grabbed her daughter from the cart, preparing to run.

Her daughter however had other ideas and she squirmed and reached out for the stranger. She held tighter to her and back away slowly, but the stranger lifted his head finally and slowly reached up to remove the hood from his head.

Ellie gasped, eyes go wide, almost dropping her squirming child in her arms.

"Chuck?" she gasped out. "Is that you?" She looked at his haggard and thin appearance. His skin was pale and clammy. Dark circles surrounded his eyes. He had almost a full beard on his face.

Clara was squirming like crazy now reaching for him. She was hesitant to hand her over to her waif looking brother but she knew he would never hurt her. She handed her daughter to her brother as he reached out for her. Clara immediately wrapped her little arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her back. She immediately started crying hysterically, strangling him.

"I guess she missed me." Chuck whispered out. Ellie wiped the tears away from her own eyes, unable to stop more from coming. She stepped closer to Chuck and just enveloped him in a big Ellie bear hug. She never wanted to let him go again. He would have hugged her back if he wasn't supporting the crying little girl in his arms.

After what felt like an eternity but still not long enough, Ellie removed her arms but kept her hand on his back staying close. She turned his face to look at her and she used her fingers to trace his features. He was so different. He was very sick; she didn't need to be a doctor to tell that. She just wanted to wrap him in her arms and never let go.

"Hey, Clara baby. Here." Chuck whispered to his niece, kissing her softly upon her head. He let go with one hand and reached into his pocket and pulled out the green bear Ellie had spent all morning searching frantically for. Clara grabbed it with one hand and squished it in between their bodies, hugging her uncle tightly once more.

"How…I…it…"Ellie wasn't sure what to say exactly. Chuck had the green bear. That's why Clara wasn't upset. She knew who had it, perhaps even gave it to him. "When?" She settled for.

Chuck put his arm around Ellie brining her closer to him; he leaned in close to her ear so only she could hear him.

"We have to go." He said simply and pulled away. She stepped back looking at him shocked.

"Go? Go where? Chuck. You need help. Let me take you to the hospital." Ellie begged quietly, confused on what exactly was going on. Chuck just shook his head and switched Clara to his other side.

"No, no hospitals. You're in danger Ellie. You and Clara. We have to go and we have to go now." His calmness stunned her. By the dire situation he apparently thought they were in she thought he'd be more panicked, the way he normally was.

"Chuck. Please. Let me call Devon ok? And mom. Whatever it is they can help us. Sarah is back she's…"

"No!" Chuck roared at her. She jumped suddenly startled by the force of it. Clara must have startled to being so close, she started crying again. Chuck stepped closer to her, grabbing her arm by her elbow and pulling her hard against him so he can speak lowly again.

"They are part of the problem. They are causing this. They can't be trusted." He hissed. Her brother's sudden change was starting to really scare her. She slowly reached her arm down to her pocket where she knew her phone was, but he caught her hand and pulled it towards him.

"Chuck. You're scaring me." She admitted. She hated to admit it too. Chucks eyes rolled and his lids drooped in a flash. Ellie was concerned about a possible seizer so she grabbed his face and started calling his name.

Chuck came out of the flash, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. He had taken the Laudanol earlier than normal, close to when he started this today so he can have complete control. It rattled him that he lost it so quickly. The Laudanol wasn't working any longer. He didn't have much time.

"Chuck, Chuck what happened? Can you hear me? Chuck?" Ellie was panicking. This whole situation was weird and out of the norm. Her brother looked on deaths door and was ranting that they had to leave. She didn't know what to do.

Chuck grabbed her elbow again and pulled her away from her vehicle and to another one just a bit further down. It was completely black, with very tinted windows. It looked new and it looked fast. He opened the back door and held it open for her.

"Ellie, get in the car." He said simply. Clara had calmed down and was looking between her uncle and mother, wondering what was going on. Ellie hated herself but she just wanted to run. She wanted to grab Clara and run from her brother and get help. He was not himself. But she couldn't risk her daughter. Ellie just shook her head and backed away once, trying to think of a way out of this.

"Chuck, I don't understand. What is…?"

"Get in the fucking car Ellie." He shouted at her. Clara started sniffling again, about to cry again. Ellie just stood there. After a few moments of silence between the siblings Chuck sighed and breathing heavily. His eyes turned soft and looked as if he were in pain. He clutched the side of the door tightly, stepping away from it. Suddenly he looked very tired, enhancing his sickly appearance.

"Ellie, please. Get in the car. I can't let them use you, or hurt you." He pleaded. Ellie still didn't make a move. The change in his demeanor so quickly since first seeing him was quick and unpredictable. But he had her daughter.

"Chuck. I can't. We can't. Please. Let me help you." She begged. Chuck just shook his head warily.

"I do need your help Ellie. Please. Get in the car. I'll take you someplace safe. You can help me. Maybe even save me. Please." He begged. Tears fell from his eyes desperately trying to get his sister to come peacefully. He knew he wouldn't leave her here.

"Chuck. Tell me where we're going. Let me call Devon at least. "She tried compromising. She stepped closer to Chuck, thinking if she has to, she could always punch him and grab Clara. She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to cause him anymore pain. But Clara was a defenseless child and had priority in her mind.

Chuck just shook his head again, looking extremely sad. And sorry. Sorry about what she wasn't sure but she was afraid she'll find out very quickly. Chuck turned from her slightly and put Clara down on the hood of the car. Ellie walked up slowly behind him, trying to startle him to grab her daughter. But before she could do anything Chuck whipped out a gun and turned towards her, pointing it right at her heart.

She noticed the sadness in his eyes. He was shaking violently now from head to toe except for his hand holding the gun which was scarily steady. His eyes rolled back again in a flash and he raised his other hand to his head and groaned out in pain. His flash showed him how to shoot for the heart and break her neck. How to incapacitate her without even moving from the spot.

He resisted the flash. He didn't want to hurt her. She was his sister. She was in danger because of him, being used to capture him.

"Chuck!" Ellie screamed as he collapsed on the ground bending over placing his forehead on the pavement. He groaned loudly in pain and it took all his will power not to just bang his head into the hard tar. Ellie instantly fell on her knees next to him, gently grabbing his head into her lap, and running her fingers through his hair. He still shook violently and he whimpered in pain. Ellie was scared and didn't know what to do.

After a few minutes of it not stopping she gently moved his head a little to grab the phone in her pocket. She was just about to press send to call Devon when the phone was grabbed from her hand and thrown across the pavement. She cringed as she heard it smash into pieces. Chuck struggled to sit up and looked directly into Ellies eyes.

"I'm so sorry for this Ellie." He whispered to her before raising the gun again and pulling the trigger.

A/N: Meh. I was so excited i was gonna do a longer chapter but no...felt this was a good place. I'll try to get the next chap up in a day or two. I HATE cliffhangers. So i'm beating myself up so i gotta write it so i'm not so bugged. Thank you for the reviews guys. they cheer me up.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"And down again." Carina shouted in victory and she knocked Sarah on her back again. Sarah just took a deep breath and rolled over, getting back up again. She was sparring with Carina who was still smarting from being hit with the tranq gun, failing to capture Chuck. Usually a good hard work out after something like that really helped ease the mind Sarah knew and was glad to lend assistance in helping her friend work out her frustrations. However, Sarah was the one spending most of the time being pounded.

"Are you done yet?" Sarah asked, she was hurting and had things she wanted to do. Like take a nice long hot shower. Carina just grinned at her and through the boa into a corner.

"Sure why not. I think I'm ready for the next confrontation with Chuckie." She stated. Sarah didn't like the grin Carina had but didn't comment on it. She wouldn't allow Carina to extract revenge for her own stupidity. She underestimated Chuck and got hit with a friendly tranq. That was her fault.

Sarah ignored her and walked past to the shower. The water felt good on her aching muscles. Getting the sweat off after a workout was one of her favorite times of day. It was like washing away sins and starting anew.

She had been down in Castle for the greater part of the day, breaking Casey and Morgan when they needed it to watch the surveillance. So far there were dozens of counts of felonies being made. She wondered how long they would have to sit here and watch all this before Chuck finally showed up.

She walked back to the conference room, noting that Casey was not in his usual spot, only Morgan sat there, sitting back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, eyes not leaving the screen. She noted the can of grape soda with a cup with ice next to that was almost empty. She was seriously considering just walking away, but with Carina occupied and Casey and Mary nowhere to be found, she thought it might be a good time to get a private convocation in with Morgan.

Sarah walked to the kitchen area first and got a new grape soda from the fridge with a glass and ice. She made a couple sandwiches and placed a handful of chips each on the plates and walked back to the conference room. Chuck had always told her the way to Morgan is through his stomach, so she figured she'd give it a try.

Morgan looked over at her, making the first eye contact in days as she put plate and pop in front of him. She could tell he wanted to say something snippy or ignore it and her but he had manners, despite his outward appearance and he said a sincere thank you to her. Sarah just smiled at him and sat in Casey's chair.

They ate in silence for a few moments, watching the surveillance. Eventually Sarah couldn't take it anymore. She had some memories back of some great times they had together, mostly with Chuck there yes but they always seemed to have gotten along. And she was determined to get everything back she had lost. She was looking for Chuck and was determined to not leave him. And Morgan came with Chuck. Chuck had made that very clear in the early days. Morgan was more than his best friend, he was family.

"Morgan, can we please just, talk?" Sarah asked, putting her sandwich down. She turned to look at him but he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Is it about the mission?" He asked her. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"No, it's of a personal nature." She gave. Morgan just kept eating his sandwich.

"I don't think that's a good idea then Sarah. We'll only talk about the mission." He said stubbornly.

"Morgan, we need to talk. We need to solve this…whatever this is that's come between us." She said almost pleadingly. "We used to be friends." Morgan tossed his sandwich down on his plate. The sandwich fell apart and broke the chips under it.

"Key word here is "used" as in, we used to be friends. You used my friend." He spat angrily at her. She stared at the table for a moment not expecting that strong a reaction from Morgan. It was silent again between them.

"Morgan, I…" She didn't even know what to say. She wanted to apologize but she wasn't exactly sure what she was apologizing for exactly. She didn't know the magic words to make things right. She wished she had the Sarah Bartowski's improved communication skills. She was still stuck with Sarah Walkers which was to hide and deny everything.

"Forget it. There's nothing you can do." He said sadly. Her heart hurt from the tone. She wanted so bad to fix this.

"There's nothing I can do to change the past Morgan. But I do want to build a future." She said. He just shook his head in dismay.

"No. no see that's not how you work. That's how Sarah Bartowski would work. You my dear are not Sarah Bartowski, you are Agent Sarah Walker." Sarah's head was starting to hurt and her chest tightened. She had spent the past 8 months doing the same thing. Separating herself as two people. Sometimes even three. Sarah before chuck, after chuck, and now. It hurt to hear someone else do the same.

"I agree with you." She said softly. He looked over at her finally and bit his lower lip in consideration.

"Do you love him?" He asked quietly. She almost didn't hear him. She thought to herself for a moment, something she's been thinking of continually non-stop. It was no secret that Chuck loved her. He had fallen so hard for her that even separation, drugs, murder, and a super-hot Carina couldn't stop it. But did she love him?

Her memories of him were ones of joy. Sometimes it scared her to remember the things they've done together. What he's done for her. She's never had anyone like that before. And she was jealous, very jealous of this Sarah Bartowski she was supposed to be. That she finally got that, and was free of the constraints of her past and her job to love freely and accept it freely from another. She knew she could love him. Very easily. But there was so much going on now. So much in the past. She had a lot to work out, and so did he.

"Not yet. But I'm getting there. I could love him." She said after a few moments of silence. He just nodded in acceptance.

"I don't know if I want you too though." Morgan confessed. She looked at him confused at that comment. "Chuck isn't really Chuck right now. And probably never will be again. Your memories of him and what he is now will be nowhere the same."

"I know…"

"Do you? Are you really sure you know? Because when we get him back. And I do believe we will. If you're here, and you give him hope and then leave again, he won't come back." He declared. Sarah looked back at the table. She knew he was right. Chuck Bartowski was a kind soul. A gentle soul. He loved with every ounce of his being. And he felt the same way too. Every part of him is part of every emotion and he feels so deeply.

"I can't just walk away Morgan. I need…" What did she need? She needed Chuck, she knew it deep inside.

"You can't now but you will. When it gets hard you will. His recovery is going to be very difficult. Are you able to stand that? Through the hard times? Through the yelling. The Anger. Whatever else. The hate he'll spit at you?" Morgan challenged. She thought for another moment before looking him straight in the eyes, sat up straighter, and face determined.

"Yes. I will." She said simply, firmly. Morgan just nodded, folding his arms tighter around himself.

"Good. I'm glad." He said. They sat in compatible silence again, watching the screen. Before Morgan pulled his arms away from himself and turned to stare at her. "But just know Sarah Walker, I know you can kill me in over 200 ways and get away with it. But you hurt him again by leaving; I will sacrifice myself to find a way to kill you." He was dead serious and Sarah knew it. She wanted to rebuke the statement with a threat of comment of her own, but she knew if she walked away from Chuck again, she would let Morgan do it. She would deserve it and she would help him.

The moment was interrupted by a flurry of feet coming down the stairs. Sarah looked up to see Casey and Mary flying down the stairs followed by an alarmed looking Devon.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked anxiously. Mary just walked up to the console in the main room and began pressing keys. A map of the Burbank area as well as other areas were brought up replacing the surveillance videos.

"Her car is still in the grocery store down the street from"

"I know that Mom that's why I called you." Devon stated annoyed. Sarah walked up next to them.

"What's going on?" She repeated Morgan's question.

"Awesome here hasn't been able to get ahold of Ellie all day. She was just going to go to the store to pick up groceries this morning and come back. He tried calling her on her cell but it went right to VM and she never came home. He drove to the store and found the van still in the spot and a smashed phone not too far away." Casey held up the smashed phone.

"I called Mom as soon as I found that. I didn't know what else to do." Devon said kinda defeated.

"I'll call Diane and see if she can find out if they are still using Ellie as bait despite what she's ordered." Mary took her phone from her pocket and began dialing General Beckman's number from memory.

Sarah stood there for moment thinking. There was something in her memory that was tickling to come out. She didn't want to force it knowing it would just go away but it was important.

"You ok Walker? You look like you're gonna be sick." Casey pointed out finally noticing Sarah's expression. She then remembered.

"Move over." She said pushing everyone aside and pressing the keys on the keyboard. "Devon, was the car seat still the car?" She asked. Devon thought for a moment.

"Yeah, it was."

"Damn." One less option. She continued punching in codes until a list appeared with a sequence of numbers. Mary hung up on Diane at seeing it.

"What is this?" She asked. "They look like GPS codes"

"That's because they are. After what happened with Alexei Volkoff Chuck got really scared and paranoid of people coming after Ellie and Clara. He only told me cause I caught him installing one in the car seat. He's placed GPS chips all over the place."

"What do you mean all over the place?" Devon said getting worked up. He was never happy with Chuck being a spy. He didn't like how it put his family in danger. Sarah pointed to the list starting from the top.

"Like this is the van, your car, the car seat. Various other ones." Sarah explained. Casey pointed to the 4 that was red and blinking.

"What are those?" He inquired. Sarah took a deep breath before answering. Not sure how the others will react to the information.

"Those four are what's with Ellie and Clara. This is Ellie's keys and Clara's bear. And those two…" She paused looking at Mary before looking at Devon. She knew about those two, helping to acquire and implant them. "Those two are Ellie and Clara." She said.

"Ellie and Clara?" Morgan shouted. "You put GPS chips on them?" Sarah looked at Devon, who looked royally pissed off.

"Not on them, in them. " She said. Casey looked between Sarah and Devon, ready to step in if needed. He was impressed by the balls on Bartowski to implant his sister and daughter with GPS chips.

"How dare you do that to them. Do you spies have nothing off limits? You believe3 you can do whatever you damn well feel like doing?" Devon exploded. He stepped closer to walk and Casey put his hand on his chest to push him back.

"I'm with Awesome on this one. How could you do that? How did you do that? I'm sure Ellie would know if she had something put in her. She is a doctor." Morgan said.

"That's because Ellie knows. She authorized it." Mary stepped in. Things were getting out of hand. They needed to focus on what was going on now, not the past.

"No. Never. She would not do that without discussing it with me first." Devon denied.

"Look Devon. She knows how you feel about the spy world. And she does agree. But Chuck was freaking out, and he talked to her. It was a harmless little operation to place it right below the tissue in the neck. Ellie agreed to it because of the family's history with the spy world and the government. She wanted to be sure Clara was safe so she allowed Chuck to put the GPS chip in Clara. And to let Chuck have some peace of mind she allowed it in her too. She has a device that allows her to track Clara's, so it doubled as a security thing anyways for her. Now I know you're upset over it but that's between you and Ellie. Right now we need to be focused on finding her." Sarah explained. Everyone was silent again for a few minutes.

"So what's the red mean?" Casey brought up once more. Sarah took a deep breath.

"It means they're offline." She answered.

"Offline? As in...They're dead?" Devon asked shocked? Sarah quickly jumped in again.

"No, Devon. That's NOT what it means. Even if they were and they're not they would keep transmitting. It means that someone disabled them. Someone has a block on them. And the only other person who knew about the chips other than Mary…"

"Chuck." Casey finished. Sarah nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Chuck has them." The silence that filled the room after that revelation.

"Chuck has my wife and daughter?" Devon stated the obvious.

"Yeah. And he's either disabled or is blocking the signal of the GPS'." Casey growled and turned towards the armory.

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Her head was pounding and her mouth felt like cotton. She tried opening her eyes but found that to be a difficult task at the moment so instead she used her other senses to take stalk of herself and her surroundings. She felt metal around her right hand that was dangling so she surmised she must be handcuffed. The vibrations around her and the roar of the road below her as tired went very fast over the pavement meant that she was in a car.

Chuck!

She sat up quickly, immediately regretting the action but looked quickly around her for her daughter. She was strapped in to a car seat next to her fast asleep. Her tiny fingers curled tightly around the green bear that had been missing that morning and a small back of crackers that hung precariously from her fingers.

It was dark in the car, but she had no problems seeing up front. The dark tall figure of her brother in the driver's seat was unmistakable. She used her left hand to feel around her right side, grimacing at the sore spot on her chest where the tranq dart had hit her at point blank range.

"I'm glad you're awake. I was starting to worry." Chuck's soft voice floated to her in the back. She looked up to see him looking through the review mirror at her. She said nothing. Not quite sure what to say.

"I'm sure you're thirsty. Being tranqed always made me feel like the desert." He reached next to him and handed her a fresh bottle of water. She took it gingerly inspecting it for any tampering. When none was found she opened the bottle and guzzled down as much as she could before she ran out of breath.

"Slow down El, you don't want to make yourself sick." He warned. She finished the bottle, putting the lid back on. He reached his hand back to take it from her. For a moment she thought about just yanking his arm and try to break it, but with him driving, she didn't want to risk Clara, who was sleeping peacefully, so she handed him the bottle.

They sat in silence as they crossed the miles of the darkened highway. Ellie hated that she felt afraid at this moment. She's never been afraid of Chuck, and she thought logically there's not much to really be afraid of. He was a waif of his old self. And yes he tranqed and kidnapped her and Clara, but he had been gentle and careful. She looked over at Clara again. He couldn't have traumatized her that much as she seemed to be sleeping like a rock.

"She's been asleep a couple of hours. We stopped at a rest stop and cleaned and fed her." Chuck informed her. She was glad she picked up diapers now. She thought of the frozen foods she had bought and grimaced that they were going to waste. "Sorry about some of your groceries. The ice cream wouldn't have made the trip very well." He said as if he could read her mind.

"Where are you taking us?" She finally said her voice harsh from the tranq still. She moved her wrist to test the cuffs for resistance. They were loose enough that they wouldn't hurt but tight enough to not let go.

"You're right Ellie. I do need help. "He admitted. She stopped struggling with the door to look at him, or at least the back of his head. He didn't say anymore. She hated this. She never liked when he kept secrets. Never liked that the government interfered with her brother's life. He didn't offer any more information and it was killing her. She had to know what was wrong.

"Chuck, please talk to me. What is going on? Where have you been?" She pleaded with him quietly, glancing over at Clara again. She was still sleeping. Good.

Chuck didn't say anything else. A few minutes later he reached over to the passenger's seat and handed her a thick file and a flash light. She wanted to laugh. Even nutcase Chuck was concerned of waking his peacefully sleeping niece.

She grabbed them both and place the file on her lap and opened it. Inside were files and reports. The first one a complete report on her brother starting back from his birthday when he first got the intersect. She read through the file, the reports on him, his handlers, the missions they've gone on. She was horrified at the termination orders put through. She couldn't read any more of it and slammed the file closed moving to the next one.

It was a file on Laudanol. She skimmed through it quickly, being a doctor really helped in this case. She was frightened at the results of this drug. She couldn't imagine people taking this. She can't imagine the government producing it. Effectively it would cut off all emotions and feelings of any kind. Making them stronger and more capable of doing whatever horrific things the person was asked.

About an hour later she had enough of it and she closed that one too. She stared out the window for a moment to gather her thoughts before turning to Chuck again. He hadn't said a word the whole time, just continuing to drive.

"What does it mean Chuck." She said softly, trying to hold the tears back. "What is going on?" Again he was silent. She knew he heard her. She was getting frustrated with his silence. "Talk to me damn it." So cried out.

They continued driving a few more miles, eventually pulling into a rest stop. He parked his car in a quiet dark corner away from any other traffic and turned off the engine. They sat there in the silence for what felt like hours. She wanted to reach to him but kept her hand to herself, instead reaching to stroke Clara's hair as she slept.

"I'm sorry for all of this Ellie." He started quietly. "I never wanted you to get in the middle of it, or a part of it. It's why I stayed away." He still hadn't turned around to look at her.

"But when I found out they had agents staked out at your house. It scared me." He laughed a bit at that. "Which it shouldn't have. With the Laudanol and all." Ellie was horrified.

"You're taking this drug? Chuck why?" She wanted to shake her brother for his stupidity. Finally he turned toward her and she saw his face for the first time since waking. They were red and wet and tears were falling down his cheeks in streams.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't start it. Ellie you have to believe me." He gasped in a sob. She reached over and ran her hand through his hair. It was stringy and felt gross but she didn't stop. He pressed his head further into her palm, starved for human affection.

"What happened Chuck? It's time to come clean." She said to him. He nodded and handed her the key to the handcuff. She's earned his trust enough. She thought for a second of running but she couldn't leave him. She was obviously the last person he had and she would never ever betray him.

She unlocked the cuff and opened the door quietly and switched the passenger seat. As soon as she got him and closed the door she had Chuck in her arms. He finally broke down. All the pain and pent up emotions. The Laudanol didn't work to suppress them anymore. He felt them all and felt them strongly than ever before, sometimes to the point where he just had to scream and hope that he rips apart and ends.

She held him tightly afraid to let go. She was scared again but for a whole different reason. Everything since Sarah's memory problem had been building up. She thought that by putting him in that hospital it was the worst lowest point of her brother's pain. But apparently she was dead wrong. She soothed him as she had many times through their lives, holding him tightly, hugging him, stroking his head and back. Making the same noises she now uses to calm Clara when she was upset.

Eventually the tears stopped and he just whimpered. She noticed he shivered violently and wondered if he were cold. His appearance was frightening. He'd always been lanky and gangly. Treading a thin line between healthy and actually appearing like a skeleton. He always laughed that it was the worst part of being so tall.

"Chuck, please. You have to tell me. What's going on? I can't help you if I don't know. We've had so many secrets so many lies Chuck. We need to stop this. We only have each other." She cried into his hair.

They just sat there watching the sky get lighter. Chuck curled his long thin body the best he could around his sister who held him tightly afraid to let go. He rested his head on her shoulder and told her his long tale of his journey the past 8 months. Horrified as she was she used all her training as a doctor she could muster to not make a sound or reaction. She wanted him to tell her and she didn't want him to stop till it was done.

She was angry at the situation. Horrified that the they would do this to him. She didn't know what she could do to help him but she would do her best.

She held his hand tightly at one point, rubbing to top of his gently with her thumb. As the sun rose in the horizon she saw his sleeve fall slightly and saw the angry scratch that stood there. She gently rolled his sleeve down to see the marks of his own destruction. She never wanted to hit anything more. She wanted to scream and yell. Chuck just laid against her, let her examine him. Too tired and worn out emotionally and physically to do anything else. He figured if he were to die at this moment he could at least go in peace.

She could tell that his shivering was become more pronounced and his skin was becoming clammy, breathing labored. She began to panic not sure what was happening exactly yet.

"It's just withdrawal. I'm ok" He whispered into her shoulder. He sat up slowly, hand tightly on his side grimacing in pain. He leaned down by her feet and grabbed a bag there. He pulled out the bottle with the Laudanol and handed it to her. She opened it and dumped one out into her palm.

She wanted to throw it out the window with the rest of the bottle. But she looked at her brother. He was more sickly then he was at the store. The look on his face expressed complete and utter despair. He's practically given up by this time. She knew if she got rid of the pills and let him withdrawal he would go with it. He would do anything for her. But she couldn't. This wasn't the way. She had to save her brother, and cold turkey was not the way with what she knows about this drug.

She held out her hand with the pill in it to him. He looked at it for a few moments before taking it from her.  
"We will save you Chuck. Take the pill. You'll need strength till we get to where we're going." She said to him. He nodded his acceptance and swallowed it. A few minutes later he felt the effects and his heart rate slowed down. Ellie was amazed by the quick results of the pill taking effect.

She realized then that he was a prisoner trapped in hell under its control, and she was determined to fight for him and break its hold on her little brother.

A/N: See see! I can do like..the other stuff other then angst. I have a few more chapters and hopefully a nice fight scene of drama...not angst..drama and we're starting the healing and whatever fluffyness happens with the healing process. Next chapter probably next thursday (its preakness this weekend). but perhaps sooner depending on how busy it is. Thank you all for the reviews again.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Ellie looked around the room they had just stepped in. It was a large open lab, walls as white as snow, the fluorescent lights filling every nook and cranny and surprisingly every surface was clean. Chuck had brought her and Clara here after a few more hours of driving in which she spend it reading and learning about the Laudanol and developing some kind of plan on how to help him.

She walked around the lap, thinking for the millionth time that Devon was here with her. She had a daunting task ahead of her and she was alone, and she had Clara with her. But after Chuck had told her that Devon already knew everything, and that it had been his decision to leave her out, she had agreed with him that perhaps it would be best to exclude him for the time being.

With all the people out to get her brother at the moment, including his friends and family, the less who knew about his whereabouts would be best.

She looked over towards the door where Chuck still stood with Clara watching her as she ran around in circles and jumping all around. Considering that she had been cooped up in a car for almost 24 hours she was surprised by how well behaved she had been so far, and she wondered how long it would last.

"What is this place?" Ellie finally asked, leaning up against one of the tables. Chuck approached her, holding Clara's hands high and letting her frog hop along in front of him. Once they approached her he let go of her hands an pointed to a corner in the back telling her to go place. Ellie was alarmed for a second before she noticed toys stacked there.

"How long have you been planning this Chuck?" She asked him. He leaned against the table next to her.

"A few days. Since they set a trap and tried to capture me. "He looked over at her. "Morgan called Mom and I picked up the phone. He said there were people at your house watching you. They were setting a trap for me and using you as bait."

"Where was mom?" Chuck grimaced then.

"I kinda knocked her out." He stated, not ashamed at all. Ellie wished to say she was surprised, but at this point in her brother's life over the past few years, nothing seems to be too surprising. Plus she figured it was good payback anyways. She was mortified when she heard that her mother and set him up and shot him in the chest and then later suppress the intersect, tie him up, and then blow away their childhood home.

"Ok then. So you planned to kidnap us. I'm glad you thought ahead. No matter what happens you'll always be Chuck in some way or another." She bumped into him smiling. She wasn't pleased with how this whole thing came about but she was at least glad it's working out and that despite everything she's still one of the few people he trusts explicitly.

They stood there silently for a few moments, just listening to Clara playing quietly in the little corner. Ellie glanced around the room again, noting the monitors, computers, various medical equipment. It was strange to think that they were underground. Again she wondered what this place was. She turned to ask Chuck once again where they were but became concerned again seeing chucks skin moist with sweat again in this air conditioned room.

"Chuck, it's only been about five hours." She put her hand on his cheek but he pulled away from her and walked around the desk, going to the computer over there and hit a few keys. With his back to her she couldn't see the screen he was working on, but after a few moments the bigger screens on the wall near them came to life.

On the screen were various charts and stats and other medical and scientifically jargon and designs. She stepped closer to them to see them better. Her eyes widened at recognizing her father's work. These were designs and statistics for the Intersect project. She turned to look at chuck again, his eyes closed as he took deep breaths, obviously in pain.

"This is dads work. This is the intersect." She said, choosing at the moment to not bring up his obvious discomfort. Chuck nodded.

"This is the Omaha Project. This is what Bryce got me kicked out of school to keep me out of their reach." He said. She knew about that. All of it now. Once she learned of Bryce's true intentions on framing Chuck, she couldn't help but feel grateful, and feel guilt for all the years she spent hating him. He had saved her brother, and from what she can see now, what would have been a horrible painful fate.

The statistic of the results on the testing here boggled her mind. They had tested over 80 people, all who appear to have gone crazy or died as a result, unable to handle the Intersect. She was suddenly thankful for whatever caused Chuck to be able to handle the program so well.

"This is where they did the testing on it. They would bring people here, in the guise of training and testing. But what they did was strap them to chairs and turn the Intersect on." She noted his eyes closed tightly and his breathing in becoming more shallow.

"Chuck take the pill." She said quietly. He ignored her, body shaking violently as his eyes opened slightly and a flash took over. His face cringed in pain a moment later as he leaned heavily only the desk. Ellie ran to him and put her arms around him to help steady him but he again walked away from her.

"It's in the Intersect. I don't know why I couldn't find it before." Again another flash took over him, this one lasting longer. He leaned against the table next to him for a moment before finally falling to his knees; his hands flew up covering the sides of his head and ear, his fingers tangled tightly in his hair. Ellie wanted to rush to him and comfort him, but knew he would just move away again.

"I can see them. I see the video, the pictures. I hear them screen in pain and beg to be released but they wouldn't. They would continue on until it ran and then discard them. "Chuck started sobbing uncontrollably; his body shook violently as flash after flash started to take over.

Clara ran over to see what the commotion was but Ellie stopped her before she reached Chuck. She didn't want to risk the chance that he may hurt her in his unpredictable state. The little girl started crying in fear as Ellie led her away again directing her to the toys again. Before returning to Chuck she grabbed the bottle from the bag that he had brought with them and approached him.

His eyes were far away in between rolling back and flashing. She held out a pill for him, but he just shook his head.

"Chuck, take it. This is not the way to get better. I promise." She whispered to him. After a few moments of considering, chuck quickly grabbed the offered pill from her hand after the last flash and swallowed it quickly. The seizers and flashing continued for a few more minutes as they waited for the drug to take affect over him. He began to breath more evenly, and his eyes drifted as in a daze until they finally closed.

"I can't do this anymore Ellie. I want it to end." He whispered out. Ellie sat across from where he lay against the cabinet. Ellie didn't know what to say.

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Morgan sat impatiently in his office up at the Buy More. He shuffled through papers, order, reports, reviews and other various things that were required for his signature and or approval to run the Buy More. The General had requested a conference with Sarah, Casey, and Mary alone about an hour ago so Morgan had shuffled himself up from Castle.

He felt it was pointless work but he always did it anyways. He wanted to keep the place up and running for his friend, wherever he was. One less thing for him to worry about for when he came back.

Morgan put down the paper he was reading and sat back staring at the ceiling. This whole situation was just one big mess. Everything in his best friend's life seems to somehow turn into one big mess. He didn't quite understand it.

Ever since they met in second grade, when Chuck stopped that girl from beating the crap out of him they'd been kindred spirits. He considered and frequently stated that he was Chuck's hetro-life partner, and he didn't care how uncomfortable that made some people feel to hear because he was secure in himself and his love for his best friend.

But for some reason the world just didn't seem to agree with Morgan and his feelings of Chuck Bartowski. Karma and the world or whatever it is that does this crap have been out to get him. Chuck was hands down, and you could ask just about anyone, the most caring nicest person in the world. He would literally give his right arm if he could to help you, and he wouldn't ask for anything in return.

So why, he asks himself constantly but Chuck be kicked down over and over again. It made no sense.

He remembered the first major time, not the small times of unfairness that happened to every kid through school, and bullies just to name a few, when his mother left. He could still see Chuck's face when he found out that his mother had left.

Chuck hadn't been at school that day, which was unfortunate for Morgan since the bullies felt it was a good opportunity with Chuck not there. He had come home exhausted from fending off the larger students and girls to find his mother sitting in the kitchen next to the phone looking forlorn. He dropped his bag at the door and walked over asking her what was wrong.

That's when she told him that she got a call from Mr. Bartowski. He had called to inform her he would not be able to take the boys to the comic store that day. It had been planned for weeks. A few comics that the boys followed had new issues coming out. Chuck's dad and Morgan's mom alternated every month on who would take them.

He had sat down next to her at the dining room table and asked her what it was. She told him that Chucks mom and left the night before and that she wasn't coming back. He was stunned. Mrs. B. was the coolest mom in the world. He couldn't believe that she would just up and leave Chuck and Ellie.

Discovering the truth and hour later hit him harder then he thought it would. His mother had sent him over with a cherry cheese cake and told him to take his new Zelda game over for the night. He didn't know what to say the whole time. They just sat there on his bed drinking grape soda and eating the cheese cake. Nothing was said. He didn't know what to say. What do you say to your best friend whose mom just up and left him.

They repeated the same thing four years later when his dad had took off. They repeated the same thing only with a different game. Again even being older and wiser at 13 he still didn't know what to say to his friend. The only thing he could think of was to tell him that he would never leave him, no matter what. That he could always count on him being his friend.

It was worth feeling like an idiot to see Chucks smile and to hear that "same here buddy." He had responded with.

He was there through the whole Stanford debacle. Getting kicked out of there devastated his friend more so then he believed even his parents leaving did. He had worked his ass off all through school to get perfect grades, and extra credit. Doing extracurricular actives and other stuff to get a full ride to Stanford. He was sad to see his friend go but he couldn't begrudge him living his dream.

To make things worse the first girl Chuck ever fell in love with, and fell hard for, had cheated on him with his best friend and roommate. The same guy who had framed Chuck for stealing tests and getting him kicked out. He did find out years later once he was privy to Chuck's spy life that she didn't actually cheat on him, but in Morgan's mind she might as well have for all the things she's done to him. And secretly he wished she had stayed away and let Chuck continue to believe she had rather than the betrayal he found out actually happened later.

He was there through it all. And he will continue to be even through this.

He had to be honest thought he was worried about what the next step would be. With Chuck kidnapping Ellie and Clara, he was afraid of the worst especially right now while he waited for the secret spy meeting going on downstairs to conclude and for them to tell him what General Beckman's new orders would be.

He wouldn't hold his breath for the best.

"Grimes!" Casey grunted opening the door without knocking. Morgan jumped from his seat broken from his internal thoughts. Papers scattered across the room as Morgan set his head in his hands on the desk trying to look casual.

"Yes, Casey, how can I help you?" He inquired. Casey just quirked an eyebrow knowing exactly what had happened. He closed the door and approached the desk, looking out the window to check on lurking Buymorons. "It's not good news is it?"

"The General ordered that all documents and information pertaining to this case be forwarded on to a Taskforce Strike Team within the hour." He responded simply. Morgan just nodded not quite understanding. Casey wanted to roll his eyes and growl like normal but even he realized how sensitive this situation was.

"Grimes, they're sending an elite team now to hunt him down and terminate him." He clarified. Again Morgan said nothing. The silence between them stretched out, bothering even Casey who used it as an art.

"Grimes, Th"

"What's the next step?" Morgan interrupted finally speaking up. Casey stared at him for a long moment.

"The next step is to hand over all the information." He said.

"Oh, so you're just giving up? Going to let them kill him? The end?" Morgan accused. Casey's features softened a bit, or as much as his could. He was thought but he wasn't heartless.

"There's not much else we can do Grimes. These people are ruthless. They will strike first ask later."

"So I repeat, you're giving up. "

"It's not like that Grimes. We're still looking. He has ..."

"What about Sarah and Mrs. B?" Casey growled at him then taking a menacing step towards the desk. He leaned down on it getting right in Morgan's face.

"Look Grimes, this is hard on all of us but at this point we all we have is to look from afar and stay out of the way. The people she's sending are the deadliest people. "His voice lowered and he got creepily closer. "These are the people who give the seals and black ops nightmares."

Morgan sat back and scooted his chair away. He didn't know what to say. He didn't quite know what to feel. He felt so many emotions ranging from depression, anger, happiness, and sadness. It overwhelmed his short little body but he was somehow able to control it. He just nodded his head in acceptance and waited for Casey to stomp out.

He sat there in the silence of his office for a good half hour not moving. He felt his body shake with rage and betrayal for his friend. They were giving up on him. Morgan slammed his hand hard on the desk and swiped it across knocking everything on the floor. He stood up and started thrashing everything and anything he could get his hands on. He'd never felt so angry in his life.

He picked up a round paper weight shaped like the dome of R2-D2 ready to throw it at the window onto the sales floor but stopped suddenly at seeing the mass amount of viewers in the form of the Buy More employees staring back at him. He slowly lowered the weight back to his desk, annoyed at being interrupted but realizing it's probably not the best thing to let your employees see you lose it.

He stepped towards the window and then watched them scatter in fear. He smirked at the faint pleasure he got that he could at least inflict fear in some people at least, always having to be the one in fear in the spy game.

He groaned inwardly as he looked out and saw Jeff and Lester corralling the others around them at the Nerd Heard desk. He pinched the bridge of his nose knowing he'll have to go out there and stop whatever betting pool they were doing now. He wished he could fire them. He really wished he could. Even Sarah had said in the past especially after they took control of the Buy More that they should start weeding out some of the employees. But Chuck, with his big heart, and annoyingly loyal streak had said they had charm and to let them stay. They were mostly harmless despite how creepy stalkerish they were.

Morgan's head shot up at that. Creepy Stalkerish. He had an idea.

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Sarah stared at the surveillance screen of the Buy More watching as Morgan walked determinedly towards the Nerd Herd desk. She had watched Casey inform Morgan of the General's orders.

She didn't' agree with the orders but had no choice but to follow them. She thought back to her conversation with Morgan in regards to Chuck. She didn't like being put on the spot like that but she knew he was right. She wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to give up, but orders were orders and she wasn't used to going against them. But this felt wrong. She felt like there was more she had to do.

"What are those idiots doing now?" Casey grunted behind her coming down the stairs. She looked at him for a second before turning back to the screen.

"Looks like they're taking bets on something. Morgan's on it though." She said sullenly. Casey stepped up behind her staring at the screen. He gave his grunt of approval.

"He's a good manager. Don't ever tell him I said that." He said. They stood in silence for a moment watching as Morgan dragged Jeff and Lester over to a quiet corner of the store. Sarah was tempted to turn on audio and hear him lecture the biggest slackers she's ever seen.

"He took it surprisingly well." Casey stated, she smirked knowing otherwise.

"No Casey he didn't. " She said softly. Finally she turned to him. "What are we going to do? We have to do something."

"I don't know. But we need a plan. A good one. We don't have time to fuck around anymore. We have to get to him before the strike team does." Sarah nodded her agreement.

"Let's get going then."

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A/N: Ok not the best chapter but I needed to set things up. Sorry. Hope you like. Haven't gotten too many reviews so not sure how i'm doing but i'm gonna keep posting. Hope your day goes well-MissMonk


	12. Chapter 12

A/N sorry I have no clue the geography of CA so just go with the flow ya?

Chapter 12

"Damn it what is the code." Morgan Grimes swore at the number pad in front of the security door. He wanted to get in there to get some gear for his trip. Casey had left it there when he left the apartment to go gallivanting around with Verbanski, but he made sure it was locked and right now Morgan wanted in. He had packed everything else he needed for this impromptu trip to find chuck and he only had this and one other item to grab.

He punched in another sequence of numbers and waited for the green light. When it didn't come but flashed red and made another obnoxious beeping sound.

"Fuck you!" He shouted punching the keypad. It just made another beep sound.

"Morgan!" He quickly turned around to see his beautiful girlfriend standing behind him, arms crossed and looking exactly like her father right now.

"Hey, sweetie. Uh…what are you doing here?" He asked her curiously, trying to act as innocent as possible. She just glared at him.

"I could ask you the same thing." She replied simply. Morgan stood there staring at her for a moment trying to come up with some logical reason for why he would need to get into her father's private armory that she would believe but none came to him.

"Morgan? I'm waiting." She said patiently. He couldn't help but feel the swell of his heart as he stared. Even when she's interrogating him he couldn't help but feel the love and patience she seemed to have in a never ending abundance. Morgan stood up straighter, clearing his throat.

"I have something to do Alex, and I can't tell you what or where but it's important that I get in here. So please if you have the code, let me in." He stated simply. He had learned from Chuck that sometimes the best way to get what you want or need from a girl and you're most likely up to no good, it's usually easier and more effective to just lay out what it is you want as plain as possible. Morgan smiled fondly of thinking that, especially since he could see Alex wavering slightly.

"You're going after Chuck aren't you?" She said easily, impressing him yet again with her ability to just know things.

"How did…"

"My dad called. He told me what the General said and that you didn't seem to take it well. He figured you'd come here. What he didn't' figure would be you trying to break into the armory." She said.

They stood there in silence for several minutes, Alex waiting for him to explain, Morgan not quite sure what to say. He was starting to feel anxious. He was wasting valuable time. He had to get going. He turned his pleading eyes on Alex, begging her to understand. She nodded a minute later. She got it. She stepped up to the panel and entered a long sequence of numbers, it beeped green and the door slid open.

"I'm going with you Morgan." She said simply, turning away from him to enter the room. Morgan gapped after her.

"Absolutely not. This is going to be dangerous. You have to stay here." He protested but stopped suddenly when Alex turned around again to face him, tranq gun in her hand pointing at him. Morgan gulped loudly and held up his hands in surrender. Alex leaned closer to him.

'Chuck may be your best friend, but I love you. And I will support you, and be there for you, and fight beside you. And if that means going off into unknown danger then so be it. Because then I'll at least be doing something usefully besides just sitting at home worrying. At least I'll be with you and keeping you out of danger. You will NOT be keeping me here. Either I go or neither of us goes." She demanded.

"I have to go! I need to save Chuck. They're going to kill him." He protested. She just nodded again and turned away, grabbing a few more boxes of ammo and stuffing them in the bag he had.

"Then I guess we've better quit arguing and get going then huh?" She said directly. Morgan just sighed, giving up. He really didn't want her to go, not knowing what kind of resistance they were going to encounter. But he was secretly glad she was going with him. He would have back up but mostly, she would be able to assist him with some of the harder decisions. He'll freely admit that where Chuck and Ellie are concerned he's probably not always in the best frame of mind to make rational decisions.

"Ok, that's all the gear we should need." Alex said zipping up the bag and grabbing three Kevlar vests. (One for Ellie) "Anything else we need?" She inquired walking past Morgan into the living room. She set the bag next to his other bag that had clothes and food and such. He noticed wish a small smirk that there was another duffle, most likely hers sitting with the other two.

"Just one more. And I'm not quite sure how to go about getting it." Morgan confessed. She looked at him inquiring. "We need to get their dads computer." He finally spat out. She quirked her eyebrow.

"That laptop with all the Intersect stuff on it? Why do we need that?"

"It's just a theory, but Chuck has the Intersect right? He's been acting out based off intel in the Intersect. Maybe Ellie can configure it or something to help him or to take it out." Alex looked at him dubiously.

"Morgan that makes no sense." She said.

"I know but Sarah said he started flashing and shaking and getting information mixed up during the set up. What if the Intersect is making him more unstable and taking it out can….Look, it doesn't hurt to take it." He finally said.

She agreed. Whatever it was, somehow that laptop, and their fathers work factored into those two's lives in one way or another. She reached into the bag she just set down and took out two tranq guns, handing one to Morgan who looked at her questioningly.

"If we're going to get it we may need these. I think Devon is home. Do you know where the computer would be stashed?"

"I know all Ellie Bartowski-Woodcomb's secret hiding places. I'm sure I can find it. First place to look is her bedroom."

They walked out the door with a plan. She would go through the front, knocking to try to detain Devon while Morgan would sneak through the Morgan Door and creep through to Ellie's room to snag the computer.

Morgan heard Alex knock on the door as he hid behind some foliage by the window. He heard them converse before going inside and closing the door. Quickly he tapped the top of the window to unlock the window and opened it slightly allowing himself entrance.

As he landed softly on the floor he thought for a moment how odd a super-secret spy with two protectors wouldn't think that perhaps they should make it harder for people to break in. Shaking that thought from his mind he walked quietly around the bed to the door. He cracked it open to listen to where Alex was with Devon.

Morgan opened the door a little wider, about to exit but stopped looking down at the nightstand by the clock. He felt a pang of sadness overcome him. Picking up the photo that sat there, he could feel his eyes water up. It was of Chuck and Sarah; she was dressed as Slave Leia. He remembered that day. It was long, and it was painful. He remembered Chuck yelling at him to get it together. It hurt him, even though he was right. They had made up, but what Chuck had said hit him hard. But he did take it to heart and though he was still a screw up goofball, he worked on improving himself. And now look where he was. He owed it to Chuck.

A noise from the kitchen brought him back to the mission at hand. He looked through the crack again, seeing Devon exist the kitchen with cups of steaming tea. Once he had past Morgan exited the bedroom finally and snuck into Ellie's. The place was a mess, and the only thought that ran through his head was how pissed she was going to be when she came home.

He quickly went through the room, going through all the hiding places he knew of and some he thought were good spots but were never used. He didn't find anything. Finally he searched the common areas, the worst hiding spots and still no computer. He was beginning to get frustrated. He had to find the damn thing.

"What are you doing?" A male voice started him from his search. Morgan jumped hitting his head on the bottom of the bed from which he was looking under. He scooted out to see an angry looking Devon looking down on him.

"Uh…hi Devon. I was just, you know…looking for something." Morgan stuttered scooting further out from under the bed.

Devon reached down and with one hand got Morgan standing up right again glaring down on the smaller man.

"What are you doing in my bedroom?" He demanded again. Morgan didn't know what to say. Devon seemed really mad, which so was so not Awesome and so not him. He rarely ever had to deal with an angry Devon. Whenever he was the center of his rage Chuck would run interference while he made a hasty escape and would suffer until Ellie came home and rescued him. He recalled times after that Devon seemed extra nice to Chuck for a while. Ellie didn't care what Chuck did, nobody and she means nobody would use anger at her little brother.

"Well, you see…I'm searching for…me."

"Where is Ellie's dad's computer?" Alex said simply behind Devon, cutting off her boyfriend's stuttering.

"Why? What are you going to do with it?" Devon demanded turning away from Morgan finally to his relief to deal with the girl behind him.

"We need it. Where is she hiding it?" Alex repeated not answering his question. They stared down for a few minutes before Alex got tired of the game. She pulled out the tranq gun from the back of her jeans and pointed it at Devon.

"You're actually going to shoot me? I don't think so." Devon taunted, getting really annoyed by the whole situation. Alex just quirked her eyebrow again, and held the gun straighter.

"Well I am John Casey's daughter. Don't test me. Either tell us where it is, or I'll just tranq you now and we'll search the whole house. The choice is up to you. But just know, your wife may need it, and you're preventing her from getting it." She stated. Morgan was impressed by this, and was suddenly very glad she invited herself along. Devon thought about it for a moment before he nodded in agreement.

"Alright, but I want to come with you." He said. Alex nodded her acceptance and he put his hands down and walked out to the living room past her. Morgan looked at her wide eyed in shock that she would let him come with them, but she just gave him the Casey wide eyed stare that would normally accompany a grunt saying "shut up and follow my lead."

They exited the bedroom, finding Devon in Chuck's room going through a box in his closet.

"Ellie wanted to keep it in here. Away from Clara and figuring most would think she would have it and wouldn't look in here. Though, it seems kind of ridiculous considering two spies live in this room. But I think she was a little distraught." He found the computer and stood up and dusted it off a bit.

He handed it over to Morgan's outstretched hand and plastered the normal Captain Awesome smile upon his face for the first time.

"So where we off to?" He said. Alex just motioned for Morgan to exist through the window with her head. Once he was safely on the other side she raised the tranq gun at Devon once more.

"Sorry Devon, but I think its best you stay here. Ellie has enough to deal with." With that Alex shot two tranqs at him. He looked down at his chest stunned for a second before looking at her shocked.

"So not awesome Alex." He said before collapsing on the bed. Alex took care to arrange him so he'd be somewhat comfortable and removed the darts. She looked around the room quickly deciding if they needed anything else before making her own exit.

"Did you have to shoot him?" Morgan said as she approached him and grabbed one of the bags at his feet.

"We can't take him and if we left him awake he'd call the others and we'd lose the time we have to get a good lead." She said quickly walking out the gate and towards some vehicle he'd never seen before. She popped the trunk and threw her bag in and motioned for him to do the same.

He set the bags in the front handing her the laptop which she put under the back seats and surrounded by soft things for protection before getting into the front seat. Morgan followed jumping in the passengers quickly and putting on his seatbelt.

"And why couldn't we bring him? We could use some muscle you know. And speaking of muscle where did you get this car?"

Alex put the keys in the ignition but didn't turn the engine. Instead she turned best she could to face him, grabbing his hand and holding it in both of hers.

"Look, Morgan, he couldn't come because he's an unknown variable. One we don't need." Morgan tried to interrupt, to ask what she means. But she tightened her grip and shushed him.

"There is no doubt he loves Ellie, Clara, and Chuck, but from what you told me on when he learned about the GPS chips, there's really no telling how he's going to react. He's a nice guy, and his family is in danger. You know how he is about the spy life and Ellie. I think it's the one thing about Chuck he hates and can't stand and now it's come in and kidnapped his wife and child."

"Are you suggesting that Devon 'Awesome' Woodcomb MD would do something stupid and hurt Chuck to protect Ellie and Clara?" Morgan asked incredulously. Alex stared at him for a moment.

"My father committed treason to protect a woman he abandoned by faking his own death to serve his country. If I've learned anything, it's that people do things they wouldn't normally do when their families are in danger. And right now, Chuck is the cause of that danger and no matter how much he love Chuck, Ellie and Clara comes first." With that she turned away from him and turned the car on.

"We need to go north. Jeff and Lester traced his car going north for about 80 miles. He switched cars at one point; they found him at a rest stop with Clara. They tracked him at various rest stops until he stopped at about 4am at another rest stop where they were at for just under two hours. They saw Ellie get out of the back of the car to the front."

"By herself?" Alex interrupted. Morgan nodded. "Well, she may have been kidnapped but she appears to be cooperating now."

"Well the guys gave us about 40 miles to check out. They check all available cameras in all directions but weren't able to trace him. There's not much in that area but desert so they believe there might be something out there and that's where they went. They gave us the most probable route to check first. And if that doesn't pan out they gave me a map of the most efficient way to back track and check elsewhere." Alex was shocked.

"Wow…for idiots they are really smart." She said impressed.

"I know right? I see why Chuck kept them around. I gave them raises. I think they deserve it." Morgan sat back and relaxed as Alex pulled the car onto the street and started towards the freeway.

"Where did you get this car anyways?" He inquired again about it.

"Oh, when you guys came back from DC and you told me about the termination order I figured at some point you'll escape and go look for him. So I bought the car from a friend. She agreed to keep the title in her name for now and I paid cash. That way it will give us a little more time since they don't know about it yet."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Morgan reached over and intertwined his fingers with her right hand and brought it to his lips, laying a tender kiss on it.

"You know I Love you right?" Alex just smiled and squeezed his hand tighter as they drove.

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Ellie placed the damp cloth across Chuck's forehead mopping up the sweat that was there. He shook violently as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. She could tell he was clamping his jaw down tightly trying not to scream in pain but that didn't stop the moans and whimpers from escaping him.

He had somehow convinced her that he should start to detox. He couldn't take it anymore. He either got off the drug or he'll end up killing himself. She agreed to a trial. After feeding and bathing Clara and putting her to bed in the Tangled sleeping bag in the corner with her toys, Ellie led Chuck to the next room.

It had clearly been an observation room. The giant two sided mirror seemed daunting as her brother laid upon it. He had insisted she strap him down, afraid of the flashes and what they could make him do. In the car while confessing his sins, he had confessed to unknowingly doing and hurting people and things. He didn't remember the acts and he was afraid of what losing control of the Intersect would do, especially with his sister and niece so close, so she agreed.

He had been lucid for a good couple hours before he started sweating heavily. The convulsions started and he became restless soon after, followed by the flashes. His body jerked violently as his eyes rolled back and he tossed his head back and forth in obvious pain.

Ellie stood over him not quite sure what to do for him. That's not entirely true, she was a doctor, but it hurt so much to watch him. This was exactly why doctors weren't allowed to treat their family members. She saw tears falling down the side of his face and she reached down to wipe it away, only to have him move his head away from her quickly and be engulfed in another flash.

"Chuck. Chuck can you hear me?" She said loudly. He gave no indication of a response. She decided it was time to pull him out of this. She was afraid of the damage the Intersect was having on his mind.

"Chuck, I'm giving you the drug now." Still nothing. She grabbed a needle on the tray next to her. She took a spoon and opened up one of the capsules and pours the powdered substance on it before using a lighter to liquefy it. She drew it into the needle after a moment and then injected it into her brother's arm.

Tossing the needle back on the table she stood watching her brother as everything settled down and he begun to breathe a little easier. It took several minutes before he was able to blink his eyes open slightly enough to see her.

She was relieved. Chuck held his hand out as far as he could and she grabbed it, squeezing it tightly as she mopped the newly damp cloth over his face again.

"How…how…" He started but couldn't seem to get enough air in his lungs to ask.

"About 6 hours. " She said. Chuck just nodded his head and looked around the room before finally settling on Ellie again.

"Is that progress?" He asked desperately.

"No Chuck it's not." She wanted to lie and say yes but Ellie felt she couldn't do that to her brother. Chuck closed his eyes again, his face scrunching up in pain, fresh tears started to creep from the corner of his eyes. "Oh sweetie. We'll figure it out. I promise Chuck. I'm not giving up." She had to take a deep breath to prevent herself from crying outright.

"Ellie. I can't do this. I can't." He gasped out. Ellie leaned down to him. Putting her arms around him the best she could. Chuck leaned in as close as possible sobbing his sorrows out. After a while Ellie eventually pulled away from him, placing her hand on his forehead to make sure he looks at her.

"We will figure this out Chuck. We will. Don't give up yet. We just need more time, the flashes are….." She stopped mid-sentence her eyes widening. She stood up straight running her hand through her hair in thought.

"What is it Ellie?" Chuck inquires worried. Ellie bit her lower lip thinking. Chuck recognized this look. Ellie figured something out and was mapping out a plan in her head. He just laid back and let her work it out. A few minutes later she focused back on him.

"We need to get the Intersect out Chuck. That's what's causing the worse of it." She said coming closer, talking fast in the way she always did when she figured out a puzzle.

"What are…?"

"It makes perfect sense Chuck. The withdrawal from this drug is going to be painful and miserable yes. It blocks emotions and feeling. You're likely to be emotionally unstable for the rest of your life. You can't escape the side effects of this thing." She said softly. Chuck looked away then for a moment before making eye contact with her once more to continue.

"But what about the Intersect?"

"The Intersect runs on emotions Chuck. You've proved that over and over again. Whenever you were unstable emotionally it would glitch up. When you were hurt or sick it would be too." He just stared at her as she desperately explained this concept to him. "You're going through withdrawal. Your body is going through something traumatizing and its causing the Intersect to act up, which causes more pain. If you're going to survive this Chuck we have to remove the Intersect." She said finally.

Chuck stared at the ceiling thinking over what she said. She was right. He didn't know why he didn't just jump to do it. She was right. And he really didn't care about the Intersect anyways. While it did bring him Sarah and some meaning to his life, the object itself has caused him nothing but pain, grief, and worry.

"Let's do it." He said simply. Ellie nodded enthusiastically and reached down to unstrap him from the bed. He sat up slowly and rubbed his sore wrists as she unstrapped his ankles.

"I'll need dad's computer. It has the removal program on it."

"I'll go get it. I want you to stay here with Clara where's its safe." He slipped from the bed but immediately lost his footing and fell to the floor. Ellie who had tried to catch him fell with him.

"How about you sleep for a few hours before you go." She suggested. Chuck wanted to leave right away but knew he wouldn't get out of this. Ellie could be a real monster when she feels you should rest.

"I want you to stay here while I'm gone ok? With Clara. Do not leave for any reason. There are plenty of supplies." Ellie nodded understanding and helped him back on the bed. She pulled the sheet up that was kicked on the floor and covered him up placing a small kiss on his forehead like he was a little child.

"I will Chuck. Get some sleep. You'll need your strength." She whispered to him and left the room. She closed the door quietly and leaned up against the wall, closing her eyes she slowly slid down it till she was on the ground before hunching over and finally letting the tears fall.

"This has to work." She sobbed quietly to herself.

A/N. I wish to apologize. I was not meaning to imply i would stop posting the story if i didnt get reviews. I just meant that i haven't gotten many so i wasnt sure if the direction i was going was being well recieved. Thats how i kinda gage. I've never had an unfinished fic and i'm not going to start now! Next post hopefully tomorrow, probably Friday.

MissMonk


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Looks like Grimes and Alex took a good amount of firepower with them." Casey rumbled taking stock of his armory.

After turning everything they had over to the strike force leader Sarah and Casey headed to his apartment to get a little rest and grab some gear and personal items. They decided it would be better to plan and execute the mission from the safety of Castle. Chuck had installed the most secure systems available in there even though it's been out of use for almost a year. With the termination order official on all fronts now on Chuck it was decided to go into lock down on the mission.

They were shocked to come into Casey's apartment and find some of Morgan and Alex's stuff missing as well as some gear and other things one would usually take when going off grid. Casey took stock of weapons while Sarah looked around their bedroom taking inventory on what was missing.

"Both the Nerd Herder and Alex's car is still in their spots." She reported coming into the armory. She hid her smile best she could at seeing Casey's sad frown. He loved his guns, and he was concerned for their safety in Grimes hands.

"I'll finish here. You go check and see if Devon had gone with them." Casey suggested, petting one of the guns on the rack, an obvious favorite he was glad hadn't been taken. Sarah just smirked and turned back to go home.

Home.

The word echoed in her head and it caused her to stop. The apartment she had just been staying at due to her affiliation with Chuck and Ellie had become home in her mind once again. A small smile crept on her face as she focused on that warm feeling in her gut. She had never really had a home, but something about that small apartment felt very much like what she always thought it would be.

She entered the apartment, noting the two mugs sitting on the coffee table by the couch. Looking around she couldn't see anything out of sorts.

"Devon?" She called out. When she got no response she headed down the hall to his bedroom. The bathroom door was open signalizing he wasn't there. As she approached the back bedroom she noticed the room was messed and gone through. Her heart jumped to life and her spy skills kicked into high drive.

She looked around the bedroom making sure Devon wasn't in there and seeing if there was some kind of clue on who they were and what they were looking for. When she found nothing she went back down the hall, stopping at Chucks room. She sighed in relief seeing Devon lying on the bed, obviously passed out, but unharmed. The closet door was opened and things were taken out, she knew right away it was the Bartowski's father's computer.

Sarah rushed over to Devon and shook him gently, calling his name. He began coming too, mumbling random nonsense for a minute before passing out once more. Sarah stood up and pulled out her phone and called Casey.

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Alex pulled into the outer lane and turned her signal on pulling into the rest stop. They parked easily and she turned off the car. They sat there in silence for a moment just looking around.

"So this is where they saw him with Clara in a different car?" Alex inquired. Morgan nodded.

"You don't think he would have left a clue as to where he's going do you?" He inquired hopefully.

"I don't think so Morgan. Let's stop here for a few minutes, stretch and freshen up and we'll get going again." With that she opened the door and got out, followed by the love of her life. He frowned and looked sad so she grabbed his hand and squeezed, making sure he knew she was there for him.

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"Drink this." Casey ordered, holding a hot cup of strong coffee out to Devon. Devon mumbled thanks before taking a small sip and started choking on it right away.

"What the hell did you put in here?" He asked horrified.

"Nothing. Its coffee. Pure and simple. None of that syrupy sugary crap people are so fond of corrupting their coffee with." Casey grunted out. Sarah just quirked her eyebrow up.

"Corrupting their coffee with? That's a little harsh even for you." Sarah commented smirking. Devon just shook his head and put the coffee down on the coffee table in front of him. Casey had dragged him out of the bedroom and onto the couch to try to wake him.

"Enough chit chat. Where are Grimes and my daughter?" Casey demanded. Devon took a deep breath wiping his face with his hands.

"They're gone. They've gone after Chuck." He said simply.

"What do you mean? They don't even know where he is." Sarah said. Devon shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. I didn't get that far in the process." He replied. Sarah sat down on the table in front of him, placing her hands on his knees to look directly into his eyes.

"Ok, tell us, from the beginning, what happened so we can piece it together." Devon thought for a moment.

"Alex came to the door inquiring how I was. With Ellie and Clara gone and the rest of you searching for Chuck, she's felt left out a bit too and had been spending some time here with me. I heard a noise in the bedroom and found Morgan under the bed looking for something. Eventually they told me that they were going after Chuck and they needed their Dad's computer. Alex agreed to let me go with them and I gave it to them, but she tranqed me at the last minute and here we are." Devon sat back against the back of the couch reclining. He fought to stay awake, the tranq still running through his system a bit. Sarah looked at Casey alarmed.

"They have the computer, they're after Chuck. How would they know where to go?" She asked. Casey just shrugged unsure himself. She turned back to Devon.

"Did they say how they knew where to look?" She asked him.

"No, we didn't get that far in the conversation, sorry."

"We have to find out. We have to follow them." With that she stood up and raced out the door with Casey following. They went back into his apartment and quickly typed the keys on the computer there.

Hacking into Alex and Morgan's emails, Facebook, twitters, anything they have logins they searched for any clue that would have given them an idea where they went. But it was a dead end and Casey used all his restraint not to just throw the computer across the room.

"It's not like they have other spy contacts that we don't." Sarah said frustrated. "Could anyone at the Buy More have done this?"

"No. Those morons are intelligent in some respects to the internet and such but the skills required to locate a trained spy and one with the intersect is far beyond any of their capabilities." Casey stated.

It seemed they were at a loss once more and on where to start.

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They pulled into another rest stop a few hours after the last one. It was the final place that Chuck had been seen, the place where Ellie was seen moving to the passenger side of the car. From here they had no real direction on where Chuck could have gone but they at least knew where he wouldn't be. There had been no sign of the vehicle on any security or traffic cams in any directions of the next towns over so they had a 40 mile stretch of highway to search in several directions. The good part was it was flat land; desert mostly, so catching site of anything odd in the middle of nowhere would be a little easier.

It was dark now and Alex and Morgan both agreed it would be best to wait until morning when they had sunlight on their side to see. After using the rest rooms and cleaning up as best they could, they curled up in the back seat of Alex's new car. She pulled out a few blankets and pillows she had stashed there, knowing they would probably need it, and snuggled up close to each other, though sleep didn't seem to want to come.

"Do you think we're find him?" Morgan whispered to her in the dark, allowing the bleakness of the night to hide him.

"I don't know Morgan. I'm more concerned of how we'll find him." She whispered back. Morgan thought for a moment confused.

"We'll drive around and …."

"No, I don't mean that way. I mean, you know, physically, emotionally. Etc." She said. Silence once again filled the car. She shifted slightly to rest more comfortably on his chest.

"I don't know. And to be honest I don't care. I'll do anything I can to help him, and I will take on anyone who tries to stop me, or hurt him." He said fiercely. Alex looked up at him then, reaching up to wipe a stray tear falling down his cheek.

"But what if he doesn't live Morgan. I'm concerned about you too. What if he's too far gone, and we're too late to save him."

"Then I'll do what I can, and be there while I can. Even if it's just to tell him he's my best friend, I'm sorry, and that I love him. If he's going to die then I won't let him die alone. He'll die with me there, knowing that despite everything that's happened he still had a friend and that friend is me." He said fiercely and without conviction.

Alex moved herself up, placing her lips upon his and kissing passionately. He responded in kind wrapping his arms around her tightly, bringing her closer to him.

"You are such a good soul Morgan. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." She whispered upon his lips. They kissed for a few more moments before she settled back down on his chest.

"How will he live with himself and what he's done? He's such a good person, but he's done such horrible things." She whispered lastly. Morgan didn't really have an answer for it. He tried not to think about it since the mission began. But he knew one thing.

"He'll have us to help him." He said finally, closing his eyes. They laid in silence the rest of the night. Sleep eventually came several hours later but only lasted a short amount of time. In no time at all the sun began rising and filling the car with its rays. The couple unwound themselves from each other, cleaned up and hit the road again.

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Chuck used the shadows of the night to hide him. Seeing no actives in the apartment or surrounding he quietly opened the window of his sister's room and glanced inside to see if Devon was asleep in the bed. Ellie had told him that the computer was in his bedroom closet, but going through the courtyard seemed too risky with Casey's apartment being right there.

Glancing in and seeing the bed unkempt but nobody in it here glanced further into the darkened room. He didn't see any sight of his brother-in-law, but was very confused by the mess. He knew Ellie would throw a fit once she saw it and secretly hoped that Devon would be smart and clean it up as soon as possible.

Chuck climbed through the window entering the room. He glanced around it quickly searching for the one item his niece had asked him for.

"BINK!" she had said simply, and repetitively. Ellie clarified that it was her Binky. She was allowed still to have it at night and she had missed it. He couldn't deny her the request so here he was searching in the mess for the tiny chew toy. Locating it he quickly put it securely into an inside pocket of his jacket and then toed to the door that was open a crack.

He could see a light on in the living room, presuming that Devon was out there. He thumbed the gun he had on his side. Ellie begged him to take tranq guns, worried that Chuck would get startled or Devon would try to be brave and a fight would break out. She didn't want either of them seriously hurt.

He agreed to take one in addition to a real one, which was inside his jacket out of site. He didn't plan on killing anyone but he had no qualm at the moment with wounding anyone.

Chuck opened the door quietly, trying to prevent any squeaks and walked slowly down the hall to his bedroom. The door was closed and he stopped outside it to listen if there were anyone inside. It was dark below on the floor so there was no light on; he didn't hear any gentle snoring indicating someone was sleeping.

Slowly he opened the door, and stepped over the board at the entrance that tended to groan and entered the room. He shut the door quietly and waited a moment listening for any movement on the other side. Not bothering to look at the bed he walked around it and towards the closet. He jerked the door opened and stepped in reaching for the cord to turn on the light.

"Stop Chuck." A feminine voice said quietly behind him. He froze in place for a moment, a thrill of fear coursed through him causing him to close his eyes momentarily.

"What are you doing here Sarah?" He whispered so quietly she almost didn't hear him. She sat up further on the bed and got on her knees. Chuck turned around slowly hands raised to look at her. She held a gun steady on him, he smirked and stepped forward.

"Don't move Chuck." She commanded raising her gun further on him. He walked right up to her until the barrel of the gun was stabbing him in the chest. He leaned down close to her.

"Are you going to shoot me Agent Walker" He taunted. Sarah felt her heart beat so hard in her chest that she thought it was just going to jump out. She had the opportunity to take him out and end it now, but something deep inside here was screaming at her not to. He smirked again knowingly.

"Didn't think so." He said. With that he raised one hand grabbing the gun and with the other slapped her hard across the face. She let go of the gun and fell to the left rolling off the bed. Chuck turned away from her and went back to the closet to look for the computer.

Sarah moaned and pushed herself up on her elbows, one hand holding the side of her face Chuck had struck. Despite that she still didn't think she could bring herself to take out Chuck, but she was determined to incapacitate him.

Chuck started throwing things out of the closet haphazardly in more aggression then when he started. The computer wasn't there. He felt a stab of panic in his gut before the anger took over. Closing his eyes a moment he took a few deep breaths. He had taken the Laudanol 10 minutes ago so he would be at his best for this, but it had long stopped completely blocking emotions from him.

He turned around to face Sarah; she was just getting up on her knees again and leaned against the bed. He came at her and grabbed the back of her neck so she would look at him.

"Where is it Walker?" He hissed at her. She struggled to get him to let go but it was no used.  
"Where is what?" She asked through clenched teeth. She let go of the hand that was holding his on her neck and pushed her head into his hard. He let go of her and hopped on her hands and kicked him in the gut.

Chuck fell on the floor by the window crashing into the bookcase there. Sarah stood on her feet getting ready to advance towards him but was startled by the door being thrown open and Devon appearing.

"Sarah are you…" He stopped at seeing her and flipped the light on. He looked down at the window as Chuck stood up glaring at them. "You! Where's my wife!" Devon demanded coming straight at Chuck. He had reached out to grab him by the cuff but Chuck grabbed his arm, swung it around till Devon faced Sarah again. Devon grunted in surprise and pain and struggled to get away.

"She's safe." Chuck whispered at him before pushing him away hard. Devon landed on Chuck's bed and bounced onto the floor. Chuck reached inside his jacket, pulling out the tranq gun and shooting Devon twice. He passed out quickly where he was.

He put the gun back into his jacket and looked at Sarah again. Her mouth was opened in shock, still in her fighting stance.

"Where is the computer?" He demanded again.

"What do you need it for Chuck?" She questioned. He didn't answer, and neither did she. He glared once more before turning to the window and quickly exiting. Sarah paused for a moment before grabbing her gun and following him out to the courtyard.

She ducked quickly at the sound of gunfire. She looked up and saw Casey standing by the entrance gun pointed directly at Chuck who didn't even bother ducking.

"Give it up Bartowski. It's time to end this." He shouted at him. Chuck just stared at him, not giving any indication that he heard Casey's demand. "I'm warning you Bartowski." He growled once more. Chuck turned his back to him and began walking away.

Casey came forward quickly aimed and shot a few rounds. Chuck knowing what was coming had ducked slightly then popped up drawing his own gun from his side and shot off two rounds tapping Casey twice in the chest. He fell to the ground a few feet where he had stood and Chuck strut over to him, kicking his gun away from his range. Pulling out the tranq gun from his jacket once more he shot a dart at Casey's neck, effectively putting him out.

"No!" Sarah had screamed from where she had ducked. She stood up quickly and launched herself at Chuck. She swept her leg high kicking him in the gut again. He countered by grabbing her leg but she flung herself around using her other foot to kick him again.

Chuck stumbled back but came back at her punching her in the face and sweeping his foot behind her knee causing her to fall. She grabbed on to his arm swimming him around as she fell and flipped him over onto his back.

The fight continued at a fast pace, trading kicks, hits, and punches. Sarah was trying to find a way to end this without ending Chuck. She was losing strength from the prolonged battle but Chuck seemed to just be getting stronger.

After one last flip over both landing on the ground, they each rolled to their knees, finally bringing up their guns and pointing it directly at each other. They were only an arm length away, if either moved the barrel of the guns would be on both of their foreheads.

Chuck smirked again at their predicament, breathing heavily from the battle they had fought. Sarah felt wary and tired; she could feel sweat pooling from her entire body. It took all her control to keep her emotions in check.

"So here we are Sarah Walker." He said. She didn't reply, just stared at him. "Is this how it's going to end?"

"It's not how it has to end." She countered.

"One pull from either of us and the other will pull as well. We're both as good as dead either way."

"I don't want to kill you Chuck." Sarah pleaded desperately. "I want to help you." Chuck laughed harshly at that.

"You don't even know who I am."

"That's not true Chuck. Ever since this mission started and I came back here. I've been getting more and more of my memories back." She said softly. Chuck gave a hard look, schooling his face as best he could but he could feel the tears prickling his eyes.

"You're lying." He said through clenched teeth. Sarah shook her head slightly.

"I'm not Chuck." She whispered. Sarah lowered her gun from his forehead, suddenly very tired. Chuck looked alarmed but kept his aimed at hers.

"You left. Why now? Why did you come here? Why didn't you just stay away?" He cried out loudly. He tightened his jaw and closed his eyes momentarily restraining himself. Sarah stared deep into his eyes seeing his pain. The pain that she had caused him.

"I was ordered to therapy. I hated it at first but she told me something that stuck. That I could have a life filled with pain and struggle against these memories and the feelings they bring. Or I can live them, and learn them. I can be at peace." She said simply, tiredly.

"But you don't know me, our life, our love. I'm just a guy in your memories. It means nothing." He said harshly. She shook her head in disagreement.

"No. You were. I'll admit. But being back here, talking to Ellie and Morgan and…I don't know. It's all coming back." She looked up at Chuck's pained expression. She didn't want to cause that. She wanted him to smile at her like she always remembered. But he had tears streaming down his cheeks and she could clearly see the pain she has caused in his eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out but pained squeaks and whimpers. He took a deep breath holding in a sob that was desperate to come out.

"I'm not her anymore Chuck. I won't lie to you. I'm not that Sarah Bartowski. But I see her life, and I'm feeling her emotions. I see this woman who has learned to be open, and share, and learn, and to love. God Chuck, she's learned to Love. You taught her that. I've always wanted that. I'm not here Chuck but damn it I want it so bad. I want it with you." She was pleading now, she knew it. But now seemed like the best time than ever to just give in to her feelings and express herself. Chuck swallowed hard.

"I know how hard it is for you to admit that." He said softly. But then his features hardened again and he aimed the gun straighter at her. "But I also know you're a trained liar and how good you are at that. You'll say anything for me to give in and come with you. For you to terminate me. Destroy what your government created."

Sarah sighed and sagged where she was, the gun loosely hanging in her fingers. She didn't know what else she could do to get out of this. To get him to trust her. She brought her other hand up to her face to wipe away the tears that were falling and blocking her vision.

"I don't know what else to tell you to convince you I want to help you Chuck. " She pressed the release on the chamber of the gun separating it from the rest. She tossed both parts away from her out of reach. Chuck lowered his gun a little but still aimed it at her.

"I'm not worth saving Sarah." He said softly.

"Don't say that Chuck."

"Sarah, I don't know who exactly you remember. But I'm not it. I'm broken beyond repair. I've done things I've never thought I could do. I'm a fucking monster!" He shouted. "This drug and the Intersect, they're going to kill me or break me further. Either way, my life is over."

"Then why the computer Chuck? Why did you take Ellie and Clara? If you're broken and your life is over why are you doing this? Why not find some quiet little hole and end it." She said. It was getting hard to breath, she was so focused on not breaking down and sobbing and screaming that she was starting to hyperventilate a little.

"Because I wanted them safe until it was over. They used them as bait. And I didn't want anything to happen. But with Ellie there…" He stopped; his gun lowered a bit more. "Ellie needs to fix things. She thinks she can fix me. And she can't. But I won't take away her opportunity to do so."

"Chuck, she…"

"No. It's over Sarah. My death will hurt her so much. But it would hurt her more to know she didn't even try, or didn't have a chance. I'm giving that to her. It's the last thing I can give her."

They sat in silence for a few moments just staring at each other. It stretched out and Sarah wondered not for the first time how long this will go, and how it will end.

"She wants to remove the Intersect doesn't she?" Sarah stated. Chuck didn't respond, he didn't have to. "It's not here anymore. Morgan has it."

"What?" He said incredulously.

"We don't know how or how accurate but we got orders to hand over everything to a strike team. He felt we were abandoning you, but he came home grabbed a bunch of ammo and guns and stuff and the computer and took off with Alex in an unknown vehicle." Chuck thought about it for a moment.

"Do you think he knows where I am?" He asked her. She just shrugged.  
"We don't know how he would have gotten the information. He was at the Buy More all day and then came home and took off."

"Did anything happen there?" He inquired. Sarah thought back to what she saw on the surveillance cameras. Nothing unusual happened.

"Nothing. He was in his office all day. Only came out to speak to Jeff and Lester a few times and leave." She said. Chuck smiled at that. He knew. Morgan must have gotten his intel from them. Morgan was on his way to him with the laptop.

"I have to go." He simply said. She protested, making a quick movement but he raised his gun and aimed it directly at her forehead again. She stopped.

"Chuck. Please. Let me help. Let me come with you. Let me help you!" She begged. He stared at her for a moment, letting the silence stretch out.

In a movement too quick for her to counter if she wanted to he lowered his gun and grabbed the back of her neck bringing her to him, crashing his lips upon hers. She was stunned for a moment before reacting, opening her mouth allowing him to explore her mouth. She brought her hands up to tangle into his hair that had been cut and trimmed since the last time, probably Ellie's doing. She pressed herself as much as she could to him.

The kiss was unlike the one on the beach which was slow and sensual. A goodbye of sorts. This one was hard, fast and passionate. She felt her breath quicken and hear heart pound. She wanted it to never end. She wanted him to be with her again here.

Sadly the kiss slowed and he started pulling away, pressing soft gentile kisses as he did. He rested his forehead against hers, holding her tight both breathing heavily. Placing one last kiss upon her forehead he moved closer to her ear.

"We'll always have Omaha." He whispered to her. She narrowed her eyes momentarily in thought before she felt it.

She looked down between them. There in his left hand was the tranq gun. She looked up into his eyes, clearly seeing the sorrow in them.

"We'll always have Omaha." He said once more, a little louder before she finally succumbed to the effects of the tranq.

A/N. ok I totally quite enjoyed the interaction with Sarah and Chuck I just wrote. Its the kind of crap i want to see..but nobody write *sobs*. Sorry about the crap fighting. i have no idea how to write it. Hope you enjoyed it!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

They had been driving around for hours, searching the open areas for a sign of anything, but it was beginning to feel hopeless. They had gone down several of the paths, having to stop a few times to refuel with still no luck.

"I'm beginning to think this is futile." Morgan groaned out, slamming his head against the backrest of the seat. Alex glanced over giving him a rueful smile. She too was feeling the same way but she would never voice that out loud to Morgan. Right now he needed her support.

Morgan opened the door to the car and stepped out looking around. The air was dry and hot with the sun beating down on him. He reached his hands behind his head and stretched his back. They had been in the car for over twenty for hours now and his body was starting to feel it.

Getting out of the car as well Alex walked around it and stepped up to Morgan placing her hands around his waist.

"It's not futile, we'll find it." She said optimistically. Morgan looked into her eyes with a smile, his heart swelling and loving her more. He bent a bit to place a kiss on her lips, enjoying the feel. He didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't of force her way into this trip.

"I know. It's just….I don't know. Times running out." He said reaching over and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. It was one of the simple things he loved to do. It's what guys did all the time in all the movies he's ever seen, and he loved that he got a chance to do it, and did it as often as he could.

Alex was about to respond but was quickly interrupted by a loud chirping sound from the cars open window. She looked up at Morgan confused for a moment.

"I thought we agreed to leave our phones off to avoid detection." She said. Morgan thought for a moment before realization dawned him.

"We did. I mean, I did. But Jeff and Lester gave me a burn phone so if we get lost or they get more information they could call us or whatever." He said and he quickly dove for the car.

He reached into the back seat and dug in his bag as the phone started ringing again. Finally reaching it after pulling everything out of the bag and all over the back seat.

"Yeah guys?" Morgan said answering the phone, his heart beating quickly in anticipation on what they might convey. There was silence on the other end for a moment of two. "Hello? Guys?" He tried again.

"Morgan?" A soft voice said on the other line. It was quite and barely heard but Morgan would know that voice anywhere.

"Chuck? Chuck is that you?" He said a bit louder. Alex looked at him in alarm and rushed over to his side, grabbing his arm. "Chuck are you alright?" Silence spanned between the lines again and Morgan feared that Chuck had hung up.

"You have something I need." Chuck said simply. Morgan thought for a moment, going over a mental inventory of what he had brought with him before it hit him.

"Yeah, the computer. We have it. We thought that maybe Ellie could use it or something, to help you." He rushed out. Again silence. It was quite unnerving.

"Where are you?" Chuck asked. Morgan thought for a moment incredulously, looking around at the nothing that surrounded them and trying to say in a non-sarcastic way that there weren't any street addresses. Alex noticed his expression and wondered what was going on.

"What he say?" She asked.

"He asked where we were." Alex nodded and reached into the passers side of the car pulling out the GPS map she had borrowed from her friend. She grabbed his hand to pull the mouth piece of the phone towards her and spoke the coordinates to Chuck before letting go.

Morgan waited with baited breath for an answer, adrenaline pumped through him with anticipation and fear. He was doing all this to help his friend but he wasn't totally stupid. He knew the right now Chuck was unpredictable.

"I'm impressed. You guys are very nearly there. Go north another five miles then take first left after the you pass the field of hay bundles. Drive for ten miles, you'll see a building on the right. It's a small house. Park your car in the barn that's a mile down the road after you pull up to it."

"Ok, ok, sounds good. Then what." Morgan asked.

"Then you wait." With that Chuck disconnected the call. Morgan lowered his hand and looked at Alex, conveying Chuck's instructions.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Morgan asked hesitantly. Alex just shrugged.

"I don't know Morgan. All we can do is go and find out. It's too late to go back now." With that she gave him one last hug and walked around the car to the driver's seat. Morgan took a moment to look around once more and take a deep breath, then entered the car as well.

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"Then you wait." Chuck said lastly before disconnecting the phone. He looked down at his hand pressing the power button on it, turning it off and preventing tracking.

He took a shaky breath and leaned his head back against the head rest closing his eyes. His body hurt. His mind was exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep. To sleep and never wake up again. To end it all. But he had to give his sister her chance to save him. It was the last thing he could give her even though he sincerely believed she would fail. If not the drug or the Intersect, surely that strike team Sarah had mentioned would kill him.

His mind drifted back to Sarah and their fight. He smiled a bit at that. They really kicked the marriage domestic violence thing up a few notches. He didn't know if he believed her about her returning memories or not. Ellie hadn't mentioned it, hadn't mentioned her at all actually. But then again, he hadn't been fishing for information and there were other things to deal with. But still.

He felt numb again thinking of Sarah. Too many emotions surrounded her. He had tried blocking out as much of her as he could over the months but lately with the Laudanol failing he couldn't help but think more and more about her. Especially with his life coming to a quick end.

It made him feel extremely sad. He had always wanted a family life. A loving wife, a house, kids, maybe a dog. He was so close to having that until Nicholas Quinn showed up and took it all away. He had a slim chance of it still happening if Sarah had regained more memories, but now that he was how he was, his dreams of the future are gone forever.

Chuck felt wetness drip from his eyes but made no move to wipe them away. He seemed to either be full of tears or raged now a days. No happy medium. He was always an emotional guy but how he was now was ridiculous. He hoped that Ellie would make some kind of report, maybe publish something. Get a research grant. That would be amazing for her. He made a mental note to mention that to her, though she would be horrified to use him as her lab rat.

Taking a deep breath and holding it in, he finally sat up in the driver's seat of his car. He had waited a few blocks away waiting for the ambulances to arrive, to make sure that everyone was ok. He had used Sarah's phone so he wouldn't be traced. He knew Ellie was going to be pissed when she learned he tranqed her husband.

He reached in the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out the Binkies. At least one person will get what they wanted. He then headed to the Buy More. Sarah and Casey may not have figured out how Morgan got his information but it was easy for him. There was a reason that he kept those two morons around.

He had come to the Buy More via the back entrance and waited there for one of them to come to the cage. Once Jeff was there he quickly approached him, asking him what he told Morgan. Jeff was so excited to see Chuck not even bothering to be horrified like everyone has been and will be at his appearance.

He spilled his intel about how they used their network of creepy stalkers to hack into security cameras and other things in order to track his movements. They lost his location after a certain amount of time figuring that he had finally stopped. He told Chuck the general area they sent Morgan to start looking and finally giving him the phone number to the burn phone they were using if they needed to pass off information.

After obtaining all valuable information from him he used a mint knock out spray that will wipe the last five minutes from his memory and took off driving quickly to try to catch up and make it back to Ellie as quickly as possible.

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Sarah woke slowly to voices surrounding her talking in harsh but silent tones. She heard a groan followed by a loud growl she instantly recognized as Casey. She popped her eyes open best she could, remembering Casey being double tapped in the chest by Chuck.

She looked over to her left seeing him sitting in a wheel chair, grumpy but alive and arguing with the two women, Carina and Mary while they presumed she was still out.

"She's awake." Mary said quickly coming to her side. She ran a hand over her forehead wiping sweat and hair off it.

"What…where…" She tried to say, still under the effects of the tranquilizer.

"It appears your little Chuckie decided to tranq you guys." Carina said, crossing her arms. Sarah looked at Casey again.

"You…shot…" She stumbled over. Casey growled.

"Yeah, I was wearing a vest, I'm fine. Just a few bruised ribs. Luckily it wasn't point blank." Sarah felt relieved. Trust Casey to be prepared.

"Devon?" She asked.

"He's getting his hand fixed up. His wrist was twisted and bruised but it looks like it'll be fine." Mary told her. Sarah nodded and relaxed finally. She must have drifted back to sleep because she woke up later and it was darker outside. She was able to open her eyes better and felt less like lead.

Casey, Mary, and Carina were still there but off in separate corners obviously having just finished a disagreement. She just laid there and observed them all, contemplating what had taken place. Everyone jumped back into action however when the door opened and Devon walked in, cast on his wrist.

"Devon, honey. I thought it was just a sprain." Mary said coming closer to him. Devon just smirked and allowed her to check it out.

"It is but the doctor that checked it out is a friend of Ellie. You know how Ellie is." He said. Mary laughed knowing exactly. Even a little scratch on Clara causes her to want to put her in a full body cast.

"So how is everyone here?" He inquired.

"Good. Everyone's good." Sarah finally piped in startling everyone.

"Oh Sarah honey you're awake." Mary stated.

"Now that you're all conscious finally why we don't figure out exactly what happened." Carina said, taking a seat at the end of Sarah's bed.

"Well, I didn't come in till I heard loud noises in Sarah's room, so maybe she should start." Devon suggestion.

Sarah spun her tale for those around her of Chucks break in, the fight in the courtyard. She told as much detail as she could, but left some out. She couldn't bring herself to tell them the personal stuff, about their argument on her memories, about the kiss before he put her out. She wasn't even sure what to think about it herself.

"What's with this computer you guys are all up on?" Carina asked confused. Everyone turned away looking at each other not sure how to answer. "Oh come on guys. I'm read up on everything" She protested.

"My husband was a scientist for the CIA. That Intersect in my son's head was created by him. He left that computer for Ellie when he died and she's been able to advance the technology so far in such a short amount of time." Mary explained proudly.

"So why does everyone want this computer all of a sudden?" Carina asked still confused. Nobody answered, not quite sure except for Sarah. She debated if she should tell them. To let them know what Chuck has given up already. That he was only going through with it now to give his sister peace of mind by attempting to save him.

"He could be trying to keep it out of other hands. The last intersect was destroyed by us. He used the last glasses. For security there isn't a complete copy of anything saved anywhere save for that computer." Casey said. Sarah made her decision.

"He needs it to remove the intersect." She said quietly. Mary was startled.

"Remove it? But it's the only thing that's currently keeping him alive. Without it he'll be vulnerable." Mary said alarmed.

"Maybe that's the point." Casey retorted.

"Why would that be the point? Are you saying my son is suicidal?" Mary protested threateningly.

"Well he is a murderer now, so what's a step away from suicide. He's not in the right frame of mind."

"Yes but removing the inter-"

"It's for Ellie's sake." Sarah shouted interrupting the argument that was starting to escalate. Everyone shut up immediately and stared at her.

"What do you mean?" Mary asked alarmed once more. Sarah had to take a moment breath and get herself under control before continuing.

"Chuck has given up. He's dying or going to die and he knows it. Now he's just trying to help his sister cope with it." She explained quietly. They were all silent contemplating the news.

"Well, doesn't matter anyways. Morgan has it." Devon said. Sarah tried avoiding eye contact to him. She was still upset that he had gone after Chuck even though it was justified.

"He knows that Morgan has it. And I have no doubt he'll find he'll find him." Sarah said.

"And how did he find out the idiot has it?" Casey accused. Sarah glared back at him.

"How do you think?" She spat.

"Ok guys. That's enough. So he knows who has the computer and we know why he wants it. Is there anything else he said to you Sarah?" Devon said stepping between Casey and Sarah. Sarah thought for a moment staring at the ceiling. He did say one thing.

"The last thing he said was." She stopped taking a breath. "We'll always have Omaha."

"Well that's random." Carina rolled her eyes. Sarah glared at her.

"I told him, I told him I wanted to help him. To let me come with him." She thought about telling them about the kiss that had taken place after that, but decided against it. It wasn't detrimental information. She wanted to keep that to herself to remember always. "Then he said that before knocking me out."

"What exactly does that mean?" Devon was confused, face scrunched up thinking. "Did you guys do something in Nebraska?"

"Isn't that was Larkin said to you?" Casey but in. Sarah looked sharply at him. "After he came back. He said that. Bartowski asked me about it and I told him it means if you want to join him that's where he'll be."

Sarah thought on that. She didn't remember Bryce saying that to her. She didn't remember that time at all.

"I thought Bryce died before Sarah came." Devon said.

"Don't bother jock." Casey replied not taking his eyes off Sarah. She closed her eyes trying to remember. She did have missions with Bryce in Omaha, but what did that have to do with Chuck? Did Bryce tell him about Omaha?

"I don't know Casey." Sarah said dejected.

"Wait, Chuck knew Bryce?" Carina asked sounding frustrated. She was really out of the loop here.

"Yeah man, they went to college together. Stanford. They were best friends, frat brothers, and roommates. That was until he framed Chuck for cheating and kicked out of school, then slept with his girlfriend." Devon said angrily. Sarah smiled and reached her hand out for Devon. She knew he was mad at him for Ellie but the anger he held for what Bryce did to Chuck still meant he cared for the man.

"Wow. Harsh." Carina responded. Sarah nodded her agreement but then stopped.

"Bryce got Chuck kicked out of school." She said staring into space searching her memory.

"Yeah Walker we got that Thanks." Casey replied sarcastically, but she didn't appear to hear him.

"Chuck was being recruited for some military project. They weren't going to give him a choice. That's why he did it. It was something to do with Chuck's retention rate being the highest they've ever seen."

"The Intersect." Casey said. "They had testing for that a long time ago but none were successful. What was the project code name?" He said to himself thinking.

"Project Omaha." Sarah said. She closed her eyes as the memory became as fresh as if it were yesterday. She remember going to Stanford, obtaining the disc, watching it with Chuck. She took the disc telling him to never tell anyone about it. It wasn't safe for anyone to know. She opened her eyes when the memory finally ended.

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Morgan and Alex leaned against the car arms crossed waiting. Waiting for what they weren't quite sure but they were told to do so. It was surprisingly cool in the car and both were glad to finally get out of the direct heat. They had taken that time to have a small lunch consisting of snacks they picked up at the last gas station hey stopped at.

The sun was starting to set on the horizon and both were beginning to wonder if they would indeed end up sleeping in the car once more that night when a noise from the outside startled them from their thoughts. Both stood up straight both fearful and anxious about who it was.

They didn't have to wait long. Chuck had pulled up around the back of the barn and entered the door. Both shielded their eyes from the sunlight that shone directly behind them into their faces as they looked towards their visitor.

Chuck closed the barn door behind him, leaving them once again in the dimness of the barn. Morgan lowered his hand from his brow to get the first real look of his friend since 8 months ago when he had said his temporary goodbye as Ellie packed him in her van to the hospital.

"Chuck." He said softly. Chuck looked up at the sound of his voice, a small smile sliding upon his face.

"It's good to see you again buddy." He said simply.

Morgan walked the distance and stood right in front of his best friend. Typically he would have just jumped on him and hugged the life out of him, but finally getting a good look at him he was afraid to even breathe.

His best friend had turned into a skeleton with dark shadows, marks and scars all over him. He wore heavy black clothes to hide himself. His hair was neatly trimmed, cut short to be in order but long enough to show his curls and his face had a days' worth of hair.

"Chuck, man. What happened?" Morgan asked for lack of a better question. Chuck gave a rueful smile.

"Do you have the computer?" He asked, avoiding Morgan's question. Morgan nodded. "I need it."

"Oh yeah bro. Anything. We grabbed it for you." Morgan stumbled over his words but didn't move to retrieve it, still stuck staring on what was physically left of his friend. They stood there staring at each other for several minutes before Alex walked up behind him and held out the computer to Chuck.

"thank you." Chuck said. He turned away from them and walked towards a wall on the left. He pressed in a portion of a wall exposing a panel to which he pressed a sequence of numbers. The wall next to him lifted revealing a stainless steel elevator. They watched as he slowly walked into it clutching the computer to his chest and turned around towards them waiting expectantly.

Morgan and Alex glanced at each other for a moment before quickly grabbing their bags from the car and following him.

The ride down in the elevator was silent, each lost in their own thoughts. The doors opened a few minutes later, Morgan wondered how far down they had gone. The room it opened to was a blinding shade of white, accented by the sharp brightness of the florescent lighting. They followed Chuck off the elevator and down a couple hallways until they reached a large door with another panel next to it.

Chuck entered another long sequence of numbers and the door unlocked and opened giving them entry. Chuck entered first and they followed right behind. They entered into a room that looked like a lab. There were computers and wires and all sorts of stuff spread out through the room on stainless steel tables.

On the wall opposite them where a half dozen screen displaying different things, and standing in front of that Ellie working on a computer.

"Ellie!" Morgan shouted in joy, cringing slightly at the loud echo in the large room. Ellie jumped startled and turned around to see who shouted. It was quickly followed by a squeak of "UCK!" as Clara ran down the aisle towards Chuck.

She ran right into his leg below his knee being so tiny and tightly wrapped her arms around his calves sobbing. Morgan crouched down to her height best he could and patted her on the head.

"Hey sweetie, how are you? I missed you." But the little girl didn't even notice him.

He stood up as Ellie approached them at a more dignified pace. As soon as she reached Chuck she wrapped her arms tightly around him, squeezing him. She pulled back a bit to study his face, lightly brushing her fingers over the scratches and bruises that were there. Pulling away finally she reached out for the computer and looked at Morgan and Alex.

"What are they doing here Chuck. Please tell me you didn't kidnap them too?" She asked. Chuck smirked a second.

"No Ellie. These two came on their own. They had already taken the computer by the time I got there." He said.

"Are you going to let them go?"

"No, no he's not. We're here voluntarily." Morgan interrupted. Ellie just stared at him exasperated.

"And why would you do that?" She inquired looking back and forth between Alex and him.

"Well, you see"

"They're here to help Ellie. They wanted to help me. They are free to go whenever they please." Chuck interrupted Morgan. With that he reached down and picked up the sobbing Clara holding her close. He reached inside his jacket and took out her Binkie. She tried reaching for it. "No little one, let's go clean it first ok?"

He looked pointedly at the other two as he walked by, indicating that he wanted them to follow. Ellie just shook her head and rolled her eyes, turning back to return to the computer she was working at. They followed Chuck down another hall and through into another room that appeared to be an examination room.

"Chuck, I"

"Don't tell Ellie about the strike force." He said simply, placing Clara on the counter next to the sink to wash her binkie.

"How did you"

"Sarah told me. It would make her worry more. So don't mention it. Or anything else in relation."

"Chuck. I don't understand. Why did you take Ellie in the first place?" Morgan asked finally getting a word in. Chuck gave Clara the binkie still not facing them.

"You know very well why. They were using her as bait. She needs to be safe until it's over." He finally turned around to look at them. "You two are free to go, but I must implore you to not tell anyone where we are. But, I hope you will stay. Ellie will need you." The last part was said too softly to barely hear.

Morgan shook his head and finally reached out embracing Chuck as hard as he could, not caring about anything.

"No man. I'm here for you. No matter what happens we're besties and you can count on me." He state firmly.

"Good." Chuck said pulling away after a few moments. "Because I'm really going to need you."

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A/N: Ok it was probably if i remembered be explained later but bascially the reason he can feel kinda now is because the laudnaol loses its effects with continual use. (or at least in my story) It is after all an untested drug. The emotions he does feel however are supposidly extreame. But i'm trying to cut back on the angst here.

Next chapter when ig et to it :-d


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Chuck sat on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chin as freezing water fell down upon his head covering the rest of him. Ellie had suggested that he get some rest and a shower before they attempt to take the Intersect out of his head, to which he readily agreed. He had been up for almost two days straight, unable to find sleep.

He had gone into one of the exam rooms and lay on the bed there exhausted but unable to find any rest. He tossed and turned for hours, finally ending up on his back staring at the celling letting time pass at its own pace.

He could feel his body heat up in the night and his muscles start twitching, shaking, and vibrating as the last dose of the Laudanol he had taken hours before lost their effects. Once it became difficult to breath he sat up and decided to take a hot shower, hoping that would help relax his tense body but knowing it wouldn't. Nothing would help. He felt he was in an endless loop and not for the first time was very thankful he always said no to drugs when they were offered.

He had turned the shower on full blast, stepping into one of the private stalls in the large co-ed locker room that the facility had. It had burnt his skin and caused pain but he relished in it. Soon though his eyes rolled back as the first flash hit. He closed his eyes as he came out and leaned his head against the wall of the stall. His head felt like it was on fire as sharp pulsing pain coursed through his brain after each flash. He bit his lip to prevent from crying out, not wanting the echo of the large room to rouse anyone else from their hopefully peaceful sleep.

After a few flashes his legs became like jello and he fell to his knees, placing his forehead on the floor by the drain. Water flowed down hitting his back and head but he didn't notice. Eventually he was able to pull himself up enough to lean against the wall and draw his knees up, sitting there for an indeterminate amount of time. Long enough to empty the large hot water tank the facility had, for when Morgan finally found him the water was ice cold, though he couldn't tell if his best friend was shaking so violently from the cold, withdrawal, or the painful flashes.

"Oh buddy. What are you doing?" Morgan mumbled softly as he reached into the stall and turned the water off. Chuck looked at his friend for a moment before his eyes rolled back in another flash and he buried his face back into his knees.

Morgan looked down at his friend with a sad expression, trying hard to not start crying himself at seeing his friend in such a pathetic state. It's not the first time, he knew, seeing Chuck so miserable, but he would willingly admit this had to be the worst.

"Come on buddy." Morgan said, bending down for Chuck. He helped his friend stand, not an easy feat considering Chucks taller frame despite his loss of weight. Slowly they made their way over to the bench across from the shower stall. He helped him sit on the bench and lean up against the wall again for support.

Morgan tried his best as he grabbed the towel and started to help Chuck dry off to avoid staring at the cuts that ran all over his friends' body. By the straight look of the cuts he could tell they were self-inflicted. Some of them were light pink indicating they were older and healing while most of them were dark angry pinks and reds showing their freshness. He didn't see any blood run on his body or end up on the white towel so he breathed a sigh of relief that Chuck hadn't resorted to that right now.

"Morgan? Are you in here?" Alex's voice rang through the room echoing. Morgan stood up for a second startled.

"Yeah, uh…don't come in here yet." He stumbled. He didn't hear a response for a few seconds.

"Is everything ok?" She asked back, confused on why her boyfriend would keep him out of the locker room.

"Uh, yeah. Chuck's here. We'll be out in a few." She shouted back. He returned to the task at hand of getting his friend presentable, which was not an easy job. Chuck had seemed to go in some kind of catatonic state, unable to recognize what was going on. Between obvious painful flashes Morgan saw his eyes gaze dully at nothing before closing in pain once more.

Morgan heard the door open and rushing of a person entering as he was finishing putting Chuck's arms through the t-shirt he had brought with him. He looked up to see Ellie standing beside him, need in her hand as she waited for him to move.

"I found him in the shower, the water was cold." He said simply. Ellie nodded and stepped in front of her brother putting one hand on his cheek and prying an eyelid open to see the brown globe within.

"Chuck? Can you hear me?" She said softly letting go of the lid and patting his cheek. He made no response, so she stood up straight.

"What's happening?" Morgan asked her. Ellie sighed, as she took the cap off the needle with clear liquid in the syringe.

"The Laudanol is losing its effects on suppressing emotions, and with any drug the more you use it the more your body becomes resistant to the effects and the more you have to take to avoid withdrawal. The withdrawals are causing the Intersect to become unstable." With that she held his arm out, Morgan covering his mouth with his hand seeing all the puncture marks there.

Ellie stuck the needle in his arm allowing, pushing whatever it was into his arm. Morgan watched as Chucks eyes closed tightly for a moment before his head finally dropped and he bent over clutching his head with his hands buried in his hair.

"I know. He looks like a heroin addict. But it's the best place to get the drug fastest into him." She said softly capping the needle one more.

"What is that?" He finally asked.

"Laudanol in liquid form." He answered.

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Twenty minutes later they were all sitting around in the employee lounge, Chuck more lucid now but Morgan couldn't help but notice how exhausted and wary he looked. Clara sat next to him on the couch, leaning on his lap resting quietly, watching the adults talk as Chuck rubbed circles on her back calmly like she was a cat.

"I think it's best if we do it as soon as we can." Ellie was saying, making a plan on removing the Intersect from Chuck. "It's best to do it early on after the Laudanol is taken. You'll be the most lucid then maximizing the removal."

"What do you mean? Won't it remove it completely?" Alex asked confused.

"In theory or under normal circumstances yes it would. But the Intersect is very unstable at the moment. It's very possible that part of it won't be removed. It depends entirely on how lucid he is when the removal takes place. But because of its instability there's really no telling how it will react and treat his body once the removal starts taking place." She explained fully in doctor mode.

"So basically we don't know if this plan is going to work." Morgan stated flatly. Ellie shook her head. "Is this really a good idea then? This could cause further problems then help."

"It's the best option we have Morgan." Ellie protested.

"No its one option. What's another one?" He said.

"Morgan. I know you're worried but we don't have all the facts. Ellie's a doctor, she knows more"

"No. Damnit Alex." He stopped and took a deep breath. He didn't want to yell at Alex. He hated to and it wasn't her fault anyways. "This isn't some random experiment. This is his mind she's messing with. If something goes wrong he could be a vegetable or die or who knows what."

"He could die either way." Ellie cried out frustrated. Everyone was silent at that. The silence stretched out for several minutes, nobody wanting to be the first to speak.

"I think, the most obvious answer, is to let Chuck decide what course of action he wants to follow." Alex said quietly. They all looked over at Chuck who had yet to utter a single word all day so far. He just met their stares back unblinkingly, still rubbing Clara's back as she slept on his leg.

"Chuck, come on man. This is crazy." Morgan started.

"We're going to do what Ellie suggests." He said simply. Morgan wanted to protest but stopped himself from doing so. Glancing over at Ellie expecting to see her gloating smug smile, he was slightly disheartened to see nothing but sadness. He began feeling guilty for that last thought.

"I suggest we do it soon then. Today." She said. She reached over and grabbed his hand squeezing it tightly, a small smile gracing her features.

XXX

They waited until early evening to begin. Ellie had given him another dose of Laudanol an hour previous, in pill form this time and they allowed it to take complete control of him. If the removal of the Intersect worked as she hoped they would begin detoxing immediately afterwords.

Chuck had led Morgan and Ellie down yet another mysterious hall into another room, Alex staying with Clara. The room was large and white with panels. Morgan was reminded of the Intersect room they had infiltrated at DARPA last year.

There was a chair in the middle of the room which Chuck went directly to and sat in. Ellie followed close by and begun strapping him in. Morgan didn't like that. He didn't want his friend strapped down. Even though it was his choice to follow through it just made him feel like this was another thing Chuck was having done to him.

Ellie secured the straps on his arms and legs, move to the chest and waist area making sure he wouldn't be able to move. She proceeded to attached electrodes to his forehead and chest monitoring his vitals. His head was secured to avoid him moving and last but not least some scary looking metal contraption was attached above and below his eyes preventing him from blinking.

Ellie move in close to chuck, looking him directly in the eyes. She placed her hands on both sides of his face in a soothing manner and leaned in and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Are you alright?" She whispered to him.

"I'm fine Ellie." He said to her. She stepped back and stood to her full height giving him one last look before turning away to exit. "Ellie wait." He said. Ellie turned around again towards him and move close.

"What is it Chuck?" She asked. He moistened his lips, breathing deeply before talking.

"Ellie, I need you to know. That whatever happens with this or after this…" He paused for a moment trying to come up with the words. "I need you to know that you tried your best. And I love you for it."

"Chuck this is going to work. It has to. Think positive." She protested.

"I know Ellie. But if it doesn't. I don't want you beating yourself up for it." He could feel tears forming in his eyes wanting to come out but with his eyes trapped opened and his hands locked down he couldn't do anything about them. "I don't want you regretting not doing more, or thinking you made a wrong decision."

"You can't tell me to not do that Chuck. I'll do it regardless because you're my baby brother, whom I raised. You're practically my son in every way but biologically. Failing to fix you…I don't know. I can't fail that's all there is to it. I'd never forgive myself."

"No Ellie you can fail. And most likely you probably will. Which why it's important for you to know, that I forgive you. And you need to believe that, and move past this because you have Clara and Devon to care for. You're doing everything you can for me ok? And I love you so much for it."

Ellie leaned down and wrapped her arms around him the best she could and sobbed. She just held him for a few minutes before pulling back and placing her hands back on his face.

"I love you too Chuck. But I will do everything in my power to save you. You can't leave me so start fighting to survive." She said simply before turning and walking out the door.

Morgan had stood there watching the exchange with a heavy heart, remembering his discussion with Chuck earlier and his pleading to be there for Ellie. The way he had seemed to have already given up. He hated seeing his friend like that, without hope.

Like Ellie he too pleaded with him to be positive. To fight. But Chuck seemed resigned to his fate and what would most likely happen, and his main concern wasn't for himself, but for the only family member who hadn't ever abandoned him. Who truly loved him unconditionally?

Morgan had spent some time after the conversation in another room he had come across and just sat in whatever chair was available and pondered the situation. He wanted Chuck to survive this. To overcome this. He wanted Sarah to fully regain her memories and come to Chuck's aide and stick with him, and help heal him. He knew that together they could heal each other.

They were both broken souls in this big wide world. Both abused, abandoned, used, and broken by not only family members and friends, but co-workers, bosses, and strangers, and even worse their very own government.

As much as he wished it he knew Chuck and Sarah would never be the same after the events of the past year, but he wanted them to at least build a future. He desperately wanted that for his friend. Always had. Out of anyone Morgan had ever met, not met, seen on TV, or read in a paper, he truly felt Chuck was the most deserving of that.

He was brought out of his own reflections as Ellie walked quickly passed him and out of the room. He gave one last glance at Chuck before quickly following her. They entered the control room and Ellie began typing instructions into the computer console that was there. She pressed in a final sequence and a loud buzzing sound of whatever the machine was that would project the images sounded.

She stood up and handed him a pair of dark glasses which he promptly put on. He looked out the two way window and saw the lights dim in the room Chuck was in. Ellie reached down and turned on a monitor that had a direct line on Chucks face. He could see his eyes looking around wildly and it took all Morgan's will power to not try to stop the whole thing from happening.

Before that thought could continue though the room in front of them went dark for a second before being lit up brilliantly by hundreds of images flashing on each of the panels. The dizzying arrays of light were making him feel nauseated so instead he looked at the monitor.

Chuck's eyes were wide and flickering in all directions. He could see dark pinholes in the Irises as he absorbed the data contained within the images. Chuck's jaw was clenched tightly and he was ridged and stiff until finally he screaming in agony.

"Stop. You have to stop it." Morgan shouted frantically reaching for the keyboard in front of Ellie. She just reached down and held his arm away.

"No. Stopping it in the middle would cause more harm." She said simply, not taking her eyes away from the room in front.

Morgan covered his ears to help block out the horrible sound of terror and pain that was coming out of his best friend. He glanced at the screen on the left noting his vitas. He didn't know what any of them meant except for the heart rate which had gotten erratic and fast.

The whole process felt like it took forever but only took approximately ten minutes. Once the removal program was finished the lights in the other room shut off, bathing Chuck in darkness once more before turning back on to the plain florescent lighting. They watched as Chuck slumped as much as his restrained body would let him.

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"Project Omaha was the code name for the original testing on the Intersect. There's not much detail about the whole operation, it was top secret at the highest level." Casey said reading the file in front of him. He had pulled a lot of strings to get this and was sorely disappointed by the lack of helpful information.

"So they redacted the files." Mary huffed out, leaning against the table.

"Nope, didn't even go that far. There are no files at all. Nothing." He handed her the extremely thin folder of only a few dozen pages.

"Wouldn't Chuck have known that with the Intersect? He would have known there were no files on it so whatever he was hinting at must not have to do with the original testing." Carina joined in.

Sarah just stared in front of the monitor that was in front of her. She was watching the surveillance of Mika Barilos cousin. She knew Chuck wasn't going to show up on that. He was beyond capable of doing anything more. She shuddered thinking about his sickly appearance. He was very ill and he needed help. She was very glad Ellie was there with him, even if it was against her will.

"Why would they cover all this up? I mean, what's the point of not having files and such. Isn't the government big on that kind of stuff?" Devon asked confused. Casey just gave him an annoyed look.

"Because they don't want people to know. The Intersect project would give people access to all our secrets. They wouldn't want anyone to know that or the extent of their research. And if the Fulcrum experience is any indication, if they used test subjects there were probably a lot of deaths or people going crazy."

"Man, not Awesome. This whole project sounds like a bad idea and a waste of time and money." Devon stated. "Where did they do the testing at? Some kind of hospital?" Mary shifted through the file to see if there was some indication of where it was.

"There's not definitive location in here, but it does give a general area." She said holding up a piece of paper of a topological map of Northern California. Casey took it from her and looked at it thoroughly for a few minutes before turning it around pointing at a tiny speck surrounded by farms in the middle of nowhere.

"Right here. Underground most likely." Casey said handing the map back to Mary.

"Wow Casey. That's impressive." Devon said.

A chirping noise at the main console in the conference room began to beep startling all in the room. They quickly entered the room to see who was calling.

"It's encrypted probably the General." Sarah said keying it in so the General can conference. The image of General Beckman appeared on the largest screen in the middle, as usual not smiling.

"What's this I hear of Grimes going missing with Ms. McHugh?" She demanded getting right to business.

"Diane, Morgan was upset over the order to desist on the search for Chuck. He decided he would try to find him with Alex going along for supervision." Mary said in a placating voice. The General however was not having it.

"The strike force after Agent Bartowski is under orders to terminate without prejudice. Is there any possibility that he will find Bartowski or vice versa?" She asked. Nobody wanted to answer that, knowing already that Chuck was after Morgan for the computer.

"No General. We don't even know where to look. It is highly doubtful that Grimes would be able to locate him." Casey spoke up finally. General Beckman nodded her head in understanding.

"Very well. The strike force has everything you had now; this mission is over for you. Agents Miller and Walker, you are to return to Washington to await your next assignments. Your government thanks the rest of you for your assistance in this matter." She said brusquely. She was about to disconnect but was interrupted by Sarah.

"That's it? General with all due respect I feel I must stay here." She protested. Beckman quirked her eyebrow in Sarah's defiance.

"Agent Walker, this is not a suggestion this is an Order. You are to report to Langley tomorrow morning."

"I'm sorry General but I'm afraid I'm going to have to protest. I need to be here to search for Chuck."

"Are you defying orders Agent Walker?" Sarah took a deep breath schooling her emotions.

"Yes General. I'm afraid I am. I need to be here and find my husband."

"A husband you abandoned eight months ago you mean."

"To which the government took quick advantage of to drug and destroy him!" Sarah shouted at the General, all pretense of decorum thrown out the window. She will readily admit her part in this farce. But what happened between her and Chuck was a unique event causing them to be apart, her decision she'll recognize. But she will not stand there and let someone else place blame on her for destroying him the way they did.

"Agent Walker, You left Agent Bartowski to join the CIA again. As far as anyone is concerned you are no longer a part of this." Beckman said firmly, not giving in.

"Well regardless what you or anyone else believes, I am legally Chuck Bartowski's wife, and I hold you responsible for what happened to him. My responsibility is to be here, with my family searching for my husband and try to save him before you succeed in finally killing him. And if the CIA or NSA doesn't agree, then I'm afraid I'll have to hand in my resignation." With that Sarah turned around not waiting for a response and walked out of the room. General Beckman had a hard time covering her smile before finally ending the conference.

"I believe the General may be rooting for team Charah." Devon said breaking the silence. Casey rolled his eyes and grunted, walking away before he backhanded Devon for that comment.

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A/N next post weds/thurs. I'm thinking of doing a long one-shot or something about Chuck and Ellies lives growing up on their own. I havent seen many stories like that and i'm facinated by it. Any thoughts?


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

His head pounding and pulsing was the first sense that came to life bringing him out of the darkness. He could feel it pulsing in time with his heart beating which he felt in every vein throughout his body. He wasn't exactly sure where he was or what had happened, just that he was floating around in blackness with pulsing pain. He could feel someone holding his hand, rubbing his arm, brushing his hair from his forehead. He felt the trail of pain as each touch physically left the spot on his body but he continued to feel it afterwards.

After what felt like eternity he could smell something faint coming from nearby. A slight perfumey scent of flowers.

Ellie.

It was Ellies favorite shampoo. He remembered while he was getting supplies before grabbing her and Clara and he had grabbed a bottle for her so she would at least have some sense of home. He could smell the scent of her soap as well, as well as other strong stringent smell of disinfectant.

The next sense to come alive was his hearing. It came back slowly at first sounding like a tunnel, muffled and far away. It came clearer suddenly scaring him. He felt every sound throughout his whole body in beat with the pulsing of his veins and heart. Nothing made sense as it surrounded him. He opened his mouth to scream out in pain but no sound came out of him.

Not long after he felt a sharp prick in his arm followed by the flooding of coldness starting from the prick and spread throughout his body numbing him as is went. Eventually it reached up into his mind where he was and everything went silent, he couldn't smell Ellie near him any longer and the pulsing of pain slowly faded until he was just left in pure darkness and relief.

XXXXX

"Is it really wise to keep him doped up like that? I mean doesn't he already have a drug issue?" Morgan asked Ellie from the doorway of the room. He had been scared and horrified when Chuck had opened his mouth to scream but all that would come out is strangled whimpers and sobs. Ellie stood up straight, putting syringe away and looking down at her brother.

It had been two days since the Intersect had been removed from his brain. Once the lights came back on and they rushed into the room he was in they were both relieved to feel a pulse, though it was weak and thread. They quickly loaded him onto a gurney and took him to another room that was equipped with medical equipment.

Ellie had been both shocked and relieved by the amount of things that government had left in the facility. A few days before the removal she had given Chuck a list of things she would likely need to treat him, things that wasn't over the counter or even available in the pharmacy. He came back with everything on the list which surprised her since you'd need to be in a hospital to do so. But she didn't ask.

The first day after the Intersect removal he was out on his own. The only sign of life was rapid breathing and eyes fluttering behind his eyelids. She worried that he was flashing but noted the difference in appearance from now and his flashing face. The second day he was obviously in pain, the withdrawal from the Laudanol taking full effect. He hadn't had a dose in over 36 hours. His entire body had broken out in sweat and his temperature rose. His heart rate spiked to dangerous levels. Ellie had injected him with a counter drug used for heroin users in rehab and then put him in a drug induced coma.

Morgan has been sitting with him when he started coming out. She hadn't expected him to come out of the coma on his own but somehow the drugs worked their way through his system faster than expected. She grabbed the washcloth that was next to the bed in a bowl of ice water, ringing it out she mopped it across his forehead. She was worried they may need to put him in an ice bath if they couldn't get his temperature down soon.

"Ellie, you're tired. Why don't you go get something to eat and then nap with Clara?" Morgan said coming up to her. He reached for the wash cloth in her hand and she let him take it. She was tired, exhausted really. She'd spent the past two days next to Chuck. Even now she didn't want to leave.

"Yeah. You're right." She said, letting out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "I'll go grab something to eat and then I'll come back and nap in here. I want to be close in case something else happens." She said. She rubbed Morgan's arm for a second before turning away and exiting.

Walking down the hall to the employees' lounge where they had decided would be the kitchen and living room she smiled at seeing Clara sitting quietly in front of the TV there. Chuck had acquired a DVD player and a whole library of Disney movies to which she would sit quietly and watch all day. Her behavior baffled the hell out of Ellie. The little girl hadn't been outside in a couple of weeks, Chuck saying it's not safe to be seen, but she seemed content to just sit quietly playing, watching her movies, or just sit with the adults.

Not that she didn't get any play time to be a kid. Chuck had set up an indoor jungle gym of sorts in which she was allowed to run around, climb, and scream to her hearts content, getting her energy out. But for the most part the little girl had seemed to know that something wasn't right and was on her best behavior when possible.

"Hey Ellie, I made some spaghetti, do you want some?" Alex said standing up from the table where she sat doing a puzzle. Clara looked away from her movie and noticed her mother. She quickly got up and ran to her, arms up to be picked up.

"Hi there monster." She said to the little girl, raising her above her head. Clara giggled and kicked out a bit flailing. The ding of the microwave and the smell of the warmed up spaghetti caused her stomach to growl angrily, reminding her that she hasn't eaten much lately. She lowered her daughter and carried her to the table where she sat with her on her lap.

"Thank you Alex." She said as Alex placed the bowl in front of her. She also placed a bowl of grapes in front of Clara so she would let her mother eat in peace.

"How is he doing?" Alex inquired sitting down across from them. "Morgan seemed freaked out not too long ago." Ellie nodded.

"Yeah, he came out of his coma and was in a lot of pain. But I put him back under. Hopefully he's alright." She took a bite of her food and chewed thoughtfully. "Though I'm worried about his temperature and the strain on his heart." She admitted. It was Alex's turn to nod then.

"Is this standard procedure for drug patients to withdrawal? Keep them in a coma?"

"No, not normally. But the problem is this drug is unlike any that's out there. It's completely untested so there's no data to assist with other then Chuck. And all we can get out of him is exaggerated mood swings and pain."

She was about to say more when an alarm rang from down the hall in Chucks room followed by Morgan screaming for her. She quickly dropped Clara on the floor and ran to the room. Chuck's heart monitor was spiked up going extremely fast and he was arched up in pain.

Ellie quickly reached into the drawer near the bed and grab a syringe and plunged it into his IV, placing an oxygen mask on his face. A few minutes later that felt like a lifetime to both Ellie and Morgan his heart rate lowered, not to a normal rate but to an acceptable one and he relaxed once more. Ellie let her breath out again, discarding the needle.

"What was that, what happened." Morgan said breathless, adrenalin pumping through him still from the panic.

"A heart attack. I figured he would end up having one, though I hopped not." Ellie said simply, checking over his vitals.

"But he's young! He works out. He's healthy. Yeah I mean he eats a lot of pizza but-"

"It's not just bad eating and lack of exercise Morgan. His heart's been irregular for months, it too has become unstable which is what caused it. He'll probably have a few more before it's over." Ellie said dismally. Morgan was quiet a few minutes thinking on what she had said.

"Will he be ok though?" he asked distressed at the news. Ellie thought for a moment. She's done practically nothing else but thinks on her brother's recovery and what will have to be done. It was a long road and it would be very difficult.

"Well, he definitely won't be able to be a spy anymore. And he'll need to give up his extreme sporting career, and will most likely never be able to go on carnival rides ever again but if he makes it through this, he'll be alrighty." She said optimistically.

"Well, that's something at least."

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Sarah paced back and forth the full length of the hallway at Castle. They had had the location of where Chuck most likely was for the past two days and she was anxious to get going. Carina had left that night back to Langley and the other four had spent the entire night coming up with a plan.

The mission had changed. Instead of a recovery they were going to infiltrate and assist Chuck. They were not going to bring him in. They were going to help where they could. Sarah had wanted to leave right away but both Mary and Devon had insisted they should be rested, unsure on what was there and what they would encounter.

What surprised her most was Casey agreeing with them, and then he had left Castle informing them he would be back within 48 hours and then they would ship out. Sarah didn't' even have enough time to protest before he was out the door.

So there she paced, waiting for Casey to finally show up.

While they waited Mary and Sarah had put together whatever they would need on the mission. Guns, ammo, knives, poisons, clothes, lines, ropes. Anything and everything they would need. They were off to war against the every intelligence agency in the US. Devon, had gone through the medical bay, inventorying what was there and packing what he felt they would need. He was quite impressed by it. They had just about everything an ER would have, but then again, they were spies and injuries requiring immediate attention were bound to come up.

After everything was packed Sarah had spent the rest of her time going over the plans in head. Including some plans that weren't exactly part of the overall plans that she hadn't mentioned to the others. Though she thought she should, something told her not to yet.

"We ready to go?" Casey's voice said from behind her. Sarah reached for her gun and turned around quickly aiming it at his heart. Casey just smirked at her.

"Jesus Casey." She said letting out a puff of annoyed breath as she lowered her gun. "You should know better than to sneak up on a spy."

"Yeah, just testing your spy skills Walker." He stated walking past her. He walked into the conference room where Mary and Devon both sat looking over reports again, passing time.

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Sarah stared out the window of the passenger side watching the scenery pass as the last trace of darkness evaporated into the light of the sunrise. They had all taken turns driving, not wanting to stop. They changed cars two or three times, switching directions and generally dodging anyone suspected of tailing them, but by the early morning it was believed that nobody was following them.

They only had another 30 or so miles to go before reaching their destination and Sarah was full of nerves, which scared her. She never remembered feeling so nervous so often but ever since the whole Nicholas Quinn thing last year she's been nothing but nerves. Nerves at her lost memories, of recovering them, of people around her knowing she didn't remember. Of every situation since she rejoined the CIA. But most importantly about Chuck.

They were heading directly into the fire with this. They were going after him. They had no idea what shape he was in, or what will happen but they decided they had to take a shot at it.

"We're almost there." Casey said, startling her from her own thoughts next to her. He had been driving for the past few hours, putting on his sunglasses as the dawn cast its bright glow on them. She looked behind her in the back seat, both Mary and Devon were in their own thoughts, headphones placed in their ears, staring out in the vast nothingness of the desert surrounding them.

"Do you think this is a good plan?" Sarah asked Casey after assuring herself that they had a little privacy. Casey was quiet for a few moments before answering.

"Do you not think so?" He shot back, glancing quickly at her. She just shrugged her shoulders in response, staying silent. "If you have any doubts Walker your time to back out is coming to a close very quickly. This is treason."

"Yeah, I know, it's not that." She said quietly.

"What is it then?" Sarah thought for a moment. She never, as far as she remembered had anyone to ever really voice concerns for. She learned that she eventually had Chuck, and to extent Ellie. But since Ellie's been gone the past few weeks, she's been alone again.

"I just don't know, about Chuck." She said softly. Casey just gave one of his signature grunts.

"Look, Walker. I know you're nervous, but trust me. I've seen you two grow for 6 years. Once you're together and the initial awkwardness is finished you'll be back to normal. Everything will be fine. Don't worry so much." He gave a grin then and she couldn't help but return it.

Casey slowed the car down to turn.

"Hey, guys, we're almost there." He said loudly, getting the others attentions. They drove slowly till they found the house in the middle of nowhere and a barn not too far off.

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An alarm sounded starting everyone. Ellie jumped up from the chair she had dragged into the room to be more comfortable while she watched over Chuck. She glanced at the monitors that were attached to her brother noting they were all fine, but still the alarm sounded.

She exited the room, going down the hall to the lab where she initially was brought. She saw Alex and Morgan standing in front of the monitors on the wall watching surveillance footage. She glanced at the screen her mouth gaping open at seeing who was there.

"Oh my god. Devon!" She shouted excitedly for a moment. Before calming down and feeling annoyance, remembering how he had kept her brothers condition from her. She saw Sarah crouch down by the door and pick the lock while the others hovered nearby.

"What should we do? Should we let them in?" Alex asked looking at the other two. They watched the screens as the other four poured into the barn and started looking around.

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"Do you think this is the vehicle Chuck's been using?" Devon asked coming closer to it. It was a nice car he noted. Casey glanced in the window of the back seat, noting Alex's sweatshirt there.

"Looks like Bartowski found Grimes." He grunted out.

A silent swishing sound startled them all as they looked at the north wall. It had opened revealing the stainless steel elevator.

"You do that Walker?" Casey asked. Sarah shook her head. They walked cautiously to the elevator, the spies pulling their weapons at the ready. Once they were all in with their gear the doors closed quickly and they felt the lurch of it lowering quickly. A few seconds later it stopped and the doors openly slowly, guns pointed at the ready, to shoot whatever danger may be at the other side.

But no danger awaited them, only Morgan Grimes, standing there waiting for him, a bright smile on his face.

"Hey guys!" He said enthusiastically.

"Grimes!" Casey grunted out, lowering his weapon and putting it away. "Where the hell is my daughter?" Morgan took a step back as Casey advanced holding his hands up in surrender.

"Easy there Casey. I had nothing to do about it. She came on her own uninvited by me." He said, still stepping back until Casey had him against the opposite wall.

"Dad! Leave him alone." Alex shouted appearing next to them. He backed up and grimaced at his daughters' glare, very proud that she could pull it off so well. "I know you're upset but he's right, it was my choice."

"That's all I want to know." Casey said finally, flicking Morgan's nose.

"Ouch, was that really-is that really necessary?" Morgan said holding his nose.

The rest of them came off the elevator tossing their gear on the floor around them. Devon stepped out from behind everyone and looked around before finally focusing on Morgan and Alex.

"Where's my wife and daughter?" He said sternly. He hasn't seen either for weeks and he was desperate to make sure they were ok. Morgan and Alex looked to each other before Alex finally answered.

"She's in the other room, follow me." With that she turned away from the group and walked through the door behind her.

The group picked up their gear and followed down the long hallway. Alex stopped at the door at the end and entered the sequence to be let in. The door opened revealing the lap and they all stepped in.

Devon looked towards the monitors on the wall, seeing Ellie standing there with Clara in her arms looking sternly. The little girl immediately saw her daddy and immediately began squirming and screaming and reaching out for him. Devon quickly made it across the room to his family and engulfed them. They all had tears in their eyes as they reunited.

"Oh my god Ellie. I'm so glad you're ok. Both of you." He whispered into her hair. Clara held on around his neck for dear life. Ellie pulled away slightly.

"Of course we're ok. Chuck would never hurt us." She stated firmly without conviction. Devon just shook his head.

"Babe, I don't want to fight, I'm just glad you're ok." He said going to embrace her again but Ellie stepped further away, letting go of Clara to allow Devon to hold the crying child.

"There's nothing to fight about Devon. We were always going to be fine. We were with Chuck." She said.

"Ellie, he kidnapped you! He's killed hundreds of people. He's a murderer." She said more fiercely

. Ellie grabbed Clara from his arms and put her on the floor before quickly getting up and slapping him. Devon took a step back in shock raising his hand to his stung cheek staring at his wife. Ellie stood in front of her husband, hand covering her mouth both in shock and anger, breathing heavily.

"Don't you ever say that about my brother again." She hissed out heatedly. Tears stung her eyes as she gasped for air, trying to hold in the sobs wanting to come out. Devon lowered his hand and put his hands on her shoulder drawing her close.

"The man he is now is not your brother Ellie. The man he is now is a monster, a killer, and a danger." He whispered to her. She just shook her head.

"No. no he's not. It wasn't him. It isn't him. It's that fucking drug and the Intersect. And it wasn't just innocent people. The people he did kill were evil people. Bad people. Out to hurt others and he stopped them." Her voice took on a pleading quality, she needed him to believe her, and believe in Chuck.

"Regardless it's still him. It's still his actions." Devon countered. Ellie finally pulled away from him full, staring him in the eyes.

"Yes, and he will have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. My sweet, caring, loving brother will have this on his soul till his last breath. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let those who care for him exacerbate that." With that she turned away full from him. She keyed in a code on a panel next to the door and left. Devon went to follow but was unable to, not knowing the security code.

Turning around he looked to Clara who was not where her mother dropped her but had gone off to a corner of the room that had a mountain of toys. She sat there quietly playing with some little horses, mumbling baby talk to herself. He looked up seeing the others who had watched the whole thing.

"Where did she go?" He asked Morgan and Alex. Again they looked to each other before answering.

"She's gone to be with Chuck." Alex said simply.

"Is he, I mean, where…" Sarah started, not sure what to asked exactly. Morgan placed a hand on her arm.

"He's not good. But he's alive." He said simply. Mary let out a sigh of relief behind him. "Would you like to see him Mrs. B?" Mary thought about it for a moment, she wanted to see her son but was actually afraid a little bit. She didn't want to lose him again.

"How about Sarah go first." She said simply. Sarah looked scared and nervous but Mary knew that she was anxious to see him.

"Alright. You ok here for a few?" Morgan asked Alex. She nodded she was.

"We don't need a babysitter Grimes. We're big kids." Casey growled. Morgan took a few steps back. Casey may be his friend but he was still a scary dude.

"Uh, yeah but if you like needed to go to the bathroom or something Alex would need to let you out and in." He explained.

"Why don't you give us the codes then Morgan." Mary cut in.

"No can do Mrs. B. Ellie said it would be best for now to give you limited access. For Chuck." He said. He turned around and motioned for Sarah to follow, not allowing the others to protest.

He entered the security code and opened the door. Sarah looked up and down the long hallway they entered and then followed Morgan. He stopped eventually in front of a large door, the blinds on the window were closed tight. He pressed another sequence in to the panel and a soft hiss unlocked the door. Morgan moved aside to allow her to open the door. Taking a deep breath she turned the handle and stepped into the room.

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A/N. wow this was a hard chapter to write. Nothing came together. *sigh* hope you enjoyed it thought!


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sarah took a deep breath and entered the room, bracing herself for what she might see there. Opening the door the first thing she saw was Chuck's form lying flat and still on a bed. She let go of the door handle bringing her hands up to cover her face. Closing her eyes she could feel her heart beat faster and fought to keep tears from fall from her burning eyes.

In her mind she struggled with the visions and memories of Chuck and her together, happy, healthy, loving. It was almost too much for her and she let out a stuttering breath, forcing herself in inhale again.

"Sarah?" A voice said softly. She quickly dropped her hands and opened her eyes. She saw Ellie on one side of Chuck bed, holding his limp hand. She had tears falling down her face. "Oh Sarah, I'm so glad you came." She said.

Sarah heard the soft click of the door being shut behind her. She glanced back to see that Morgan had left her alone with Ellie. She looked back at Ellie for a second before stepping closer to Chuck's other side. He looked pale and thin, and actually looked worse than when she saw him a few days ago.

"How is he?" She asked softly, staring at Chuck's wane face. Ellie sniffled and sat up a bit in her chair, glancing at all the monitors.

"He's, he's not good. But he's not absolutely terrible." She said honestly. Sarah gave a slight laugh at that. Reaching behind her she pulled the chair that was there forward so she could sit next to him. She traced the top of his hand lightly with her own before finally wrapping her fingers around it. His skin was hot to the touch.

"He looks dreadful." She said honestly. Ellie nodded.

"Yes, uh, He has fever of 101. Which is better than it was a few hours ago, it was up to 103. He had two small heart attacks, but I was able to stop it. I have him on meds to help prevent it further. He's in a lot of pain so I—"She stopped then, hiccupping a sob. Her eyes closed shut as she finally gave in to the stress and emotions that she'd been holding on to since she got here.

Sarah wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't good with displays of emotion but she had an urge to go over and hold the sobbing woman. But she didn't move from her spot, only tightening her grip on Chuck's limp hand. Ellie wiped the tears away as she finally got control of herself.

"I'm sorry; it's just been a stressful couple of days." She apologized. Sarah gave her a weak smile.

"Maybe you should get some sleep Ellie." She suggested, finally looking at her.

"No, not till Chuck is up. I can't leave him right now. I've cat napped here for the past few days." She said.

"You need sleep. Devon's here, he can watch Chuck." Ellie gave a bark laugh.

"No, Devon thinks he'll kill us all when he wakes. He'll probably kill Chuck himself or let him die." She said harshly. Sarah was surprised at the anger in her statement.

"You don't really believe that do you?" She asked. Ellie sat back finally and shook her head, taking a deep breath.

"Of course not. No. Devon wouldn't hurt a fly. He's a doctor, he wouldn't harm anyone. Especially Chuck, despite his opinions on him." She said.

"He's just concerned. You know he doesn't mean any of that stuff he said about Chuck. He's been so stressed over the whole thing, and worried about you and Clara."

"Yeah I know. But I don't want to hear it. I can't. Everyone keeps abandoning him, everyone but me and Morgan. And that's not going to change now." Sarah was silent, trying not to feel hurt at the sting of being in the category of abandoning him.

"He's lucky to have you two." She said, gulping down tears.

"He's my brother. " She said simply. "Not that family really means anything. I mean, our own parents abandoned us, so being sister and brother is really nothing." Once again Sarah was shocked at the bitterness in Ellies tone. The woman before her was nothing but forgiving and thoughtful, but right now, under the stress of it all she was cracking and letting her defenses fall.

"That's not true. Chuck puts a lot on family. You being his sister is everything to him." Sarah said. "You know, a few years ago, when Morgan was still dating Anna, they had broken up, and Morgan was, well, let's be honest It was stalking her. Chuck confessed to these bad guys that he what Morgan was doing, to save his life, because he was caught by them."

"Sounds like Morgan. He stalked me since he met Chuck." Ellie laughed thinking of all the creepy things Morgan had done over the years. Sarah joined her for a moment before getting back to her point.

"Anyways, he had come down the next day he came down to castle upset that I had made him choose between Morgan's life and his friendship, and he had said before we got there, and long after we've left, Morgan will always be his family. I didn't get it then, not till later when we thought…well that doesn't matter. But what does matter is family is everything to him Ellie." Sarah finished. Ellie sat across from her, tears still streaming down her face silently.

"You remembered that?" Ellie asked. Sarah nodded. "You've remembered a lot lately." She pointed out.

"Yes I have Ellie. And he doesn't just have you and Morgan." She paused, Ellie watched her intently. "He has me too." Ellie bowed her head at that.

"Sarah, are you sure?" Sarah was taken aback for a moment but opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to question you but this is so important. If you're here, and you say you're here for him and then leave, it'll devastate him. We've talked about this. This could very well be life and death."

"Yes, I'm sure." Sarah replied without any hesitation. "I want to be Sarah Bartowski again. That person from my memories, she's everything I secretly wanted in life. And Chuck, he, makes me feel safe." She was rewarded with a huge smile from Ellie. She had made the right decision.

They sat in a comfortable silence together, each lost in their own minds, the only sounds in the room were the machines hooked up to Chuck and the occasional sniffle from either of them.

"I don't really know where to go from here." Ellie confessed quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Chuck's recovery. I mean, if I were in the real world I would know exactly what to do. He would stay in the hospital for a few days, making sure there aren't any more complications before I ship his ass off to rehab." Sarah laughed a real genuine laugh for the first time in what feels like forever. Ellie had to join her, it was infectious. But a few moments later it got serious again.

"There is no rehab for him Ellie." Sarah said.

"Yeah, I know." Responded sadly. Sarah thought for a moment on if it was a good idea now to tell her what they planned. Looking at Ellies sad features she deiced it was the best time as ever.

"Well, we do have some sort of plan Ellie." She said softly. Ellie looked up surprised and if she wasn't mistaken a little relieved.

"Thank god. What is it?" She inquired eagerly. Sarah scooted her chair closer to Chuck leaning over him slightly and Ellie did the same.

"How much did Morgan tell you when he got here?" She questioned. Ellie thought for a moment considering everything that's been said during the week they've been there.

"Not much to be honest. I don't think Chuck allowed it." She finally answered.

"I'm sure he did it to protect you from the stress of it." Sarah consoled.

"Of course, that's our Chuck. Always looking out for others." She laughed.

"After you and Clara were taken General Beckman had been ordered to put together a strike force, and we were ordered to hand over all information we had to the leader."

"What's a strike force?" Ellie asked confused. Sarah didn't want to tell her, but she had no choice.

"It's an elite team that is put together for one purpose, hunt down and terminate Chuck without prejudice" She said simply. Ellie gaped horrified.

"So that's it? They drug my brother and then they order his death? And not only his but mine and my daughters as well? Anyone who is around?"

"Ellie please understand, it's-"

"Don't you dare fucking defend them Sarah Bartowski. I don't care if you can kill me I will take you down." Ellie threatened angrily. Sarah sat back a little at the force of Ellie's rage, though a small part of her leapt in happiness at being called Sarah Bartowski.

"No, never. What they did was wrong beyond anything in this world. But I do understand that Chuck has all the government's secret in his head and he's unpredictable, and he took two civilians."

"Yes, I know. I know. National security blah blah. I know. I just, right now, I just don't want to be understanding. I'm sorry Sarah. Right now, I want to be, and need to be angry, for Chuck." She said. Sarah reached out placing her hand on Ellies for a moment in understanding.

"That's good. He need someone who is 100% on his side. I'm glad it's you." She said honestly.

"Well I'm glad someone's thinking rationally then." Ellie laughed lightly.

"That's when Morgan left. Casey told him what we were ordered and he took off with Alex. If he had stayed he would have found out that we hadn't given up yet, but I think it worked out."

"Yes, very much so. I cannot even pretend to imagine how much more difficult this would have been without them. I mean, Alex has been with Clara non-stop while Morgan and I cared for Chuck. It was nice to have someone else to lean on for assistance." She was genuinely for the first time very glad to have Morgan Grimes around.

"He is a little gremlin but I really do adore the little bearded man." Sarah agreed. "As I'm sure you know Chuck came after your dads' computer. I begged him to let me come with him, but all he left us was a hint. He didn't believe me about my memories coming back. I think it was kind of a test at the same time." Sarah admitted.

"We never talked about you Sarah. He wouldn't have known. But if he had asked how you were I would have honestly told him I swear."

"No no, I know Ellie. Once we figured out what the clue was and where you were we had to come up with a plan." She paused for a moment trying to convey the seriousness of the situation, not that Ellie was taking it lightly.

"And what is this plan you all constructed." Ellie pressed after the silence stretched.

"We have to fake Chuck's death." She stated. Ellie was silent processing that. Sarah just stared into her eyes conveying that she was very serious about it. Ellie bowed her head again for a moment sitting back in her comfy chair.

"Ok, and what, why, and how." She simply asked. Sarah took a deep breath to being.

"The government is never going to let Chuck just walk away. Not right now. Even if it was proven the intersect was removed and he was completely cured they will terminate him. The best way for his survival is to kill him, in a matter of speaking." She said.

"Ok and how do you propose to do that?" Ellie asked curious.

"Well, once Chuck's able we need to move him out. Then we will leak information that he is here, and the strike force will most likely bomb the place." Ellie's mouth opened shocked. That did not sound like a good plan.

"And where will he go? There's not where he'll be safe!" She cried out alarm. Sarah gave her a patient look.

"Being a spy means there may be a chance you may have to disappear. Over the years I've collected and created alias and resources that will allow me to move around off the grid, untraceable. I have a cabin in Oregon by a lake that is hidden away. We decided it would be best to take him up there for a while before moving him someplace else." She explained.

"All of you? You're all coming with?" Ellie asked.

"We have to Ellie. After a while, when you're ready you can leave and go back to your life. When questioned you tell them about the cabin in Oregon and that you were held there and eventually escaped. Chuck and I will be gone by then."

"Wait, Chuck and you? Won't they be looking for you after Chucks supposed death?" Sarah waited a few minutes, thinking of the best way to explain.

"No, I'm going to be sure they know I'm here to when they blow up the facility."

"Sarah, I-"

"Don't Ellie. It's my choice. I'm tired of being a spy. I'm tired of being Sarah Walker, Langston's wild-card enforcer. Chuck believed in me, and saw around my barriers I put up. I want to be Sarah Bartowski again. I'm going to fake my death with my husband, and then spend the rest of my life with him learning how to live." She said with a finality in her voice. Ellie felt both elated and saddened.

"Sarah, Chuck, if he comes through this will not be the same Chuck. The mental strain of this whole situation, I can't even begin to really explain to you the complications of all this."

"I know Ellie."

"No I don't think you do know Sarah." Ellie said exasperated. Sarah was taken about by her sudden burst. Ellie bit her lip a moment trying to quail her emotions.

"Ellie, I'm prepared for it." Sarah said quietly.

"Sarah, Chuck, is going to be emotionally unstable for the rest of is life. He will have such highs and lows and in between all probably in a span of 10 minutes. He will be depressed, and overly happy, suicidal and overly loving. And they will be exaggerated beyond any reasonable expression. You are not an emotional person; you don't know how to handle them. You aren't prepared. For fucks sake he's murdered people! He'll be dealing with that as well, all the horrible things he's done. " She said sadly. Sarah sat and thought for a few moments before rebutting.

"Not yet, but if there's one thing the spy life has taught me it's to be prepared and think of your feet. I…I…" She wanted to say she loved him, but she was just discovering that for herself, and didn't feel ready to admit it out loud. Even to Ellie.

"And what about the physical? He's had two heart attacks, multiple injuries, his immune system is compromised. He'll be weak and probably sickly as well. HE inflicts pain on himself, slices his skin over and over again. Are you prepared to play nurse as well?" She practically shouted. She stood and held up the arm Sarah had been holding on to. She stared down at the marks that littered his paled skin. Sarah felt the tears gather in her eyes but she glared at Ellie with grim determination.

"I am Ellie. I'll be there for him. And he'll be there for me. I truly believe we can heal each other if we try." She said the last party softly, Ellie almost didn't hear her.

Ellie sat back in her chair suddenly very exhausted again. This whole thing was a mess. She didn't know if she could trust Sarah to her brothers' wellbeing. She wanted it to be choice though, and if he wished it then she would let it go. She wasn't prepared either for this whole thing. Finally Ellie came up with a compromise.

"Ok, let's alter the plan for now. Once we get to the cabin, perhaps you should spend time with him, and let him have the choice to run with you. See if it's going to work for you two." Ellie suggested. Sarah nodded her agreement.

"Ok. I can do that. You're right it should be his choice." She greed.

Ellie looked up at Chuck's face, seeing his brows furrowed and fresh sweat poor from his forehead. She could tell he was starting to wake up again, but instead of drugging him more she wanted him to come out of it this time. Glancing at Sarah she saw that she noticed as well Chuck's features. She debated telling her one more thing, which would help her on the future she was trying to have with Chuck.

"Sarah, there's-"She stopped a moment. Sarah looked at her intently.

"Do you remember the Volkoffs?" She asked. Sarah thought for a moment, searching through her memories. She remembered they had given her and Chuck their fortune for saving them. She nodded and Ellie continued.

"Casey had given Chuck rare brand new untraceable identities for you and him to start a new life." Sarah stared at her for a moment before remember.

"He gave them to Alexi and Vivian in exchange for the antidote." She said. Ellie was glad she remembered.

"Yes. Yes he did. Because he loves you. He'd rather be in prison for treason and know you're alive then let you die and run away." She wiped the tears from her face. "Anyways, shortly after Morgan got the Intersect, he came to me and he..." She paused for a moment again trying to get back under control.

"It's ok Ellie you don't have to tell me." Sarah said comfortably.

"No you need to know this. It's important." She said fiercely. "He came to me and told me he had planned for in case it's ever needed for you guys to escape. And not just you and him, but for all of us. Morgan, Alex, Me, Devon and Clara. He somehow acquired more of those new identities and he stashed those in hidden locations around the country with cash and other things we may need if we ever had to run."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. She didn't remember any of this. Had Chuck kept it from her? It didn't seem like something that he would, but then again, she didn't exactly remember everything about him.

"I don't remember any of that." She admitted. Ellie didn't look surprised.

"Yeah, he told me he hadn't told you yet. Or even if he was going to. He didn't want you to worry." She laughed a little at that. "I thought it was ridiculous when he said that. I told him, that you were a spy and if anything you'd think it was a grand romantic gesture." Sarah joined in with her.

"It would definitely have been up there in the top ten I admit." She said. Again they sat in companionable silence, watching Chuck squirm a little more waking.

"It will be a relief though knowing that he's going to be alright. At least you guys will be financially. One less thing to worry about." Ellie said.

A noise from Chuck caused them both alarm as they stood up and hovered around. Ellie checked all his vitals again, everything looked fine, and his temperature seemed to have dropped down to 100. His heart was still beating erratically but she was confident he wouldn't have much more complications on that front.

She grabbed the washcloth that was still sitting in a bowl of water on the table and mopped his face again, cleaning the sweat from him. Her heart beat faster as he moved his head slightly away and slowly fluttered his eyes opened.

"Chuck." She said firmly. His eyes fluttered more and he cried out in pain. Ellie instructed with her hand to dim the lights a bit and she followed, quickly coming back to Chuck's side. "Chuck honey. I need you to open your eyes." She looked up at the machine beeping more erratically informing her of his increased heart rate.

"Is he alright?" Sarah asked slightly panicked.

Chuck moved his face away from Ellie at the sound of Sarah's voice. He worked harder to open his eyes until they were finally able to stay open a little. She saw a mass of blurry blonde.

"Sa'ra" he said softly, attempting to focus his eyes more but unable too. Sarah smoothed the hair away from his forehead soothingly.

"I'm here Chuck." She said softly to him. He closed his eyes at the sound of her voice, his breathing becoming more erratic. He turned away slightly and breathed out a whimper of pain. Ellie began injecting his IV with something.

"What is that?" Sarah asked concerned. Ellie let it drop into the tube that will go into him.

"It's just a mild sedative and a little morphine to help with the pain." She said.

"M' dyin" he rasped out. Sarah ran her hand through his hair soothingly.

"No, you're not Chuck. You're just sick. You're going to be alright soon." She soothed. He opened his eyes again staring at her almost afraid to believe her to be an apparition that will quickly disappear.

"Why." He whispered. She wouldn't have heard it if she hadn't been hunched so close to him. She sucked in a sob.

"You gave me the clue, and I remembered. And I connected it. And I came for you. Remember? 'Save You Later.'. We would say that each time we parted ways on a mission." She couldn't control the tears that began to fall from her eyes and land onto Chuck.

Chuck struggled to bring his hand up, his entire arm feeling like led. He cupped her face and she pushed into it, feeling the comfort. She could see tears starting to form in his own eyes so she reached out and gently wiped them away.

"M' so sorry." He mumbled to her. She could tell by the way his eyes were starting to drop that whatever Ellie gave him was really starting to take effect, but she didn't want to let go now. She wanted to look more into his beautiful light brown eyes.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. " She whispered back to him. She leaned over, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead; she removed his hand from her face and gave it a reassuring squeeze, standing up again over him she looked directly at him. "You rest now Chuck. I promise I will be here when you wake up again." She said to him. He closed his eyes momentarily before forcing his eyes opened one last time.

"Promise?" He mumbled sleepily. She squeezed his hand once more, leaning down to his ear.

"I'm not going to leave you again." She stated firmly. By the time she rightened herself he had fallen back to sleep. She reached out and gently wiped the remaining tears from his eyes as she watched him sleep.

"That's good." Ellie said across from her. Sarah finally looked away from Chuck's face and at Ellie.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"It's good he saw you. I don't know if he believes you are real but it's a start Sarah." She told her. Sarah just stared back at Chuck, squeezing his hand some more. She wished he would wake up again.

"Look, he'll be out for at least four hours. Why don't you get cleaned up and have a meal and then you can nap in my chair." Ellie suggested. Sarah thought about it, not wanting to leave him quite yet. "It's comfortable I promise." She tried enticing.

Sarah relented and gave one last looked before exiting the room. Closing the door behind her she leaned against the wall next to it breathing deeply. She felt overwhelmed by everything and wasn't sure how to process it. She slid down the wall slowly till she was sitting on the ground with her knees brought up burying her face.

She finally let all her pent out frustrations come out in tears.

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The End

Just Kidding.

A/N. There. Some Chuck/Sarah interaction. Anybody else fascinated with how long Zachary Levi's legs are? I mean, that man is ALL leg and i find it terribly distracting and interesting and *drifts off*


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Sarah sat by Chuck's bedside an hour later. She had decided to take up Ellies advice and had taken a long hot shower as well as gotten something to eat. She had spent a few minutes just walking up and down the long hallway outside Chuck's room, testing the doors that were there, unable to open any before finally relieving Ellie of her position.

She curled up in the surprisingly comfortable chair and put her hand on top of Chucks. Lying back with the blanket that was there she intended on dozing but was unable to quiet her mind. It was racing with everything that's happened in the past few days. Everything seemed to be going in fast motion at the same time holding still.

She couldn't believe she was now here with Chuck. The long road of eight months separation and several months searching for him had finally come to an end. She sighed contently looking over at Chuck. The machines monitoring his vital beeped, whirled, and whistled silently as he slept. Ellie had told her the treatment was very unconventional, that normally they wouldn't keep a drug addict asleep while they detoxed but she wasn't sure what the detox would do you him.

Ellie had told her before she left the room that Chuck would be waking in the next couple hours. That he would be disoriented and most likely in a lot of pain and to call her right away. She wasn't going to keep drugging him after this, believing that after almost three days the drug itself should be for the most part out of his system, though there would still be traces if tested.

So Sarah sat there for the next few hours just going over the plans in her head and remembering where all her alias and such were stashed for when they finally went away. She thought about the new identities that Chuck had gotten for them. Those were not cheap and they were very very rare, how he was able to obtain some of them was a miracle she intended to ask him some day.

He had resisted in the past running away and going off grid, having a life and family to rely on. But now she hopped that he would finally give in and takes off with her. She knew and so did he that he would be hunted for the rest of his life, and she if she disappeared would automatically be presumed to be with him, making them two targets instead of one.

No, letting the government think they were dead and going completely off grid was the best option. She was ready for a quiet boring life being a wife now instead of chasing down bad guys and in all honesty, running from reality.

A sudden movement and sound caused her to jump slightly. Looking up from where she was staring she looked to Chuck seeing him roll his head to the other side. She squeezed his hand tightly, letting him know silently that she was still there with him, hoping it would calm him and let him wake on his own. She felt his weakened fingers squeeze back lightly bringing a small smile to her face.

Eventually Chuck's eyes fluttered once more and she stood up to be closer to him, running her hand through his hair comforting him. His eyes finally opened slightly, the lights in the room still dimmed as to not hurt his eyes so much. He seemed surprised to see her but had yet to say or do anything. She just smiled down at him, hoping it would help him.

"You're real." He said simply, sounding unbelieving. She gave a soft laugh and nodded her head.

"Yes, I am. You can't hide from me Mr. Bartowski." She joked. He gave a weak smile that turned out to be more of a grimace. He blinked his eyes but they had trouble coming back up and fluttered several times. She was fascinated by the darkness of his lashes against his paled clammy skin.

"I'm glad you came." He whispered out. Before she was able to respond his body stiffened for a moment, back arching before falling back into place leaving him breathless. He panted hard and cringed his eyes in obvious pain.

"Chuck…" She said, placing her had on his cheek tapping it gently. He opened his eye for a second to look at her before closing them again as his body convulsed more violently. He bit his lip in order to prevent any sound coming out but she could tell the pain was increasing.

"I'll be right back Chuck, I'm going to get Ellie." She said. She didn't wait for a response as she released his hand and he immediately balled the sheets in his fist.

Sarah ran out of the room and down the hall, slamming the door to the employees lounge open quickly startling everyone in there. They all stopped what they were doing as she frantically looked around for Ellie.

"What is it honey." Mary finally said noticing her appearance.

"Where's Ellie? Chuck's in pain." She said hurriedly. Devon stepped in front of her.

"I convinced her to relax and clean up some. What's the problem." He asked concerned. Sarah just shook her head, not wanting to get Devon involved knowing his feelings about Chuck at the moment.

"I just need Ellie." She stated before turning around. Devon looked at the others a second before he quickly followed her. Sarah had reached the door to Chuck's room before quickly turning around causing Devon to bump into her.

"Whoa, Sarah, we need to-"

"No you stay here or go get Ellie." She said, not standing down to him. Devon looked exasperated.

"Come on Sarah, let me help, Chuck needs-"

"No. I heard what you said about him. You'll just as soon kill him as help him if it will get your wife back." She said angrily. Devon matched her anger at that.

"Regardless of how I feel about Chuck right now he's still sick and he's my wife's brother. I would never do anything to harm him. And even if he wasn't her brother I'm a doctor and I took an oath." He stated with as much authority as he could, staring down the spy. She stared right back but a loud moan from Chuck's room caused her to release it and quickly run in.

Devon followed on her heels and quickly switched to doctor mode. Looking at all the vitals he noted how erratic they were. He picked up a legal pad that sat on the table next to the bed that looked to be what Ellie substituted as a patient chart. Noting the meds and stats with times he quickly dug through the drawer behind him grabbing a syringe of morphine.

Sarah was alarmed at Chuck's appearance. He had curled up on his side in a fetal position unable to move save for whimpers and moans. She went to run her fingers threw his hair that was wet and tangled from sweat, but he pulled away from her quickly shaking violently as he tried to unravel himself from the blankets and his position.

Devon grasped the tubing that was attached to Chuck and was about to inject the morphine into it but Chuck quickly ripped the need from his hand and pulled the tubing hard and out from where it hung quickly lunging at Devon and wrapping it around him.

In surprise by his quickness and strength Devon dropped the syringe on the ground, it lay there close by to where he landed hard on the floor with Chuck on top of him. Sarah broke out of her shock to come around the bed to help but was shoved hard away, hitting the wall. She was disoriented for a moment before getting up again in time to see Chuck pick up the syringe and plunge it into Devon.

Horrified Sarah got back to her feet and reached for Chuck, but growling, a sound she's never heard before from him he stood up quickly and ran out the room. Stunned she followed him but he was nowhere to be found. She went up and down the hall, trying every door none would budge.

"Sarah honey, what's wrong?" Ellie said coming up behind her, a towel wrapped around her wet hair.

"Chuck escaped." She said quickly going to the next door, pounding it hard when it didn't budge.

"What, where is he? What happened?" Ellie said alarmed.

"He was in pain and I went to find you but Devon followed me instead and then Chuck attacked him and ran out and now I can't find him." Ellie just nodded and walked further down the hallway ignoring all the other doors.

After turning to the right at the end she turned the knob of a door and opened it slightly. It was dark inside but the moment she entered she could hear Chuck's rapid breathing and quiet moans. He sounded like a wounded animal and it took all her willpower to not just barge in and save him.

She allowed Ellie to go in first, pulling out a small flashlight she had in her pocket. Turning it on she slowly scanned the room finally settling at the on Chuck in the farthest corner from the door. Sarah was alarmed to see him laying curled on the floor, he had something sharp and was jabbing himself with it. Blood poured from his arm and spread on the floor.

"Oh my god! What is he doing?" Sarah gasped and went to stop him. Ellie held her back by grabbing her arm and Sarah looked at her shocked an annoyed.

"Don't rush at him. He could turn violent again." She said simply. She pushed Sarah behind her slightly and reached into her pocket grabbing a syringe. She walked slowly towards him in as much of a non-threatening manner as she could.

Chuck didn't notice her advancement till she was near him, still out of arm's length. She had gotten on the floor and was slowly crawling towards him.

"Hey Chuck." She said very softly, smiling at him. He stared at her alarmed but made no attempt or indication of moving so she scooted al little bit closer. "Oh honey, look at what you did. Let me help you." She said indicating his arm. He looked down for a second before looking back at her expressionless, eyes dull and empty. Sarah took a few steps closer but Ellie raised her hand behind her indicating for her to stop.

Reaching out slowly for Ellie was able to grasp his hand, she squeezed it slightly trying to convey comfort.

"Chuck, I know you hurt, please let me help you." She said, tugging on his hand a bit. He sat up then and she scooted closer wrapping her arms around him. He shook violently and breathed hard and he held on to her for dear life. She held him close and rubbed his back gently, making soothing noises she does for Clara when she's upset.

"I know you're in a lot of pain right now." She whispered into his ear a few minutes later. His only response was to hold on tighter. "I want to give you something Chuck, which will help ease the pain ok?"

A few beats passed before he nodded into her shoulder. Sarah just stood behind them at the door watching the display. She was so confused and lost over everything that was happening, she was feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. Ellie pulled back from him slightly so that she could look him in the eye.

"Chuck. It's in a need, I need to inject it. It will hurt a second but it will ease the pain you're feeling now ok?" She asked him. Again he nodded a few minutes later. Slowly she brought the needle in front of him for him to see. He watched it warily as she uncapped it.

She pointed it at his arm to inject it but Chuck reached his own hand up to stop her. Sarah stood at attention at that, ready to spring into action if he tried to attack Ellie. He looked deep into Ellies eye before taking the needle from her. Ellie's heart pounded, not quite sure if that would be a great idea but letting him have control none the less.

Chuck took the need from her, and plunged it into his arm, grimacing as it pierced his skin, not taking his eyes off of his sister. His lids fluttered slightly and his eyes became more dazed as the relief the morphine gave started to take effect. The syringe dropped to the floor as he became boneless and collapsed gently onto Ellie, where she held him as tightly as possible until she felt he was fully out.

Sarah approached them, sitting down on the floor next to Ellie, finally running her fingers through his hair. She was alarmed by the amount of blood on the floor and looked at Ellie for reassurance.

"Do you think it was the intersect?" She asked warily. Ellie just shook her head gently, not wanting to disturb Chuck.

"No, the intersect was much worse. I think this is just regular withdraw. Based from the cuts all over his body I believe he used harming his self as a way to control pain as well as a way of self-punishment." Ellie explained. That didn't make Sarah feel and better.

"He was almost like, animalistic. It was frightening." She admitted finally.

"The Laudanol suppressed emotions and made the user stronger. I'm going to guess he was in a lot of pain and was scared, both which is exaggerated a great deal because of the drug." She paused in her explanation looking straight at Sarah. "This is probably how he'll always be for now on. You just got a taste of what you will be dealing with if you stay."

The two of them said nothing after that. The dark seemed comforting after all the drama that's taken place, the only sound was Chuck's breathing which was still rapid and broken by whimpers and shaking.

"So, what happened with Devon?" Ellie asked finally remembering Sarah said Chuck attacked her husband.

"Oh, uh, Chuck tackled him wrapped some tubing around him then shot him up with morphine." She said simply. Ellie just nodded, seemingly impressed by her brother. "You're not mad at Chuck are you?"

"Me? Oh no no. I'll chop it up to payback. The way Devon's been acting…" She trailed off, angry still at Devon's reaction to the whole thing. Sarah understood her anger but also understood Devon's side. She hated to see them at odds.

"Don't blame him Ellie. He loves you, and he's worried. Chuck did kidnap you guys, and is very unpredictable." Sarah said. Ellie didn't say anything. "I would be the same way if it were in his shoes." She added.

"I know." Ellie breathed out. "I'm not really mad at him. I'm not really. I just, the things he said about Chuck. I know they were in anger and worry but it still hurt. Chuck has loyalty with a lot of people because of the man he is, but I'm his sister. I was his first friend ever. We, were so close even before our parents abandoned us, and became even more so afterwords. I love Devon with all my heart but he knows that he's always going to be #3 to me, and I hated hearing those things about him from someone I love so much." She admitted. Sarah thought for a moment.

"I'm guessing Clara is #1 and Chuck's #2." She teased. Ellie laughed.

"Yeah. Only way Chuck gets displaced is with my children. And his." She looked at Sarah then. Sarah had to look away, trying not to blush at the thought of having children with Chuck.

"I think we should get him more comfortable. I'll go get Casey and have him help us move him." Sarah offered standing up slowly.

Ellie sat there in the silent darkness alone with Chuck while she waited. She held him tighter, burring her face in his hair. She tried to stop the tears but she couldn't, they fell down as she cried. Not just for Chuck but for everything that's happened and the fear of what's to come.

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"I think we need to start considering heading out soon. The longer we stay in one place missing the easier it will be for them to find us." Casey said at dinner a few nights later. They were all seated in the employees lounge area at the table.

It had been a rough couple of days. Devon was not happy when he woke up from being drugged with morphine but he cooled down quickly enough. After being sure that Chuck was alright and down for the count for a while, she left him in Sarah's hands and sat with Devon. Once he finally woke up they talked.

Devon understood Ellies point of view and she saw his point. He knew he would never win where Chuck was concerned but he made sure that she was aware that he was there for her no matter what. Still Ellie wouldn't let him assist with Chuck's treatment. The only people allowed to see him other than Ellie was Sarah and occasionally Morgan. She had offered the others once to see him but they all declined. They were welcome too but would not have free reign.

"Is he stable enough to move just yet?" Mary asked concerned, though agreeing with him.

"He's doing better than expected. He's still in a lot of pain, and spasms a lot but he's been on less and less morphine each time. It's manageable at this point." Ellie stated.

"Good, we should move out tomorrow then. " Casey said, but Ellie shook his head.

"It's too long a journey up to Oregon. He needs another couple days, or at least better transportation. The back of a car is too rough, he needs to be laid down and I need to be able to work on him if something should happen." Casey grunted in annoyance but knowing she was right.

"Ok so we steal a van. No biggie." Morgan jumped in sitting back arms crossed in front of him. Everyone stared at him in disbelief that he was so naive.

"No Morgan sweetie. The best plan is to transport him by car for a bit before purchasing a van using cash." Mary said placating.

"Oh, I guess that makes more sense." Casey rolled his eyes before continuing.

"Fine, we wait one more day and then we transport him out at night. Ellie, Clara and Sarah will travel via Alex' car until they get far enough away to purchase a van and head to the cabin. The rest of us will head back to Burbank-"

"Wait, no way am I leaving Ellie and Clara again. I'm going with them." Devon protested right away.

"Sweetie that's not a good idea." Ellie said.

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you alone again not with-"

"Don't fucking say it Devon." Ellie warned angrily. They may see each other points of views but they still had their own outspoken opinions.

"It's not a good idea Devon. We need you in Burbank to help with the cleanup." Mary said. Morgan looked confused again. Before her father could spit some remark about Morgan's brain capacity Alex stepped in.

"Remember Morgan, for Chuck's funeral and such." She said. Morgan face palmed.

"Right. That's going to be so sad." He said.

"Anyway." Casey growled glaring at Morgan. "We'll wait 24 hours before placing a secure call that will be leaked to Walker attempting to get her location. It will be traced to here where she'll tell me she found Bartowski and mention the security that way instead of infiltrating they'll just go for the bombing."

"This is a very scary plan." Morgan said, deeply enthralled as if Casey was telling him a story. It was silent a few moments before Mary cleared her throat and continued.

"We're sure that Diane will most likely notify us of their 'death' at which time we shall begin the act of grieving friends and family." She said.

"But what about Ellie and Clara? How long will they be gone?" Devon asked concerned. Ellie sat up and grasped his hand.

"It will be ok Devon. It's only for a few months, Chuck needs me and he needs medical care and I'm the best for him right now. It's a good cover."

"It's good until they start looking for you and find you with two felons that are supposed to be dead." He countered, Ellie removed her hand and glared at him.

"I'll insist along with Mrs. Bartowski that we head up the search for you, since we know him the best. We'll take off and fake searches for a while and eventually join them in Oregon." Casey said. Devon did not look happy.

"So I'm just supposed to go to work and pretend nothing is wrong? That my wife and daughter are missing when I know exactly where they are."

"If you disappear too that's one more clue on that they are not dead. This Chuck's best chance to escape Devon. Do you not understand that? The government fucked him up and will stop at nothing to clean up that mess. This is the only chance my brother has to live and damnit you will give this to me!" Ellie yelled. Devon was silent a few moment trying to think of his counter argument while shocked that she yelled at him.

"Ellie, I understand, it's-"

"No, Devon. You don't understand. My brother will be fleeing for his life and I will be come back to you, with Clara, to our lives. Our jobs, our family, our friends. He's going to be out there with Sarah only. And while I'm sure and confident that she will be great for him…I don't know when or if I'll see my brother again." She had to stop as the emotions and the realization of what was going to happen overtook her. "He's leaving and I can't see him. He's supposed to be dead. He's going off. You can't understand. I'm losing him!" She sat there with her face in her hands, shoulders shaking from tears. Devon reached out for her but she just brushed him up and stood up quickly, exiting the room.

It was silent as everyone contemplated what had happened and what will be happening. The realization of the situation was suddenly becoming very real. And it would all be happening very fast. They only had one chance to pull this off and they each hoped that they could without any complications.

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A/N YAY! another chapter. See how I did not leave it as a cliffhanger? that's because I'm sorry to say, I'll probably not get another chapter out till like the 2nd or 3rd of June. Why? I hear you cry from your computer screens. Because Work. Yes kids Work. With the chance of California Chrome being the first triple crown winner in over 30 years work has been CRAZY! and will only get worse. So I'm sorry for that delay, IF i get a chance of course i'll work on it but dont hold your breath unless you're a smurf.

Love MissMonk


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"I'm sorry about Devon." Chuck said weakly to his sister who sat in her usual chair near his bed. She grasped his hand tightly and smiled.

"Don't worry about it Chuck. He's fine. I'm more concerned about you." Ellie replied. It had been two days since the incident one day since the decision on what to do next. Ellie had stayed next to Chuck the whole time monitoring him, only taking breaks when Sarah was in the room, which wasn't difficult since she practically never left.

She was pissed off still at Devon. She knew he was just worried, that he did love Chuck too, and just wanted her and Clara safe, but she felt like he just didn't understand. And she couldn't blame him. He had his parents and brothers his whole life. He had people to rely on and take care of him. He had a normal childhood full of love and support, never really having to worry about much aside from normal kid/teenager stuff.

She on the other hand only had her brother. Of course she had her mother back now, and she had Clara. But she was still hurt and angry at her mother for leaving them. She had raised Chuck and he was like her child in every way but biological, and she was about to lose him.

"Where are you?" Chuck's raspy voice broke through. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts and looked back at him with a smile.

"I'm right here silly. With you." She said. Chuck gave her a knowing look but didn't press the issue. They were silent for a few moments just being in each other's company. Once he started waking up Ellie suggested that Sarah not be there for a while, give her a chance to talk to him and see where he was mentally and emotionally.

She had explained all that had happened since the Intersect removal. His physical condition, the arrival of the others, Sarah, the plan once he's more stable. He had taken it all in stride, simply nodding and not interrupting her. She was surprised by his demeanor but continued her explanations. Through the whole thing she had watched him grimace, shake, spaz. The withdrawal was still happening but at least the pain seemed to be more tolerable now, but she was waiting for the fall out of it all.

They have yet to test if the Intersect was still intact. She was fairly sure most of it was gone but she wasn't sure all of it was and she didn't think testing him now would be a good idea with his weakened state. Over the past week of this whole thing, he had become more and more frail. He had just woken up for the first time coherent. She had attempted to feed him some broth but he had only been able to take a few spoonfuls before he had to stop.

"So we're leaving soon?" He asked, getting her mind back in the game.

"Uh, yeah. Sarah has a secret cabin place in Oregon. This is the best option we have Chuck." She said. He was silent for a few moments, eyes closed tight. His body spasm for a few seconds before stopping. He opened his eyes slowly, breathing deeply.

"And after you save my life after faking my death what is to become of me then?" He asked quietly. Ellie was confused by the question.

"You get well again and live." She answered. Chuck gave a sad smile at her, thinking her naive. They were quiet for a long stretch of time. Ellie wasn't sure what to say to break it so she just ran her fingers over his cold ones soothingly, like she used to do when he was sick as a child.

"Why did you save me?" Chuck whispered. She almost didn't hear it, but the words caused her spine to tingle in alarm.

"What do you mean Chuck? You're my brother. I love you." She said plainly as if it were obvious. Chuck took his hand from hers and laid it on his chest.

"You should have just let me died Ellie. There's no life for me." To say Ellie was stunned would be an understatement. She hadn't expected this from him.

"Isn't this why you brought me? To save you? To help you?"

"No, I brought you here to protect you until I died." The words stunned her speechless. She stood up and paced the room a bit to quail her emotions to prevent her from doing or saying something she would regret. Finally she sat back down in her chair, grabbing his hand.

"Chuck, don't ever ever say that again. You're sick, very sick, but you're not going to die. I wouldn't and won't let you. You are too important to me to just let you go." She said furiously.

"Ellie, there is no life for me left. You have to go back with Devon. I'm sorry I dragged you into this." He apologized sadly.

"Oh, Chuck, how could you say that? It's true, I won't be with you. I will go back with Clara to Devon, but not until I know you'll be ok." Ellie kissed his hand and held it tightly in both of hers.

Chuck couldn't look at her, all he could concentrate on what the pressure that was building in his chest. His sinus' crumping up as he tried to hold away the tears he knew was wanting out. He wished he wasn't so weak, he would get up and walk away from her but he was confined to the bed at the moment.

"I can't do it Ellie. Even during the whole, you know, the only thing that kept me going was the knowledge was it wouldn't last forever. It would end. Either by the drugs, the Intersect, or by someone finally catching up to me." He paused breathing heavily; the alarm attached to him started beeping as his heart rate increased.

"Chuck, calm down sweetie. You need to lower your heart rate and blood pressure." She said soothingly. She ran her hand through his mangy hair trying to calm him. She didn't like where this was going but she had to calm him down before he hurt himself. Chuck closed his eyes, and took some deep breaths concentrating on his breathing. He held his breath as stabs of pain wracked through his body.

It went on like that for a good twenty minutes. They sat in silent listening as each of the alarms on the machines calmed down along with Chuck himself. He had yet to open his eyes and Ellie thought he had finally fallen back to sleep. She thought about his comments on his own death. How he had known it was a matter of time. She was alarmed by how saddened he was that she had actually saved him. Yes, he will never have the life he had before. He will forever be physically weakened and an emotional wreak but he was at least alive.

"Why didn't you tell me about Sarah?" He asked her, startling her from her thoughts once more. She chided herself for being so consumed by her own thoughts lately.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused. Chuck opened his eyes then.

"About her memory coming back. That she was remembering" He said plainly.

"Oh. That." She said thinking. She didn't really try hiding it from it; it was more like it never came up. "You never asked about her Chuck. And you had other things to worry about so I didn't see the point." She explained.

"But she's remembering Ellie. She's remember me, us." He held back a sob at that, the alarms rising again. Ellie stood up again, this time turning the alarms off. She sat on the edge of the bed and he scooted over slightly allow her more room.

She had wanted to do this since she arrived. Even since seeing him again. She just wanted to take him in her arms and hold him safe and never let him go. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, hugging him close, cradling him and he pressed his face into her shoulder.

This was the closest she's really been to him in a non-medical capacity. She held him tight, alarmed at being able to feel the sharp angles of his body from the lack of fat on his bones. She was afraid if she squeezed him too tightly she would break something, but he held her tightly so she assumed she wasn't hurting him. They entwined their legs together for more comfort and she felt his body shudder against him. She couldn't tell if it was from his crying or something else, but it broke her heart.

She held him like that for a while, making soothing noises and rubbing circles on his back like she did to Clara when she was upset, like she did to him when he was a child upset. She had to bite her lip to hold in a sob remembering the years of pain he had suffered for various things.

"What is she doing here Ellie?" He finally asked her as he calmed down. She took a moment before answering.

"She's here for you Chuck. As you said she is remembering. She wants to be with you." She whispered to him, giving him a slight squeeze.

"She's just going to leave again. I'm broken. "He stated, voice cracking at that statement.

"I don't think so Chuck." She said. "I have a good feeling about it. She seems ready for it. She wants to give you guys a chance again."

"She won't want me. I've done terrible things. I'm a monster. "The last part was whispered so softly she wasn't sure she heard it. She pulled away from him slightly, head laying on the pillow next to him to look into his brown eyes.

"Listen to me Chuck; she's done terrible things too. She's broken too. And you still love her. I know you do. And honestly, I truly believe that even though she hasn't said it out loud, at least not to me, and probably not to herself, I believe that she loves you." Chuck closed his eyes again, and tried to pull away but Ellie wouldn't let him.

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't let her in and lose her again." He sobbed brokenly. Ellie wiped at the tears on his face, having a hard time seeing through her own.

"You won't. I promise. I will hunt her down and kill her myself if she does." He laughed at that statement, glad he had Ellie on his side. They lay there side by side quietly for a bit; Ellie just stroking his cheek, trying to memorize his every feature, knowing that time was limited.

"Look, Chuck. The plan to Oregon was Sarah's idea, but I made a deal with her. She already planned on staying with her, but I want the choice to be yours ok. We'll be there for about a month or so. If she's going to bolt, I think it will be in that time, so do this. Keep your heart close for another month, but don't be afraid to let her in a little ok. Give her a chance." She whispered to him. He thought for a moment before nodding his agreement.

"Good, how about you get some rest ok? And then we can talk more about what's going to happen." Ellie suggested. After getting acquiesces from him she started to pull away but he held on to her.

"Can you stay just a little bit long? Just till I fall asleep?" He asked her quietly like a little kid. She couldn't say no to him so she laid back down, getting as comfortable and possible. She tucked Chucks head under her chin as he wrapped his arms around her as tight as possible. She didn't know how long she had laid there with him till he fell asleep, but she promptly fell asleep shortly after.

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*2 days later*

"Well Walker, I guess this is goodbye. Again." Casey said holding out his hand to her. They stood just outside the barn where the SUV that had carried them to their current location sat. Alex and Morgan were bringing up the left over gear and packing it in the car while Devon and Mary had a few more minutes with their family.

"I guess so Casey. It was great working with you." She replied shaking his hand. Casey grunted his trademark grunt while rolling his eyes grabbing her in a huge bear hug. Morgan and Alex stood to the side mouths dropped at his sudden display of affection.

Casey gave her one last squeeze before dropping her back to her feet and making sure she was stable before finally turning away. He walked up to Alex and gave her the same treatment, though that wasn't quite as shocking as he seemed to do that more and more with her. He growled at Morgan to not say a thing before entering the car.

It had been determined the best thing was for Alex and Morgan to go with Ellie till they acquired the van. Having them arrive back in Burbank separate later would further with their cover.

Soon Devon and Mary came out through the door on the side of the barn. Mary walked right up to Sarah, giving her a tight hug.

"I could not ask for a better girl for my baby." She whispered kissing the side of Sarah's head. She pulled away with her hands on her face looking directly into her eyes. "You take care of him ok?" She said. Sarah nodded her head and hugged her tight. She wasn't very comfortable with it but it felt nice.

Mary walked away, hugging each Alex and Morgan in turn, telling them she'd see them in a few days. Devon then stepped up to Sarah. She expected him to also engulf her into a hug, being the affectionate guy he was, but he just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Please take care of Chuck, Sarah. My wife will already be worried about him for the rest of her life. It would put her mind at ease to at least know that you were with him and taking good care of him." He said. Sarah was at a loss at what to say to that and just stared back at him. Neither of them spoke for and endless amount of time and the tension was mounting.

"Don't worry, he will be fine. I'll be there for him." She said finally. Finally Devon smiled.

"Good. Despite everything he's done in the past year, regardless on whose fault it really was, Chuck is one of the most awesome guys I know, and he's my little brother. I know it doesn't seem like it the way I've been acting but I do care about him and his wellbeing." With that he finally wrapped his arms around Sarah tightly.

She stood next to the others watching as the car drove off, leaving a trail of dust and dirt behind. She watched until it was out of sight, sighing softly to herself. It

"And then there were five and half." Morgan sighed out next to them. Sarah and Alex looked at him perplexed. "Clara, she's only a half. You know, she's tiny." He explained. Both girls rolled their eyes and walked away.

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General Beckman sat at her desk with her eyes closed in silent contemplation. She had received a report from the leader of the strike team in charge of tracking and terminating Chuck an hour ago, stating that he had traced a signal from Col. Casey's phone to Sarah Walkers. They were able to tap into the signal and ascertain that she had indeed located Chuck Bartowski and was with him now.

She had the recording sent to her and she listened to it herself. She contemplated her next move at hearing Agent Walker describe Agent Bartowski's current condition. It appeared that the Laudanol had failed completely with long time use and he was no longer any threat. She contemplated calling off the Strike force, ordering them to bring him in instead of terminating him. But she had her orders as well. The Brass weren't concerned anymore on how much of a threat he currently was, they wanted him completely neutralized. He would be a True American Hero, as they called people like Chuck in the intelligence world. People who sacrificed or were sacrificed in the line of duty, where nobody, even those at the highest level, could know what really happened.

The loss of Walker would also be a tremendous hit on the intelligence community. Ever since she joined at the age of 17 under Langston Graham's tutelage, she had been a major asset to them. She was the top spy out there, the one that younger, newer spies' right out of the farm looked up to and aspired to be. Aside from breaking the first cardinal rule of spying; never fall in love; she was infallible.

The only good saving grace on her soul as she called the Strike Force leader with the command to proceed was discovering that Dr. Ellie Woodcomb and her little girl were not with them at the facility they were hiding out at. She was known as a hardened General, and she backed that up. She owned it. But she was still a human despite all the despicable hard things she's had to order and do over the years. She became determined as she made the call and authorized the destruction of the facility that she will use any and every resource available to locate them. It was the least she could do, though she knew in her hardened heart that even in his current state, Chuck Bartowski would never harm either of them.

The ringing of the phone next to her jarred her out of her own contemplation. She took a moment to compose herself before finally picking up the phone.

"Yes." She said simply, knowing nothing else would need to be said, they knew who she was. She listened carefully as the strike force leader gave his report.

"Good job Major. You shall be commemorated." She said briskly, hanging up with her trademark abruptness.

She took a moment of silence for her fallen Agents. Out of all the ways this situation could of ended this was not what she wanted. She had secretly been rooting for Chuck and Sarah the whole time, ever since he was forced into her command. She was hard on him she knew, but he had a special place in her heart. It was hard to know Chuck Bartowski and not somehow fall into his spell.

The moment passed she pressed some keys on the keyboard in front of her, waiting for the side to pick up. A few moments later the screen blipped to life, showing Col. Casey and Mary Bartowski sitting at the conference table in front of the screen. Nothing was said between the three of them. It wasn't needed. They could tell by her expression what she was calling about, and she could tell by theirs that they understood.

"I'm sorry to report that as of 4:33 PST, Agents Bartowski and Walker have neutralized." She reported. The other two just sat resigned, not saying anything. She would have been surprised by their lack of emotions if they hadn't been hardened spies.

"So that's it? My son is dead and so is his bride." Mary finally said softly, a tear falling down her cheek slowly. Beckman felt immense guilt, but schooled her features not to show it.

"I am truly sorry for your loss Mary." She said sincerely. And she meant it. But Mary just brushed off her sympathy.

"And what about my daughter and granddaughter? Where are they? Were they killed too?" She asked harshly.

"No, we had ascertained that they were not in the vicinity and were in no danger. However we have not found their location yet." Beckman paused for a moment, leaning closer to the screen. "I promise Mary we will find them. I will use whatever resource I have to find them. I truly believe they are alright." She said earnestly.

"General, I would like to head up the search. Put my own team together." Casey interrupted. She sat back in her chair assessing him.

"Do you not trust me to keep my word Col.? " She inquired quirking a perfect eyebrow up.

"No General. " He grunted back. Despite how he felt about the government at the moment for all this, she was still his superior and he still would show her the courtesy and honor of her position. "I'm simply stating that I'm one of the few people who really knew Bartowski. If anyone's going to find where he stashed them, I and my team will be it." He said earnestly.

Beckman nodded, stopping herself from smiling. He was correct in that assessment.

"Very well Col. Whatever resources you need are yours. Please keep me apprised of your progress." She was about to sign off when Mary spoke up once more.

"What about their bodies? They deserve a proper funeral." She stated. It was hard for Beckman to make eye contact.

"I'm sorry Mary, but the facility they were hiding in was completely decimated. There are no bodies to recover. "She said. Mary nodded her understanding before standing up and walking away. She had one last look at Casey before signing off.

She stared at the black screen in front of her for a while, trying to hold it together. She couldn't wait to go home that night. That thought brought a pang of sadness and guilt, because The Bartowski's were never going to go home again.

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A/N. Ok. I'm back. Triple Crown is over, California Chrome lost. (of course). Sorry this chapter sucks, I now have to get myself back into writing and i haven't even thought of it for over a week. Next post either tomorrow or Friday.

MissMonk

P.S. Thank you for all who have reviewed. I love hearing from you.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The sounds of another Disney cartoon played in the background as Ellie sat at the dining room table. She glanced over at her daughter who sat on the couch quietly, holding her stuffed green bear and blanket watching the cartoon character4s with rapt attention. She thought of all the children she'd known over the years and she couldn't help but smile and be relieved that her daughter weren't like the others who would run around, jump up and down, make a lot of unnecessary noise all while watching a video.

The only other child she'd ever seen sit quietly through a movie was Chuck. He was easy to subdue when she had friends over and wanted him out of the way, or she just wanted quiet time. She would pop in a cartoon on the VCR and he would sit there through the whole thing quietly and watch.

A soft musical sound came from the couch causing another smile on Ellie's face.

Except for the singing. If it were a musical, Chuck would sing along. It never bothered her or her friends as they did whatever they did, homework, chat, play. He had a beautiful singing voice. Always had. It's something he never really recognized or acknowledges, avoiding choir and talent actives all through school for AV club and such. He had apparently imparted that upon her daughter, even though they had spent so little time together.

Her smile faltered then. She would never really get to know her Uncle. What they have now, this month or so would be all. It would be all for her too. According to the world, Charles Irving Bartowski was dead. When she went back home to her life, she would have to mourn her brothers passing. It won't be so difficult to pretend, she'll be mourning him being gone from her life.

"Good morning." Sarah's voice said entering the room startling her. She jumped slightly but tried to smile.

"Hey, sleep well?" Ellie responded, nodding at the coffee pot full of coffee on the counter. Sarah grabbed a cup from the cabinet and poured herself one.

"It was, well, it was sleep." Sarah replied sitting down across from Ellie. They sat in silence listening to the movie playing and sipping their coffee.

"Did you check on Chuck on your way down?" She asked setting her coffee cup down.

"Yeah, he's still asleep. I tucked him back in, he somehow knocked his blankets off." Sarah reported. "Look, I'm going to be gone most of the day, we need more supplies then what we picked up on the way. "

"Is that really wise? The only stores we passed were small in little communities. You'll defiantly be remembered Sarah." Ellie stated.

"That's why I'm going into the city. It's about 40 miles from here but there'll be less of a chance of being recognized. I'll go in disguise. But I really need you to stay in the house while I'm gone ok?" Ellie nodded her agreement. They sat in silence a few minutes more before Sarah finished her coffee and went to get ready.

Twenty minutes later Ellie stared out the window as Sarah, dressed not as Sarah drove away in the van that they had purchased the day before.

"Mommy, hungry." Clara said. Ellie turned to see her leaning against the back of the couch looking forlorn and she couldn't stop her smile. Clara put on her best 'I'm hungry' pathetic puppy look.

"Ok sweetie. How about, I make pancakes." She suggested. The little girl perked up clapping excitement at the suggestion. "Ok. What do you say we eat upstairs with Uncle Chuck?"

That got her. The little girl quickly hopped off the couch, punching some button on the DVD player to stop the movie and ran into the kitchen to help her mom. Ellie trailed after her.

An hour later Ellie had a tray filled out with a plate stacked with pancakes and couple underneath. A carafe of orange juice and 2 glasses were piled on with silver where and syrup. She was glad she thought ahead of time and picked up the items on their one stop to a store after purchasing the van.

She headed towards the stairs, Clara walking slowly in front of her carrying a little glass with some fake flowers that she had found in the cabin. She had brought it to her while she was cooking and said they were for "uck". Before heading up the stairs she had picked Clara up and brought her close, hugging her tightly.

"Now remember, when we go in there you have to be quiet, and calm ok?" She spoke the little girl. Clara nodded understanding.

"Uck ick" She said solemnly

So they trudged up the stairs and down the hall to master bedroom. It was determined it would be the best place for him with the bathroom in there. And the window looking out over the lake helped with the decision too, wanting to give Chuck some natural light and beauty.

She held the tray with one hand and slowly opened the door. Clara pushed it open a bit and peered into the darkened room. Only a little light filled the room from the cracks in the curtain which were drawn tight shut to allow Chuck to sleep. Ellie sat the tray down on the nightstand next to the bed, careful of the glass of water there and reached out to check on her brother.

Chuck stirred slightly at the touch of his sisters' hand on his forehead. His eyes fluttered a few times before opening into a thin line.

"Good morning sleepyhead." She said softly. Chuck gave a sad smile at her but didn't respond. Turning from him Ellie went to the curtains, "You might want to close your eyes." She warned before opening them wide.

The sun filtered into the room, waking every nook and cranny its rays touched. She cracked the window and allowed the cool breeze to filter in giving fresh air. She took a moment to stare out at the lake beyond, the sun dancing upon its ripples before turning back.

Clara had stood at the door, not quite sure of what to do. Ellie beckoned her close and she walked calm towards her. She couldn't see over the tall bed but she knew her uncle was on it. Ellie reached down and picked her up and plopped her down on the end of the bed.

The little girl looked at Chuck curiously. He looked different from the last time she had seen him but she couldn't understand how. But one thing was for sure, she knew who he was.

"Say high to Uncle Chuck Clara." Ellie prompted. Clara crawled forward toward him on his knees and one hand, still holding the glass with the fake flowers in the other. She stopped a few feet away from him and held it out to him.

Chuck smiled at her, and reached his hand to grasp it, but it was too heavy for his weakened arm and he laid it on the bed next to him.

"Thank you sweetie, they are beautiful." He rasped out giving a tired smile. Clara began to sniffle, upset by what was happening and soon there were tears falling down her face and she crumpled on the bed face down. Ellie moved the flowers and reached to grab her. Chuck just held up his hand best he could and she stopped.

He reached his hand up and ran his fingers through her hair petting her. Clara sat up enough to crawl next to her uncle and wrap her tiny arms around him, burying her face into his side crying hysterically. Chuck wrapped his arm around her,

Ellie felt her own tears prickle her eyes watching the scene. Once again reminded that they don't have much time left together. She glanced at Chuck, and he gave a nod, indicating he was ok. She just turned and left, leaving them alone and went back down the stairs. She reached the sink and stood there for a moment before picking up a dish and the rag. After a moment of washing however the anger and despair became too much and she threw it down. Her tears blurred her vision as she fell to her knees on the floor.

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Sarah returned to the cabin very late in the evening, She had decided to stay in town as long as possible, allowing the sun to set low before returning for extra protection. It was near one am when she pulled up noticing a light on in the living room area. A small smile appeared on her face at the thoughtfulness of Ellie.

She grabbed a few bags from the van and began unloading them onto the porch. On her third trip she was startled when the door opened and Ellie stepped out in her pajama pants and a t-shirt, arms crossed over her chest.

"Sarah honey, you're really late. Why didn't you call?" Ellie asked worried. Sarah straightened up, fixing her shirt before shrugging. She turned back to the van for more. Ellie followed, helping her carry everything in. They worked in silence putting things away in their proper spaces, making plans on freezing things the next day.

Finally they were done and they sat at the table with a bag of chips opened between them.

"How's Chuck?" Sarah finally asked. It had been the first thing she wanted to ask when she saw Ellie but waited.

"He's alright. He spent most of the day asleep. We had pancakes for breakfast and took it up to him." Sarah quirked her eyes.

"He eat the pancakes?" She inquired. Ellie shook her head.

"He had a few bites, He's not eating enough, I'm getting worried, and he needs nourishment to get better." She said.

"Well, I got some soups and crackers, tomorrow we'll see if he can eat that. If not, we can always force feed him." She gave a devilish smirk at that and Ellie laughed.

"So what's in that other bag that I saw you put in the living room?" Ellie probed, biting into a chip. Sarah looked confused for a second before she remembered.

"Oh, well with you know, Chuck being all…" She trailed off not quite sure how to say it but Ellie got it. "Well I figured he probably got behind on his reading so I-"

"Sarah Walker, did you go to a comic store? ALONE?" Ellie said gleefully. "That is so cute." Sarah just gave her a mock glare.

"Yes, I did. I got copies of all the comics I knew he liked to read that he might have missed in the past year. At least I think I got them all." She admitted. Ellie placed her hand on hers for a moment.

"It's ok Sarah; it's the thought that counts. He'll be happy just knowing you remembered some of them." Ellie encouraged. They sat in silence for a few moments contemplating their own thoughts.

"Well, I also got a couple of movies like Thor: Dark World that came out in the past year that he probably didn't see."

"Tell me about the comic book store. I would have paid to see that. Beautiful sexy Sarah Walker walking around looking at comic books and buying dozens." She laughed. Sarah just smiled shyly though, remembering the looks she had gotten and the comments from the cashier.

"Bartowski." She said softly. Ellie looked over at her. "It's Sarah Bartowski." Ellie bit her lip considering what to say.

"That remains to be seen." She said simply. "I'm going to check on Chuck again and go to bed. Goodnight Sarah." With that she walked around the table and up the stairs leaving Sarah staring at her spot. She felt hurt but she understood. Ellie was just out to protect Chuck while she could.

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A loud bang had startled Sarah awake. She sat up quickly in bed grabbing the gun that was under her pillow. Getting up quickly she rushed out the door, noting the dark hallway. The sound happened again accompanying a loud groan and a cry. Realizing it was Chuck she set the gun on the table in the hall and rushed to the door of the room.

Ellie got there at the same time reaching for the door knob. They could hear Chuck on the other side whimpering and hitting something. She stopped Ellies hand from turning the knob and Ellie gave her a fierce glower.

"Let me handle this Ellie." Sarah whispered.

"No. He could be hurt, he needs me." She said back harshly reaching for the door once more.

"You keep saying I can't handle what he needs, but I can't prove that if you won't let me. Let me help him."

"I'm not going to let you try to prove yourself at the expense of my brother."

"Ellie." She didn't know what to say. But another loud bang on the other side of the door caused them both to jump. "Ellie, please. Let me help him. Stay here at the door in case but please. I want to help him. I want to be Sarah Bartowski." She pleaded. Ellie bit her lip again before nodding and releasing the door knob. She stood back and let Sarah take lead.

Sarah took a deep breath to center herself and prepare for what was inside before opening the door. It was pitch black in the room, the moonlight barely streaming through the closed curtains. She flipped on the lamp next to the door bathing that corner of the soft glow of light.

The whimpering was coming from the far corner of the room opposite the window near the closet. She looked over squinting to the darkened area and saw his tall lank form curled up in a fetal position against the wall. Looking at the room around him she could see what caused the loud bangs. As he tumbled out of bed he knocked down the lamp and table next to it. It looked as if he had picked the stuff up in his way flung it across the room.

She started her approach slowly, trying not to startle him. She could see him shaking, his hands tangled in his hair tightly, his teeth showing in a grimace of pain.

"Chuck." She said softly, trying to get his attention. He didn't respond so she continued moving forward. When she was a few feet away she lowered herself onto the floor.

Chuck seemed to notice her then, he sat up quickly, quicker then she thought was possible in his current condition. He pushed himself against the wall and hissed at her.

"Stay away from me." He cried out. Sarah paused in her pursuit and just sat on her knees facing him. They didn't say anything for a few moments and he relaxed a little realizing that she was obeying. Her attention was drawn to his right arm which had a stream of blood sliding down it and her heart broke a little more.

"Chuck. Let me help you." She said calmly. He shook his head, covering his ears with his hands.

"No, you lie. It'll hurt. You'll hurt me. Just like them. They're bad and they do bad things, I can't trust you." He cried at her, fingers tangling tightly in his hair again. He looked deranged and she was concerned he would hurt himself more and began second guessing if it was wise to do this.

Sarah looked back behind her, seeing Ellie standing in the doorway ready to jump in if needed. It comforted her enough to continue, knowing she had back up. She looked back at Chuck, his eyes moving quickly all around him.

"Who are they Chuck?" She inquired gently. He shook his head again clutching his head tighter.

"Stop, stop. I can't." He cried further.

"Can't what Chuck? Please talk to me." She begged. He didn't respond further. He bent in half touching his head to the ground sobbing in pain and misery. He covered his head and curled into himself.

Sarah listened to his pain for a few minutes, debating on what to do. Finally she closed the last few feet between them and reached out for him. He bolted up again almost hitting her in alarm, but she grabbed his arms preventing him from raising them before he could. His eyes were red and his had blood smeared down the side of his face and in his hair. She wanted to wipe the tears from his cheeks but refrained.

"Talk to me Chuck. Tell me how I can help you." She pleaded. Chuck just sucked in a sob holding his breath a few seconds.

"You can't." He howled. "You can't, you can't. I killed them. I hear them." Sarah looked back at Ellie once more, the same look of sadness and horror on her face that she no doubt knew was reflected on her own.

"Oh Chuck, I…" She didn't' know what to say so she just reached her arms around his neck and held him tightly.

"I killed them. I'm bad." He mourned more. He finally wrapped his arms around her waist and held her so tightly she felt he was going to snap her in half, but she refused to do anything about. He sobbed into her should and she let him, resting her chin on top of his head, noting that they should wash it tomorrow.

"I want to die. Why won't you let me die?" She let the tears fall then. She couldn't imagine a world without Chuck Bartowski, and hearing him wish for his life to end hit her hard. She pulled away from him grabbing his face tightly in her hands looking directly into his eyes. Her heart hurt seeing the pain and self-hatred in his brown eyes.

"Listen to me Chuck. I never ever say that again ok? Never say you want to die. You are not a bad person. You are a loving person, who got screwed yet again by life and peoples bad choices. But you are good." She said fiercely, determined to get it through his head. He tried shaking his head, grasping tightly onto her hands so it hurt, but she didn't relent. She was determined to get him to understand.

"You don't understand. I KILLED PEOPLE. I murdered them. Their blood is on my hands; their screams are in my head. They won't stop!" She gripped his face tighter.

"I know Chuck. Trust me I know." Her chest ached from holding everything in. But she knew she had to try to be strong for him right now. "I know exactly how you feel Chuck. You feel dirty, and disgusting, and you feel the blood all over and like your soul has been split."

Chuck closed his eyes, more tears falling from his eyes.

"I can't. I can't" He chanted so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

"You will never be whole again, but it does dull. I promise. And I will be here with you. And we can be two fracture murderous souls together. And maybe someday we can heal and be one soul. We can heal each other Chuck, together." She was sobbing now, the tears pouring from her eyes. She wanted so desperately for him to believe her and to let her in and try to help him.

Chuck reached his hand out to her and gently brush her hair behind her ear. She loosed her grip on his face and he brushed his fingers against her cheek.

"I don't deserve you Sarah. You don't deserve to be trapped with me. I'm broken, and no amount of fixing will make me what you remember me to be." He said. She took a deep breath.

"What I deserve and what I want are not up to you Chuck. If I want to be here with you, you are not going to get rid of me. And that's exactly what I choose. I want to be with you again Chuck. You're right; you are broken and changed and will never be the same." He closed his eyes at that, pain covering his features. "But so am I Chuck. Quinn, the CIA, this situation, everything has changed and broken me more too. It's my life, and I want it to be with you regardless of what you've done, and I hope you feel the same because I've done some of the most horrible things as well."

She stopped talking finally looking directly at him. His eyes had opened again and he just stared into the deep blue recesses of her iris. He missed them, their soft caring nature. How he could tell everything she hid from him in them.

"I don't think can handle you leaving me again." He finally admitted, getting to the root of the problem. Sarah stared at him for a moment before leaning in closely and pressing her lips gently on his. He made no move to reciprocate as she pooled back a few inches.

"The only way I can prove to you I won't is to be with you now and every day after that." She said, her warm breath warming his lips. He closed his eyes, grasping the back of her head with one hand, the other going to her waist and pulled her to him, kissing her passionately. She wrapped her hands around his heck pulling him closer and allowing him entrance to her mouth.

Behind them, with tears in her eyes as well, hand covering her mouth, Ellie slowly turned around and walked out the door, closing it silently behind her.

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A/N: i SO hope you like this chapter. I actually like it. I'll try next chapter no later then Sat depends on how busy tomorrow is. Peace yo!

MissMonk


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Sarah shifted slightly from her spot on the floor trying not to disturb the heavy body that used her chest as a pillow. The sound of birds had woken her from her light sleep indicating it was morning but she was not ready quite yet to open her eyes. Her hand absently ran through the tresses of the head that lay on her, being contented with the light breathing and gentle snores that came with that person.

It had been a hard night coming home late from the city and then Chuck breaking down. It was hard seeing him how he was, so distraught and full of self-hatred, thrown into the delusions of the horror that was forced upon him and he acted on. But it ended well.

Sarah let a smile settle upon her face remembering the end. She had proclaimed her intentions to stay with him and to prove it by being there every day. He then kissed her. Well, she kissed him first but then he took control. The kiss was full of passion and longing. It was sad and happy, apprehensive and sure all at once. She wasn't quite sure how long they had sat on the floor in front of each other reacquainting themselves to the other, but eventually it ended.

She wanted to go further, but put into consideration Chuck's weakened state. But she was here, and she was staying. They had all the time in the world. They had the rest of their lives. Instead she wrapped her arms around him holding him tight, and sometime, somehow they had ended up lying down on the floor where they were and fell asleep. And that is where they were now.

A slight sound to her right caused her ears to perk up and her spy senses to kick in. She figured it was probably Ellie just checking on them, so she turned her head slightly to look at the door and slowly opened her eyes. She gasped and pulled back though at having a tiny face with blue eyes, a tiny nose, and blonde hair staring right into her face inches away.

Her sudden movement startled Chuck who sat up quickly and pressed himself stiffly into the wall behind him looking around in terror. The little girl sat on her knees and clapped at that, thinking he was playing.

"It's ok Chuck. It's just Clara telling us it's time to wake up." She said soothingly sitting up herself, slightly putting herself in position to protect Clara if Chuck loses his senses. After a few moments though he calmed down and his breathing returned to normal, he slackened and curled himself back to the floor closing his eyes.

Clara crawled over to him and leaned on his side, patting his head soothingly. Sarah's smile widened at hearing the calming hush noises coming from her lips that Ellie made to her when she was upset. Soon though Chuck took a deep breath and then reached for Clara and pulled her to him, holding her tightly. He placed a kiss on her cheek which made her giggle.

"Good morning my little angel." He said softly.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you." Ellies voice said from the door. They all looked up at her from the floor. She stood there fully dressed for the day arms crossed over her chest. "Sorry guys, I cracked the door to hear you in case you needed me. She escaped and found her way up here."

"It's ok Ellie. It was time to wake up." Sarah brushed off her apology, still smiling at Chuck and Clara. Chuck had sat up and was hold Clara as he tickled her. Her shrieks of laughter filling the room up and brightening it.

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The cemetery was full with people dressed in various shades of black, grey, and other darkened colors customary to a funeral. People of all sides of the world attended and mourned the loss of the two being buried today, though there were no bodies in the coffins.

Casey looked around at the turn outs, noting people of considerable background that either Chuck or Sarah or both had touched or helped over the course of their lives. Criminals, the wealthy, dignitaries, common folk, military, other agents. The list could go on and on.

Also in attendance were the pinions from the Buy More. There was a portion off the side that stated with no question that they were no part of Chucks spy life. A large group of people stood there in white nerd herd uniforms or green shirts, each standing surprisingly silent and still. Casey was almost impressed. He noted that he didn't recognize a lot of the Buy More people there; meaning Chuck Bartowski's friendliness obviously seeped out to a larger portion of the store chain. They all looked confused at the other people in attendance, and the American flag draped over their coffins.

He felt a hand grasp his as he looked over to see Gertrude looking at him. She gave him a wan smile, playing the part of supportive friend to a man that lost two of his best friends, though she knew full well that Sarah and Chuck were alive. He smiled back at her, surprising himself at how easy it's become to do, especially in public. Another part of Chuck he suspected that had changed him.

He looked up and paid attention once more to the reverend that was proceeding over the burial. Neither Bartowski nor Walker was religious but Mary had insisted that they at least be given this, if anything then for traditions sake. He sat in the front row with Mary, Devon, Morgan, Alex and the General.

Soon the trumpets started and guns went off in honor of the two fallen Agents. The flags were removed from the coffins and presented to Devon. Casey thought it unusual believing they should go to Mary, but she disagreed. Ellie had been more of a mother then she had to Chuck. Had been there through everything with Sarah. She felt that they should go to Ellie, for she will mourn them the most.

Once the funeral was over everyone around didn't stay long. There was a wake being held at the Buy More, the food and drinks donated and being catered by all the local establishments in the plaza to which Chuck had been friends with many from, donating time to fix whatever is needed for no charge.

A wave of sadness ran over him, thinking of how much Chuck Bartowski had touched people's lives, whether they were ordinary people or major members of society, or even criminals and spies. He touched them and changed their lives and views in positive ways. The biggest attestant to this was Sarah Walker, and Casey himself. Even though he knew they were alive and would be well, he suddenly mourned for his loss.

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Sarah stood at the window in the kitchen looking out in the yard. Ellie decided that Chuck needed some fresh air and should go out for a bit so she took a blanket; some bottled water and some animal crackers and set him outside on the grass with Clara.

Sarah watched as he laid there held up by some pillows soaking in the sun into his pale skin, as Clara crawled around him picking flowers and such and bringing it to him. He smiled and gave her praise and she could see how happy it made her that she made him smile. It made her yearn and wonder if she and Chuck themselves could still have a family someday.

"Look how happy he is with her." Ellie said from behind her. Sarah startled and silent berated herself that she's been startled so often recently. Her spy senses going lax. Thought she could see it as a good thing since she had given it up. She can now start being more alive and normal.

"I haven't seen him so alive in a long time. The fresh air is doing him wonder." She replied back. They were silent as they watched the two play and interact. She could see the sluggish movements of Chuck, noticing he must be getting tired and needing a rest.

"Maybe it's time for them to come in." She suggested to Ellie, not taking her eyes off the scene.

"Let them play. Let them sleep outside. It will do them good. The shade from that tree over there will hit them in about twenty minutes so they'll be protected." Ellie decided for them. Sarah let her.

They had seemed to be in some kind of power struggle over Chuck ever since she first arrived at the facility of project Omaha. Part of her wanted to fight more fiercely for him, but she refrained from it, knowing that Ellie was currently what he needed more.

"Thank you for last night." Sarah said finally turning to face her. He leaned against the sink and crossed her arms over her chest. "For taking a chance on me to help him."

"Yeah I didn't have much of a choice. He will have to rely on you in the future. I wanted to see and make sure you could handle it." Ellie said.

"And how did I do?" Sarah asked honestly. She wasn't really sure if she had done the right things despite how it had ended calmly. Ellie thought for a moment before answering.

"You did a good job Sarah." She paused. "But that's just a taste of what you are getting yourself into. I hope you realize that." Ellie warned. Sarah looked her right in the eye, relenting.

"I know. And I'll admit I'm not entirely prepared. But I'll learn. And I'll do what I can." She said earnestly. They stared at each other for a few more silent moments before Ellie finally relented and reached out with a bright smile and wrapped her arms around Sarah, hugging her tightly. It lasted a few moments before she finally pulled back and brushed some hair from Sarah's face behind her ear.

"I know. And I'm glad you recognize it. Acknowledging that you don't entirely know if you can handle is really the biggest part of being able to cope. If you're too confident, you'll fail when it goes to hell. I know you'll do what you can, and it won't be easy but just don't give up on him ok?"

Sarah just nodded numbly, wiping a stray tear away. She turned around again to stare out the window. She felt her heart swell at seeing Clara curled up on Chuck, both of them sleeping in the sun, the shade of the tree slowly reaching out to protect them from the rays.

"Yeah. We'll figure something out." She whispered to herself.

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They all sat around a large conference table in a big intimidating official looking building. The assistant from the front office that had escorted them into the room was currently going around placing fresh bottled water on coasters for them along with little snacks for them. Morgan immediately jumped on the finger sandwiches that were placed near him as Alex looked on with amusement.

It was just Morgan, Alex, Mary, him and Devon there. They were summoned by some official looking peon that Casey was sure wet themselves when he glared at him to come to the meeting today regarding the estate of one Charles Irving Bartowski and Sarah Bartowski.

Finally a short greying man with large glasses and an expensive looking suit walked through the door. He didn't even look up as he walked to the head of the table and plopped a large pile of folders and paper on the table in front of him. He took his seat and opened the first one before looking up at the group assembled and cleared his throat.

"I'm sure we all know why we are here. It's my duty to read the last will and testament of Mr. And Mrs. Charles Irving Bartowski. I am Andrew Morrison and I have been placed as executor of the estate." He started. Casey snorted wondering what Sarah would think of being considered as Mrs. Charles Irving Bartowski instead of her own self.

"Shouldn't we wait for my wife to be here for this? He was her brother." Devon interrupted the small man. Mr. Morrison nodded his head in understand.

"Typically we would but with her still missing for an indeterminate amount of time we are required to execute the will as soon as possible. For the foreseeable future you, Dr. Devon Woodcomb, husband of Dr. Ellie Bartowski Woodcomb will be presented as legal owner under the supervision of this office of any and all properties and monies awarded to you and your wife. In the event that Mrs. Woodcomb is still missing within the time frame of one year from this reading, you will be given full ownership of everything without our interference." He stated simply.

Devon looked uneasy. He didn't want to be in charge or have anything of Chuck's without Ellie. He was tempted to tell the lawyer that there was nothing to worry about, that she would be home soon but a glance and Casey and a squeeze of his mother in laws hand stopped him from saying anything. He simply nodded his understanding and kept quiet.

"Then let us begin." He stated firmly, lifting up a stack of papers. Under the pile of papers was a flat metal container in which he opened it and pulled out a disc. He walked over to the big screen behind him and pressed some buttons, turning it on and inserting the disc into the DVD player.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bartowski made a video of their last wishes just over a year ago and wished it to be played here now." With that he pushed the play button and turned the lights off.

The screen remained black for a minute before it lit up brightly showing Chuck and Sarah sitting in Castle. They both smiled at the camera looking well and healthy and in love. They held hands as Chuck adjusted something on the camera and Sarah laughed calling him a nerd.

"Ok, we ready? Ready. "Chuck said sitting back next to Sarah smiling at the camera. Sarah covered her mouth to hide her smile. He elbowed her lightly laughing himself. Everyone in the room had their attention fully on the screen, seeing the joy and eases their friends used to have.

"Ok ok, I'm ready. Go." She said to him.

"Ok. Hey everybody. I'm Chuck, obviously. And this lovely beautiful woman is my wife Sarah. "

"I'm sure they know who we are Chuck." She chided next to him.

"Yes I'm just being-look let's just do this."

"Ok ok." She gave in.

"So anyways if you guys are seeing this then it means that something unfortunate has happened to us and we are no longer with you. I'm truly sorry for whatever pain we've caused and we hope you all can move on and enjoy your life because nothing means more to us then your happiness."

"That means you Casey; we expect wedding bells someday in your life." Sarah cut in.

"Oh, you're lucky you're dead he will so kill you for that."

"Seemed like a good time to say it then huh?" The two laughed a little before getting back to business.

"First things first, Mom, Casey. We need you to take care of a few things for us." They lifted a box up to show them and Mr. Morrison picked up the box on the shelf by the TV and presented it to Casey.

"It's keyed to your DNA, retina and thumb print. Contained in it is well, you know." Chuck said on screen. Sarah rolled her eyes.

"It's our spy wills." Sarah said simply. Chucks eyes widened.

"Sarah! You don't know who's…"

"Chuck, Morrison is a highly respected lawyer for spies and everyone who is in the room should know by now what we do. There's no point in beating around the bush. We're dead."

"Fine, fine. Alright. It's our spy wills. There's some stuff we need you to handle if you could. All the information you'll need is in there. We're sorry to have to ask you to do this but you two are the people in the spy world we trust the most. "

"Thank you Casey. You're the best partner an agent could ever have." Sarah added solemnly.

"On to brighter things! Anyways…"

"Brighter things? We're dead Chuck." Sarah said.

"Sweetie you're getting them down." He stage whispered to her.

"Ok, continue." She said giving a knowing look to the camera, bringing a smile to everyone's face.

"Ok, first and foremost, I want to say, except for a few specific things which we will get to, everything else not listed here goes to Ellie." He held tightly onto Sarah's hand. "We've discussed it, and with the large amount of assets we have the only person we truly trust to do the best with it is my sister.

Ellie, I love you so much. You've taken care of me my whole life. You've been there through ups, and downs. You've believed in me and believed I could do anything even when others didn't including me. You never gave up on me. You never left me. And most importantly you never stopped loving me no matter what." Chuck stopped for a moment taking a deep breath and Sarah squeezed his hand while wiping away the moisture from her eyes with her other hand.

"You are the most deserving person in my life Ellie. So I want you to take everything I have, everything I own and do with it as you will. I trust you judgment and your heart. I hope you take it all and do well in the world. You have so much potential and my most desperate wish is for you to fulfill your dreams. I don't want you to have to worry about money ever again. You can quit working in hospitals and open your own clinic, or you can start your own research and become the best neurologist in history.

So I know your big heart and while I know you'll do what's best, please, keep some for yourself. Fulfill your potential and enjoy life. And share it with Devon, and Clara, and anymore nieces and nephews you have. "

Chuck had to stop after that and he stood up. Turning the camera off. A few seconds later it came back on with the two of them sitting here more solemnly.

"Sorry for the break guys. I just, really love my sister." Chuck apologized, wiping his eye again.

"The next thing…" Sarah looked at the list. "We want to leave the Buy More to Morgan Grimes. No matter how much we want to, we can't, in Casey's words 'kick the ugly cousin out.' The Buy More has been important to us all; despite how much we hate it. So we want Morgan Grimes to have it."

"Hopefully with the help of one beautiful Alex McCue. Hint hint little buddy." Chuck cut in.

"Yes, and while we trust Alex, we know how Morgan is so we hope that the rest of the family, I.E. Ellie will stay as advisors to assist him to make sure it flourishes. And feel free to get rid of the creepy people known as Jeffster. "

"We trust you buddy. You've been my best friend forever. I can't even remember how long. Like Ellie you've been there for me through thick and thin. You've grown so much in the past few years, from lazy gaming employee to manager to the Buy More and super spy extraordinaire. I can't tell you how proud I am of you, and how honored you are, were, my best friend and life partner."

"Man I'm starting to feel bad I have nobody to do for." Sarah said teasingly to him.

"Hey if you want to profess your love and admiration to my BFF feel free to, I know you love the little bearded man." Sarah rolled her eyes at him.

"Yes, of course I do. Morgan you're a great friend. Thank you."

"Feel better?" Chuck asked her.

"Yes. I'm grateful I have you for all this touchy mushy stuff. "She admitted.

"You do a great job with me." With that he leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips but she stopped it a second later.

"Honey this isn't a sex tape so move along." Chuck scowled playfully at her.

"Ok, next, Mom, I don't even know what to give you truthfully. I thought about it. You have everything you want except your family back. And with me being gone...well. So I put this together for you." Chuck paused knowing that Morrison was getting a large book off the shelf and was handing it to her.

Mary looked at the book. On the cover was a picture of Chuck and Ellie, taken right before she left. The cover stated "The Life and Times of Ellie and Chuck Bartowski." She opened it up, and tears sprang from her eyes. It was professionally made, pictures covering the pages, with letters they've written each other, memories and notes, everything cataloging their lives together growing up without their mother, and soon after their father.

"I hope you like the book. I put it together so that you can share with us memories of growing up, of our accomplishments, and failures. It's of use so you can get to know us better, seeing us growing up. "

"Casey, we leave you Castle and everything in it." Sarah picked up. "Including that armory that you spent so much time putting together. You can use it for whatever you want, or need, you can sell it, hide dead bodies in there…"

"Or you can sit in there and secretly watch Downton Abbey. I know you watch it, deny it all you want but I know the truth." Chuck eyed the camera. The room erupted in laughter.

"Ok, and last but by no means least, Clara." Chuck sighed and closed his eyes for a second. "It breaks my heart even now though I'm still alive, to think that I might not get to know my beautiful niece and watch her grow up. I have no doubt that she will be every bit as authoritative and beautiful as her mother, and as sporty and intelligent as her father. But what I worry about is how nerdy she will be. It was plan, the whole time, ever since I found out Ellie was pregnant. I was going to nerd the crap out of that kid, and I won't be here to do it. Who will show her how to install a graphics card into her computer? Who will teach her the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek and the pros and cons of both? And most importantly, who will teach her the best comics to read and which are crap.

So with all that in mind, I leave this for my niece Clara, to which I hope she shares with any other sibling that comes along. I leave my entire collection. That means all my gaming systems, games, comic books, collectors' items, everything and anything. It's all for you Clara. And though you may not enjoy everything or anything that I've given you, but I hope it helps you along the way on finding your inner nerd."

"I just want to say, Clara, I'm not big on kids, but being with you, was magical, and made me rethink things. I hope this video never plays and instead your uncle and I have cousins for you to play with. But whatever happens just know you are special, and don't ever let people tell you otherwise. Don't let them bully you, be who you are and stand up for what you believe in." Sarah said. Chuck was stunned, but smiled.

"That is so sweet honey." He kissed her on the cheek before they both turned to the camera.

"Ok well that's it; everything else is up to Ellie so if you want something talk to her. We love you all and we'll miss you!

The screen went black and the entire room was silent. Mr. Morrison turned the lights back on and then sat at the table again waiting.

"I'd rather have Chuck and Sarah." Morgan said, breaking the silence. Nobody there could disagree.

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A/N: Another chapter. Next chapter probably wed/thurs. I'm taking a 3 day weekend so i'm not going to write anything. But never fear its almost over. I'm thinking 1 more chapter and then an epilogue.


	22. Chapter 22

Last Chapter

Chapter 22

Over the course of the month and half at the cabin in Oregon Chuck's recovery was long and hard. Some days he seemed stable, eating meals with everyone, watching a movie with Clara, sitting out in the sun and soaking up the rays. He would play games with them, or just sit and read quietly with Ellie.

Other days were harder on him. He would lay in bed all day with the curtains closed tight unable to move whether from some kind of pain, which after a week or so Ellie believed was his mind filling him with phantom pains, or his mind replaying the past 8 months activates to him, torturing his already fragile psyche.

At those times he would stare out at the ceiling or wall unblinking, not making a sound most of the day except for some whimpering and the occasional crying. His emotional mood seemed to be all over the place. One second he'd be filled with peace and happiness, next he'd be worked up and angry and then finally be solemn and withdrawn.

He slept a lot the first few weeks, unable to really stay awake for long. Sarah was concerned about it but Ellie had calmed her, stating that sleep was the body's way of regenerating and healing itself, and was the best medicine he could get. It made it easy to get Clara down for naps as well. Even though he slept soundly and better in the day time, one of them still sat with him, reading. Usually Ellie as Sarah took care of him at night. She would tell Clara it was nap time and they would go into Chuck's room and Clara would lie next to him and take her nap soundly without any protest.

It was determined that part of the Intersect still resided inside his mind. Though how much they were not able to determine. They discovered it once as they sat around the porch and Ellie was reading a medical journal. She found an interesting part and had read it out loud. Immediately Chuck seized, eyes fluttering in a flash. He raised his hands to his head in pain.

"Chuck!" Sarah had yelled immediately kneeling in front of him. He took a few deep breaths and a few moments later he looked up at her, eyes glazed and distant and spat out the information that had entered his mind. The flash had worn out his weakened body immensely and he had to be assisted by both of them to get him inside.

It was a long roller-coaster and at times Ellie wondered if he would ever get better, if he could possibly lead a normal life. She was worried most at those times of extreme emotional distress about how Sarah would handle him. She knew deep down, or not so deep down that the best place for Chuck right now would be back in a psychiatric hospital getting professional help, but that wasn't an option for him anymore. And even deeper down despite being a doctor herself, she didn't feel she could trust another doctor to Chuck's care after what happened the last time.

Nights seemed to be the worst for Chuck. The darkness of the room and atmosphere seemed to seep into his mind causing nightmares and night terrors. He frequently woke up fighting some invisible demon in fright, screaming in terror and whimpering in pain. At those times he seemed to be his own worst enemy.

It would not be an unusual scene to walk from waking from the noises he made to enter his room and see him cowering in a corner shaking and sobbing. At those times Ellie resisted the urge to rush to him and allow Sarah to take care of him, knowing that she needed the experience since he'd be in her care alone soon. After about a week of that Sarah had just moved into his bedroom with him, sharing his bed. Even with that he still was terrified but at least she was there from the start, preventing him for doing further damage to himself.

Another thing that pained Ellie. Though he seemed to be healing, he still turned to harm himself when his mind turned to their darkest. She and Sarah had taken to locking up all sharp objects that he could use to cut into himself, though they knew it was a lost cause. Chuck was resourceful and he would find something if he desperately wanted. Though he had made an obvious attempt at not doing that after one afternoon a couple weeks in with Clara.

They had been in the living room sitting on the couch watching another of those Disney movies. Chuck was curled up on the couch with Clara snuggled by his side, Ellie sat in the chair next to it reading a book. Clara wrapped her arms around Chucks that she was leaning against and began petting his arm in a soothing manner, causing the sleeve to pull up a bit. When she saw the angry red mark from one of Chuck's sessions of self-hatred she gasped loudly gaining both Chuck and Ellies attention.

"Unk Tuk hurt!" She exclaimed horrified. Chuck tried to cover his arm again but Clara would have none of that. She quickly climbed off the couch as quickly as her little body could and ran off towards the bathroom. Sarah hearing her exclamation followed her to make sure she didn't' get into any trouble.

Clara came toddling back with a box of band aids in her hand and climbed back onto the couch and sat on her knees reaching for Chucks arm. Distressed and horrified at his little niece finding out Chuck had simply sat there, afraid that giving into himself would cause her more harm. But Clara seemed to be fully in doctor mode and she tried pulling up the sleeve of Chuck's shirt and pulling out a Band-Aid.

Twenty minutes and a box of Barbie Band-Aids and a lot of kisses to make the "boo boo all better." And Chuck and Clara were back to watching their movie. Clara had been a diligent nurse and checked his "boo boos" often, and even dressing more as needed. But after that afternoon, Chuck had made a conscious effort to not do that, or at least have it in a place she would see.

A comfort to Ellie was the amount of time Chuck and Sarah had been spending together, talking, though they seemed to have reversed in roles. Sarah the normally silent one who never revealed her feels or thoughts was the one doing most of the talking while Chuck, the one who wore his heart on his sleeve had clammed up silent. But either way they seemed to be bonding and getting closer again, which really relieved a lot of tension and apprehension in Ellie.

But soon their time was coming to a close. They only had a week left before Chuck and Sarah would be off to who knows where, starting a new life without her. A few days later Casey was scheduled to arrive at the cabin "finding" her and Clara and taking them back to the real world. She was excited about it, she desperately missed her husband and Clara needed her father. She missed her life and her friends, job, everything. But at the same time she didn't want to leave, not knowing when or if she'd ever see her baby brother ever again.

"Where will you go?" She asked Sarah a few days before they were to leave. Chuck was outside again with Clara relaxing more in the sun. She and Ellie were in the dining room drinking coffee and making final arrangements to leave.

"I can't tell you that Ellie." Sarah said looking up from the paper she was writing on. Ellie bit her lip for a moment.

"They think you guys are dead. I doubt they will be interrogating me on whereabouts." She protested. She didn't like that thought of not knowing where her brother would be. She knew it was coming but with the day getting closer she felt more and more apprehension.

"No, but they will debrief you about your stay here. Ask you about Chuck and anything that he could have been involved in. It will be intense and in depth and the less you know the less you have to try and hide." Sarah explained. Ellie still didn't understand the point. Chuck was dead to everyone, what did it matter what had been happening.

She stared out the window watching Clara reach up for Chuck to lift her up. He bent to do so, lifting her slowly. Ellie was surprised by how physically weak the whole situation had caused him, but at least he was getting stronger.

"Will I ever see him again?" She whispered softly, not turning away from the scene. Sarah barley heard her.

"Yes, you will. I promise Ellie, we will find a way. I don't know when, or how, but you will see him again." Ellie turned back to Sarah then smiling.

"Thank you." She said simply, letting the tear that was in her eye fall.

Three days later it was time for the inevitable. She stood on the porch with her arms wrapped tightly around check, eyes soaked with tears afraid to let go. She didn't want him to go, she wanted him to stay, or she wanted to follow him, but she knew neither option was possible. He held on equally as tight.

"Promise me Chuck. Promise me you'll be ok. You won't do anything stupid, and you'll be careful." She whispered to him pulling back slightly. He leaned his forehead against hers running his hands down her face as if memorizing its features.

"I'm unsure of anything Ellie but I promise I'll do everything I can to be safe." He said softly back to her. They stood like that for a long while, but hold each other, Clara holding onto his leg sobbing into it leaving a line of tears and snot on his pants. Eventually Sarah came up the porch stairs from watching the goodbye from the car.

"Chuck, it's time to go." She said softly, rubbing his back. They didn't move for another minute or two before he finally pulled around, hands still placed on either side of her face, looking directly into her eyes.

"I'm going to miss you so much." He whispered to her. Ellie reached up on her toes and placed a kissed on his forehead.

"Be safe little brother. And try to let me know that you are." She said finally relinquishing her hold on him.

Chuck bent down to pick up Clara, holding her tightly as well, placing kisses all over her face. Ellies heart broke at seeing their goodbye. It broke for Clara for not getting to know her uncle better, and for Chuck for having to leave his niece.

"You be safe little one. No matter what always know that I love you ok? Nothing else matters except that. And if you ever need me, I promise I will be there." He said into her hair. She wrapped her little arms as tight as she could around his neck. Ellie had to almost literally pry her off of him with Sarah's help with unwrapping Chuck's arms from Clara.

She stood on the porch with her sobbing child as she watched Chuck and Sarah enter the car and then slowly drive off. She didn't turn around till they were out of sight and only then did she finally enter the house again, laying on the couch cuddling her daughter and finally let out the sobs of anguish that filled her.

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Three days later Casey arrived with a ten other agents. Sarah had informed her that Casey would most likely come with others in order to protect the cover and to just go with whatever Casey said. He arrived and knocked on the door, which she hadn't expected but she answered it. When he entered alone he looked around the place, despite the fact he knew everything was safe, he couldn't stop being an agent, on top of having to make a show of it.

"I was expecting the door to be kicked down and cowering in fear." She had said. Casey actually gave her a small smile.

"I only needed them for the perimeter. It was determined Bartow-Chuck wouldn't set anything that you two could get into that could potentially cause harm." He stated simply.

After that they had gathered what they were taking with them and were Sheppard off to a private airfield on a private jet on back to Burbank. She was taken back to the CIA facility where she had once been right before her father was murdered and taken to an office where she was questioned for several hours. It wasn't an interrogation room and granted they weren't working her as hard as they would a criminal but she found the whole thing exhausting. She just wanted to go home to her husband and mother.

The interrogation finally ended when little Clara had enough and became extremely fussy finally crying. When she began sobbing out 'unk tuk dead." She put her foot down and decided it was time to go home. She picked up the sobbing Clara and walked out with Casey following.

Once they were safely in the car, Clara safely in her car seat with Ellie up front with Casey she immediately stopped crying once the car began to move. Ellie turned back in her seat to look at her daughter who began singing to the green bear in her hand.

"Why you little actress." Ellie stated smiling. Clara looked up and grinned her best grin showing off all her baby teeth, even getting a chuckle out of Casey.

"That is one special and bright little girl you have there." He said to Ellie who could only nod her agreement.

The reunion with her husband and mother was joyous. Devon held Clara tight in his arms and he squeezed and kissed Ellie as well. She had missed him terribly during the whole time she was away, and was glad to be home.

She walked around her apartment as if it was the first time, remembering all the good and bad times they had had there. Devon had decided the whole time to just stay there. He couldn't move without his wife, even though he knew she was coming back. Tears filled her eyes seeing Chuck everywhere. Even though they had moved in shortly after Sarah had left she didn't change hardly anything, hoping that Chuck would come back to himself and she would move on with her husband and daughter, something that will never happen now.

Not able to take so much attention of everyone who was there after spending so long with so few people she made and excuse and escaped. She was going to go to her room for a little bit, but as she passed Chuck's old room she stopped and entered it.

It was exactly the same. The same from when she had committed Chuck to the hospital almost a year ago, and even the same from when Sarah came back to help search for him and moved into the room. Their stuff lie all around the room untouched, as if they had just gotten up late in the morning for work and hadn't tidied up. She sat on the edge of the bed; the side she knew was Chucks and felt tears fall down her face again.

"I sit in here too sometimes." A voice startled her from the doorway. She turned and saw Morgan standing there looking around. He looked older then she remembered him, not so jubilant, withdrawn a bit even. "I find it comforting to remember the old days of just playing Halo or Call of Duty. Pizza binges and grape soda gulping contests." Ellie laughed at that.

"So much had happened here." She said softly. Morgan finally entered and sat down next to her. "I remember when he came home from Stanford and moved in here. It was just a spare bedroom, with simple furniture for when he stayed on weekend and holidays. It was littered with all of Devon's things."

"Yeah, I remember. I uh...i put up those." He pointed to framed comic books on the wall behind the door. "He was so down; I tried to cheer him up by making this feel more like home for him."

"It does look like home. I'm glad he made it feel like it. He felt so displaced once starting college, and even more so after getting kicked out. I think part of the reason he started to heal was because he felt he had a place to go and feel safe." She said. Morgan grabbed her hand.

"No, that's not it Ellie. He knew that no matter what he had you. It wasn't that he didn't feel he didn't have a home, or safe. He was worried that he wouldn't have a place with you." He explained. She looked stunned.

"Did he say that?" She asked.

"Yeah, I asked him about it once a few years later. He had been going out more and more with me and I finally asked him what changed. He said that despite everything he at least had us. That he hadn't lost us too." Ellie placed her hand over her eyes and let sob escape.

"I miss him so much already. I want him here." She sobbed. Morgan reached around her and hugged her.

"I miss him too. But he's safe now. Where nobody will hurt him, with somebody who loves him very much. And I know that we will see him again."

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'2 years later'

The sun beat down heavily on Ellies skin as they glided quickly through the water on the speed boat. They had arrived in Rio the previous evening and stayed in the city for the night, deciding to stay in the hotel instead of exploring so they could leave as early as possible the next day.

Early the next day, Ellie loaded Clara into a tax with their baggage and she, Devon, Mary, headed towards the docs with Casey, Alex, and Morgan following in another car. They had rented a boat ahead of time and Casey took the reins once everything was loaded and they headed out.

Two hours later they finally could see their destination ahead of them. It was a small private island covered in tropical plants. As they neared the island they saw a beautiful one store house and a private doc built near the water, and on the edge of the doc waiting for them was a woman dressed in a light blue sundress and blond hair standing there.

Ellie squealed with delight once she was close enough to fully see Sarah, hopping off the boat as quickly as possible and squeezing her tightly.

"Oh my god, Sarah. I'm so happy to see you." She squealed squeezing tighter. Sarah just laughed and returned the embrace. Pulling back Ellie finally got a good look at her.

She was still as beautiful as ever; with her hair somehow blonder then before and her skin a beautiful tan from obviously being in the sun a lot. She looked a bit thinner but still fit, but she was healthy looking and seemed happy.

"Hey Sarah, where's my life partner?" Morgan said embracing her as well. Sarah had glanced at Casey giving a nod hello while he and Devon got their luggage.

"Oh, he's uh…" She didn't finish, just looked at the house.

"He's napping? I'll wake him." Morgan said and started for the house, but Sarah grabbed his hand.

"How about we get everything in the house and settled before we disturb him." She said gently. Ellie was worried but she agreed.

About a half hour later they were all settled in the living room, luggage dumped in the rooms and they all had cool drinks. It was going to be a tight fit with all of them there but they would make it work.

"This place is beautiful Sarah, how long have you been here?" Alex said sitting on the floor next to Morgan.

"Uh, we've been here a few months. We had been in northern Russia and I decided that Chuck needed some sun. It also presented a perfect opportunity for you to finally visit." Sarah explained.

"And speaking of Chuck and sun is he coming out?" Mary asked, wanting to see her son after two years of him being away. Sarah sat quietly for a few moments.

"He'll be out later." She said simply. Ellie was starting to get worried and held her daughter, who was sitting on her lap closer.

"Enough of this Sarah, where is my brother." She finally demanded. Sarah took a deep breath before answering.

"Look, I know it's been two years but Chuck still has bad days. A lot of them. And today is one of them." She explained. She looked directly at Ellie. "You were right what you said before, that he would be unstable and have issues for the rest of his life. But we're doing it. We're living. And we're very happy." Ellie nodded her understand.

"Well, regardless, I'm going to check on him, because I haven't seen him in two years, he's my brother, and I'm a doctor." With that she put Clara down and stood up. She walked down the hall way to the end where there was a white door that was shut. She stood outside it for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning the knob.

The room was spacious and dimmed. The curtains were drawn closed but the breeze from the opened window let light sprinkle through the room. It was beautifully decorated in natural colors enhancing the atmosphere of a tropical paradise. In the middle of the room was a large spacious bed with light blue bedding and a long thin lump laying on it with a mop of curly hair.

Ellie walked closer to the bed, finally seeing Chuck's face. Her heart beat faster and she felt pressure in her chest as the emotions of happiness filled her at finally seeing her brother again, but she kept it in. Chuck lay on the bed, head on the pillow and a hand under his cheek. He stared unblinkingly at the window watching the curtains do their dance.

Ellie sat on the edge of the bed near him and reached out to him, running her hand through his hair. It was longer then it was the last saw him, and was cool and soft to her touch. He hadn't acknowledged her presence or the fact that she was touching him.

"Chuck." She said softly, not wanting to startle him. Still nothing. "Chuck, it's me, Ellie." She moved her hand from his hair to his forehead and down the side of his face.

She got off the bed and kneeled in front of him, blocking his view of the window but he didn't notice. His eyes were distant and far away from where she was. She kissed him gently on the forehead, running her hand once more through his hair before getting up and leaving.

She closed the door quietly, pausing for a moment before turning around. She startled, pulling her hand to her chest to see Sarah standing there a few feet down the hall.

"Geez, Sarah, you scared me." She said lamely. Sarah didn't acknowledge, just looked down at the ground. They were silent for a moment both just standing there leaning on opposite sides of the wall. "He's not good is he?" She asked. Sarah looked up then.

"Don't think that Ellie. He's as good as expected. He has his bad days but it's not always like this. I think it's the stress of the visit." She offered.

"Why would we stress him out to the point of being catatonic?" Ellie demanded. Sarah reached out for her, grabbing her hand she lead her into one of the guest rooms so they could speak in private. She sat down on the bed while Ellie sat next to her facing Sarah.

"Aside having to in order to get from place to place Chuck never goes out. I'm the only person who sees him." She explains. Ellie was confused. Her brother was a social butterfly.

"What do you mean?" She inquired.

"He stays in the house. He won't leave it at all unless its secluded like this. I do all the shopping and anything that requires leaving the house. The only time he leaves and goes out around people is when we have to move again." She explained. Ellie was at a loss but it made sense in a way. He hurt a lot of people and if she was truthful most people have done nothing but hurt him.

"But you're ok?" She asked suddenly fill with concern for Sarah. Sarah looked at her shocked for a second, not expecting to have the concern for her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She assured. Ellie reached for her hand.

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm know you're off the grid or whatever it's called but just know that you can count on me ok? If you need anyone to help or just talk to, I'm here for you." Sarah squeezed her hand tightly.

"Thank you Ellie." Sarah said sighing deeply.

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A few hours lately had everyone sitting outside around a large table. Casey had fired up the grill with Devon as the girls were in the kitchen make side dishes and salads. Morgan was in charge of setting the table and keeping Clara occupied.

Sarah lit candles around the porch as they watched the sun set on the horizon; a cool breeze blew around them causing a comfortable chill. They were just near the end of the meal when Chuck stumbled out slowly, looking kind of dazed.

"Oh my god Chuck!" Ellie shouted getting up from her spot and jumping at her brother wrapping her arms tightly around him. He stood there stunned and stiff for a few moments before finally wrapping his own arms around her. Clara jumped down from her spot and wrapped her arms around his leg.

Once Ellie released him the others finally approached him, at a more calm pace, trying not to startle him. Soon enough though he was sitting at the table with everyone with a plate full of food that Sarah had dished out. Ellie sat on his other side grasping his hand tightly. She kept running her fingers through his hair and on the side of his face again like she did in his bedroom.

The chatter was calm and easy going, Chuck and Sarah not saying much of anything as he ate slowly and allowed the others to fill them in on what's happening in their lives. Chuck was pleased to hear that Jeff and Lester were still there at the Buy More, and that the store was doing well. He offered his congratulations to Morgan and Alex on their wedding and accepted the photo album of the event that they had made especially for him and Sarah since they couldn't go.

Casey had gotten hitched himself to Gertrude. They had been on some mission in some exotic place and he had suggested, or grunted out that they should wed and they did. He had learned that Ellie had taken him up on his suggestion in their will and has been doing research on neurology. She opened a clinic for runaway children to come to in Chicago to seek medical assistance that Devon helped run. He couldn't be happier and more proud of his sister.

Finally everyone spread out, helping clean the kitchen or taking a walk on the beach leaving Chuck and Ellie alone on the porch with Clara sleeping in his lap, curled up in his arms.

"Tell me honestly, how you are doing Chuck." Ellie asked concerned. Chuck took a moment to answer, stalling by snuggling Clara closer and placing a kiss on her head.

"I'm doing very well Ellie. You don't have to worry about me." He said softly. Ellie gave him a look that she didn't completely believe him.

"Chuck, I saw how you were this afternoon. Sarah told me that she's the only human interaction you get. That you hide away from the world." She protested. Chuck once again was quiet. After a few moments of silence Ellie couldn't take it longer and continue. "That's not the Chuck I know." She stated simply. He looked her deep in the eyes.

"I'm not the same Chuck I was Ellie. You know that." He said even softer a sad tired look appearing. Ellie smiled at him encouraging.

"Yeah, I know, that doesn't mean that I can't hope." They were silent a few more minutes.

"I am trying Ellie. I promise. Even more now than before. It's important now." He said. Ellie looked confused.

"Why is it important now?" she asked. Chuck gave her small smile.

"We're moving again, to Europe. Probably Rome. It's Sarah's favorite city." He told her. Ellie was elated at that making a promise to herself to visit him while there, never having seen but always wanting to go.

"You lived in many Europe cities in the last two years Chuck." She reminded. Chuck couldn't contain his grin anymore.

"Yes, but now I have incentive to get even better with a baby on the way." He announced. Ellies jaw dropped momentarily before she squealed in delight.

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The End

A/N: Well, that's the end of that. I tried to wrap it up and give a summary of what happened to everyone as well as leave on a high note. There are many more things I could have done but one thing I feel strongly about is knowing when to quit before it drags. There will be no sequel's but I may write a couple one shots. I have another story idea I'm working out, hopefully will begin publishing in the next couple weeks if my brain works it properly. Thank you all who read and reviewed! I appreciate it!

Love MissMonk

P.S. Zachary Levi got married! YIPPIE!


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